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If you actually care about solving the problem, invest the time and the money and the energy to take care of it. Say no to other things going on in your life. Make this issue a major priority by dedicating your scheduled time to it. Fifth Step: Repeat. Every single morning, create blocks of time to manage your life and the accomplishment of your goals. Create a new to-do list every morning to track all the to-do items you need to get to-done. When plans do not go the way you wanted them to, don't say woe is me and stop. Create a new plan the next morning to make sure the problem you faced yesterday doesn't happen again. I could not stand the emptiness in me; Everyone thought we had this fairy-tale marriage, that we were the perfect couple. I knew it was not that way and never had been. I knew I loved him, but because I love myself as well, I had to leave. I hadn't been true to myself for too many years. I was a beautiful package but there was nothing inside. I knew we loved each other, but something bigger was destroying our relationship. I remember telling my children that I was not happy with their father and that I needed to breathe. I told them I needed to find out what was wrong with me. I blamed myself. First, if I were measuring your oxygen saturation, I'd know when you were about to hit an energy system threshold. Second, a video of you at this point would show that you took a quick double breath, yawned, or lapsed into an irregular breathing pattern that's different from the one you started the session with.

Once you recognize what you're doing and when, it's easier to connect sensation (I feel short of breath . Then I could introduce the solution so you could explain it to me (I need to start out with a more sustainable breathing pattern or I need to switch to take a double breath but then return to my breathing cycle). Once you've made the connections among what's happening, why, what you're doing about it, and how you can do better, then you've developed the self-awareness to problem-solve independently. We can sometimes panic when our body freaks out. Frank Merritt and Brandon Rager, who played in the NFL, see this in their work with football teams. A sense of powerlessness over our own bodies is especially acute when we experience problems with our breath, because breathing is so essential. So if a football player is short of oxygen because he is breathing poorly or his cardiovascular training has been lacking, he's going to start taking short, staccato breaths. These signal his body to go even deeper into sympathetic high alert, which further disrupts his oxygen intake. Through this consistency, you will chip away at the problems. If you never stop, you will, sooner or later, overcome whatever obstacle is in front of you. That's it. There's nothing else. These are the simple steps to address any kind of issue you are bothered by. Now go out there and make it happen! Just use a calendar, make to-do lists and spend time every morning to figure out your plan for the day? There has got to be more. How can I figure out how to start my own business and ensure that it's actually successful? Can't you tell me the 14-step process to adequately discipline my kids? My husband said he didn't know what was wrong with me either. We have separated and I know I need to focus on me.

I am totally distraught and totally obsessed with him still. My weight is a roller coaster overmedicating with food and then trying to look like the women I imagine him with. But I am going to take care of me and hopefully change things for my children. Maite presents a picture of how culture can support a man's sexual acting out and how that consequently makes it more difficult for her to trust and honor herself. This was a marriage where she knew early on about his affairs and even about his other children. Regardless of culture, it is not uncommon for a child to be born as a consequence of the acting-out behavior. Maite became aware of these other children when they were still babies, whereas in many situations the female partner may not find out for years. Many times the father secretly supports the child and is even involved in the parenting. It's a vicious cycle. But if we can intervene and use technology as a teaching aid that connects his issue (being short of breath) to what his body is struggling with (low oxygen levels) and then to a solution (controlled diaphragm breaths for now, a cardiovascular training program for later), the panic goes away. Test Your Senses To fully recognize how thrown-off your senses likely are from your lack of attentiveness to them, you could try these four easy sensory experiments. Smelling: Try to go a week without exposing yourself to any artificial scents off any kind. This means giving cologne, detergents, and air fresheners the heave-ho. At the same time, make an effort to be more aware of natural scents. Try rubbing herbs like rosemary or sage between your fingers. If you go for a run on a winter day, home in on the smell of a wood-burning fire. Cook a curry dish and pay attention to the scent of each spice. Isn't there some secret solution that will solve my problems quickly? And what if the plan doesn't go well in the beginning?

What if it takes too long to solve my problems? What if it's just too hard and I lose motivation? At the core of every problem, it really is as simple as the previous five steps. You can read articles about how to grow a business, watch videos with interviews on how other entrepreneurs did it, listen to helpful podcasts and attend seminars with other business owners. No matter how complicated and intricate we want the plan to be, it boils down to these five steps: Identify Schedule Execute As is true of many partners, Maite repeatedly sought professional help. Unfortunately, like others, she was often told that she was overreacting and bore unwarranted suspicions. When Maite talks about acting crazy, she is referring to being in a fullblown trauma response. Her behavior is much more the norm, it is not about being crazy. In this final story, Jenny also realizes early on that her husband is sexual with other women. She trusts her own intuition but feels emotionally and financially trapped; She quickly learns that to be able to stay without going crazy, she has to accept his rationalizations, thereby losing her sense of true self, another response to the trauma of betrayal. The first time I found out my husband had been unfaithful I was eighteen years old, four months pregnant, and seven months into a marriage that I didn't really want to be in. So eighteen, married, pregnant, and deciding to give it my all, deciding to love him, believe in him, trust him, he comes home one night and I knew immediately that something was different with him. He was closed off a little, he was good at acting normal but I could sense the slightest change in him. Tasting: Make an effort to eliminate as much sugar from your diet as you can. That means not sweetening your coffee, ditching desserts, and drinking green tea with nothing added, for example.

After a few days, add in only natural sugars, like those found in fruit and honey. See how these taste compared to artificial sweeteners you may have used before, and how your tolerance for sweetness has changed. You could also do the same with added salt. Hearing: Start listening to music and your TV at the lowest possible volume. This might mean gradually lowering the output over a week. At the end of the experiment, I bet you'll feel like a lot of things around you--the blaring of a sports game at a restaurant, your buddy's car stereo, and so on--seem far too loud. Seeing: Commit to setting aside your sunglasses for a week (unless this would dangerously compromise your safety at a certain time of day, such as if the sun is in your eyes when you're driving back from work). By the end of the week, you'll probably find you're no longer oversensitive to sunlight and you notice more details in your surroundings than ever before. In the Lean Startup, Eric Reis discusses that the process is to (1) Build, (2) Measure and (3) Learn. You'll also find acronyms like PDCA, standing for (1) Plan, (2) Do, (3) Check and (4) Act, which apparently originated from Toyota's lean manufacturing production system. There's plenty of other articles and teachings that essentially express the same message. Determine what you want, figure out how to get there, act on the plan and refine it to consistently get better results. In the last few articles of this article, starting with article 9, we go a little deeper and illustrate practical examples of what it looks like to live a good, non-apathetic lifestyle. You can jump ahead if you really want to, in case you want an abridged version of this article. For the first eight articles, I want to dive into something that's more important than implementing the actual steps. Because, honestly, you could find the specific steps to a more meaningful and impactful life in lots of places. There have been articles for more than a hundred years on how to do a better job at living. And that, right there, is why I'm writing this article. I didn't push the issue until later that night when I just kept asking him what had gone on at work that day. Finally, unable to persuade me that everything was fine, he started to tell me how much he loved me and how he was in love with me and that being in love with me was the most important thing, and that what he did at work didn't have any effect on that.