And they both work in your office. And have matching coffee mugs with love hearts on them. And the urge to throw staplers is irrepressible. And your heart still gently aches for them, despite all of this. Doesn't matter. Finding the strength to be elegant and detached (and forgiving too, for extra bonus points) gives you a tremendous head start in healing and moving forward, and means your break-up will be as clean and as unhurty as possible. Here are some suggestions/mandatory rules/commandments to keep in mind when your situation with your ex is getting out of hand: When you're angry, it feels totally appropriate to cut off all the hoods on their hoodies, or pour milk all over the back seat of their car, but you must not. First, because I know you, you're pretty wonderful, and definitely above that brand of short-term thrill, and second because it's how we conduct ourselves in times of upset, pain and anger that reveals our true character. Don't reveal yours to be irrational and violent. You might find some of the techniques in article 9 helpful. They were designed to assist parents with their actual children, but they can also help adults with their inner children. Therapy and twelve-step programs are also vital keys. To work energetically, I suggest you concentrate on the syndrome providing you the most trouble and do the exercise Uncovering Your Storyline in article 4. This exercise will help you figure out the reason your inner child is stuck in a deformed relational field. Once you connect with the injured child, proceed with love and care. A therapist can educate you about reparenting this little one, but for the purpose of physical healing, here are some energetic techniques that will help. First, redesign your relational field. Psychically add green to it if you are dealing with a physical illness or trauma; Add gold if the most striking symptoms are chronic, repetitive, or addictive in nature;

This holds even if it's your boss who's asking you to do something that seems like a waste of time, so don't be afraid to say no to him or her either. Explain your reasoning clearly and politely and try to anticipate any possible counter-arguments. A good superior will respect you all the more for having successfully made your point, and of course, they stand to benefit, too. The best managers encourage discussion within the workplace and will support those who demonstrate real conviction. Worst-case scenario, your manager will successfully convince you otherwise and you'll have found the motivation you need! How to say no to meetings Without a doubt, one of the most useful bits of advice we received was this: If you you're not turning down at least 20% of meetings, you're not managing your time properly. If you've ever felt that at least one in five of the people at most of your meetings has no reason to be there, well, you're right. For most employees, time wasted in meetings is a source of enormous frustration. By sending vitriolic emails and aggressive text messages or spitting venom about your ex to anyone who will listen, you not only prolong and attract more of the negativity you're feeling about the break-up, but you quickly cement your reputation as the Psychotic Ex-Girlfriend. Even if they were the one who slept with your cousin at your sister's wedding. Doesn't matter. Getting angry and lashing out is like spitting into the wind. So you had an amicable break-up and you really miss them . Yes, it will hurt. So, so bad. It is - and read this line a few times so it sticks like porridge to a non-stick saucepan - it is impossible to be friends with your ex. The only time it has a chance of working is when you both have new partners, and are wholly, genuinely in love with those new partners. This is because if even one per cent of either one of you still harbours feelings for the other, your friendship is not actually a friendship;

You can also combine these colors. Now ask the Divine to link your inner child with a healing stream of grace and to then plug the same stream of grace into your relational field. Request that the Divine fill this field (and surround the child) with the appropriate hue, intensity, and amount of the heart colors just described. Know that this incoming energy will push out all undesirable energies. Allow this healing stream and the incoming energy to continue flowing as long as necessary. If your problems are physical, you can also intuitively picture a square around the entirety of the field; If your challenges are relational in nature, use a circle, and if they're mental, try a triangle. Any green gemstone is useful for healing physical issues through your relational boundary. Green jade provides strength and protection and is great for pairing with a square. Malachite and rose quartz assist with physical healing and relational concerns, and they partner well with a circle. There is however a very simple solution: just say no. Before you agree to a meeting, ask yourself the following question: if I were sick, would this meeting be rescheduled? If the answer is no, then you're not likely to have enough of an impact to make it worth your while. You'll waste your time and that of others. Decline the invitation by politely explaining that you don't think you would bring much to the table, but that you'd like a copy of the minutes. Then, enjoy the sweet taste of freedom. According to a leading entrepreneur, another good way of turning down a meeting is to propose a three-minute one-on-one in its place. Apparently, this works 95% of the time. Bluma Zeigarnik was an early 20th century Russian psychologist. One afternoon, while seated on the terrace of a busy Viennese cafe, she observed something peculiar.

Are you lonely? Clinging to old habits and memories? Yes, you miss all of your ex's great qualities and the fun times, but when you end a relationship with someone, you have to hand those things in. If you don't, and unwisely insist on dragging things out, you are only prolonging your misery. And yet so many do drag it out because it's easier to hold on to the familiar than brave the new. Don't do this. Cut all ties. Go cold turkey. Be clinical. I advocate a firm No Contact Period of fifty days. You can either purchase a jewelry piece with the stone shaped like a circle or attach a circular shape to your jewelry, such as a charm on a charm bracelet. Emerald and green tourmaline can cleanse energy on every boundary and embolden our inner spirit to release others' energies, including energies from entities and psychic attachments. The heart is especially available to the Hindu sound Yam and the immortal Om. The octave note F delivers healing, and the number 4 provides security. If your energetic issues are communication based--for instance, you were originally injured by verbal threats, criticism, or spiritual interference--you can utilize the fifth chakra's tone of Ham and the G note, in addition to the number 5. Communication issues also respond to programmed chrysocola, lapis, and blue opal. The heart-chakra symbol empowers our healing abilities and relational energy fields because it incorporates several important symbols: the twelve-petal lotus, the circle, and the triangle (two, superimposed on one another). The innermost symbol represents the mantra or sound Yam. The twelve-petal lotus is another powerful tool for healing physical conditions through the relational boundary. In the Hindu tradition, the symbol for the heart chakra is two superimposed triangles set within a circle, both surrounded by lotus petals.

As the waiters rushed around, they seemed to have a remarkable grasp of the orders in progress while appearing to have instantly forgotten those already served. She hypothesized that we have a better memory of active tasks than of completed ones, and returned to her laboratory to put her theory to the test. Bluma asked a group of children to complete twenty short activities involving puzzles, modeling clay, and so on. At the end of the day, when she asked the children to recall each activity, they remembered twice as many of the tests they hadn't fully completed as the ones they had. Today, we call this the Zeigarnik Effect, which, in a nutshell, states that an unfinished task takes up a lot more space in the brain than a completed one does. You experience this all the time in your day-to-day life. A jumbled mental list of to-dos clouds your mind and prevents you from concentrating. Think of the brain as a computer hard drive: if you do too much at the same time, it's likely to overheat and slow down. For this reason, it's crucial to disentangle yourself from this `black cloud' of interfering thoughts that serve only to weigh on your mind. The best solution is to store everything on a kind of external hard-drive: your to-do list. It gives both of you space to heal, and it allows you to work on loving yourself and your life. Going to the same bars, cafes or snake-charming classes you used to go to with your ex, hoping to run into them or their friends, is both pathetic and utterly transparent. Ditto driving past their place or needing to drop back their trainers when you're looking sizzly. Instead of trying to breathe life into people and habits that no longer serve you (which will leave you feeling even more hollow), use a break-up as a chance to find new places, new people, and new things to do, or, if new is still too scary, revert to beloved old friends and family. Go to another suburb! Stay out past midnight for once! Learn judo! I'll give you three weeks of drinking too much and eating deep-fried, chocolate-soaked saturated fats and being a filthy little mess. Then we need to pour some love back into that beautiful body. Start exercising.