The bus going back that way won't be here for twenty minutes, I said. I'll buy you another article. They don't sell that one here. The good news is that research on the emotional lives of older adults suggests that, like many other complex abilities, our capacity for intimacy improves with age. GENDER DIFFERENCES IN INTIMACY: MARS, VENUS, OR BOTH? By now, you've heard the popular psychology shtick that men so differ from women when it comes to intimacy and sexual intimacy that we guys are on a different planet. Maybe you also have heard that men's late life is sometimes described as utterly unlike our younger years: there is supposedly an androgynous drift as we age,6 when the rigid masculine versus feminine expectations that valorized youth in our earlier years blur and as adult men we are no longer expected to be one-dimensional, defining ourselves by our toughness and breadwinning. The older man (who is passing 60), in this view, may be less stoic, more nurturing and emotionally vulnerable, and receptive to deeper intimacy than he was in his youth. The values within postmodernity, the era we are currently in, also have been described as a time of less gender separateness7 and less ageism,8 freeing middle-aged men from the misconceptions that being intimate isn't masculine and getting old means becoming unattractive and disadvantaged. Changing times and the lengthening of the individual life course would seem to be granting permission to men to explore more fully emotional closeness and let go of the (sexual) performance anxieties that dominated our youth. Gender (masculinity and femininity) is an accomplishment. It is social, not biological. and sexism are still prevalent in popular culture, casting heterosexual men as if they are on a war planet and stupid when it comes to their feelings or understanding the feelings of others. that it is not the problem that is your concern. is causing stress is your lack of a solution. The fact that Mary is having a birthday party is not your problem. You may need to address the question of what to buy for a present or how to get your daughter to the party on time. Do not attempt to answer these questions during your routine; Think about walking the wall. If you have a serious problem, this is the time to open yourself to it.

Do not run from it or try to ignore it. Admit that the wall is high. Say to yourself: I don't fully understand how high yet; This happens every 19 to 20 years. You've probably heard the saying `once in a blue-moon' - well, that's what this moon brings: a once-in-a-blue moon opportunity for change and transformation. A blue moon adds extra energy to the already potent illuminating power of a full moon, helping you to clearly see all the things that you put off doing and how you can take steps towards making them happen. could be anything from changing jobs, taking a leap of faith into starting a new venture, leaving an outdated relationship or finally taking that trip you've been talking about. blue moon helps you to see why you have been putting these things off and gives you that once-in-a-blue-moon chance to change things. New-moon energy is greatly amplified on a black moon; usually helps to look at what the first new moon of the month brought for you, as this will lay the groundwork and set the tone for the following black moon. black moon will often bring a big release, creating space for what you want to manifest. new-moon intentions will be amplified and backed by extra power and potential, so make sure that you dream big on a black moon. SOLAR AND LUNAR ECLIPSES Hmm, he said, as he took another measure of my brain using the Muse. My brain activity was now much more balanced across each hemisphere. The anxiety was gone. More activity in my visual cortex at the back of my head. What's that? I said, pointing at a helmet with wires sticking out of it. A God Helmet.

It stimulates all regions of your brain at once to give you a religious experience. He went on to tell me about a breakthrough experience he had a few years ago when he applied sixteen magnetic coils to his head for about twenty minutes. Afterward I had an intense individuation experience, he explained. But I'd bet she had a hard time sleeping that night; Luckily, before it was too late I remembered my resilience skills. Because of the disrespect I felt, I decided to give the best speech of my life. I accessed and used the discrimination I had felt as fuel. I also drew on Relational Resilience--I knew I cared about the students in that area too much to blow an opportunity to help them. Because of that, I put my whole heart into that speech and received a fantastic response from the audience. The conference host watched their reaction and approached me. Now, of course she knew at this point that she'd been played. Although I am sure she was relieved that the speech went well, there had to be a part of her that was hurt. But she said to me, Christian, I am so sorry how I treated you. Pruning Yields New Opportunities One woman I worked with, a video editor named Susan, is an avid gardener. In a conversation about the principle of pruning, she observed that whenever she pruned back a single branch in her garden, two new growths would emerge. Pruning activities in our life often seems to work the same way. Don't be surprised if your willingness to endure a little temporary discomfort by cutting away good but ill-timed projects and opportunities yields an abundant harvest of new ideas and exciting prospects. Be wise about the commitments you make and the way in which you manage your energy. It could be the single greatest determining factor in whether you are the superstar who burns out on the altar of short-term productivity or the one who thrives for a lifetime.

It's difficult to separate good energy management from the proper management of time, stimuli, focus, and relationships. Each of these areas of rhythm affects each of the others. Don't be surprised, for instance, if your newly implemented practices around energy begin to give you a greater sense of enthusiasm to the relationships in your life. It's special. Not like your stupid earrings or eye shadows, she snapped. Miranda, please, I said. Zoe is waiting. Miranda scowled and stomped off to park herself on a bench, digging through her backpack for her sketch pad. Zoe came out a shop door with an armful of bags, wearing a purple tee and capris. She piled the purchases on the ground next to my feet, then dug around in her Coach bag for her pink flip cam. Where's Miranda? I make a shushing noise, glancing around to see if Miranda could hear. I haven't asked her yet, I whisper. Consistent with our gendered past, there is continuity in how we see ourselves as we get older, and a primary focus of older men's lives is instrumental (making things happen), but these characteristics do not mean that men's lives are unemotional and unnurturing. Men are stereotyped as clods, but in real life we are interested in making our friends and lovers feel good. Some have argued that women express their love by communicating feelings, whereas men express love not by talking but by doing things or engaging in physical acts. Yet both academic scholars and popular press authors have called attention to sex differences, which unavoidably homogenizes men into stereotyped characters and frankly ignores what men really feel and do. An alternative view is that both men and women regard close relationships similarly; Men do have feelings, can love and care about their partner, and, unlike the stereotypes, do not single-mindedly equate intimacy with sex. Maybe men tend to be doers, and maybe women are better at expressing feelings.

Even so, men are not inexpressive doers, as stereotyped. COMMUNICATION STYLE People in intimate relationships need to be aware of all of the factors influencing how the other person will hear what they have to say. Before my next stress-reduction routine I shall have a better understanding of this problem. Many of the events in our lives that seem serious (the impending death of a family member, a deadline of some sort) are not problems over which we have control. However, they may create problems (how to deal with grief, obstacles to meeting the deadline) that require solutions. Try to put these issues into perspective. Define for yourself realistic schedules for dealing with them. Remember, this is not a time for problem solving. You are dealing with stress, not the problem itself. So do not spend too much time on this step. I try to keep it to under a minute. You are simply identifying your greatest problem, sizing up the height of the wall, and making a commitment to yourself to deal with it. A solar eclipse can only happen on a new moon, as the moon passes between the earth and the sun, blocking out the sun. A lunar eclipse can only happen on a full moon, as the moon passes directly behind the earth, blocking the light of the sun from shining on the moon. A blood moon happens during a lunar eclipse when refracted lights from the earth's atmosphere make the moon appear red. Eclipses usually tend to happen twice a year and come in seasons, which last about 35 days. During this eclipse season there will be two or three eclipses, so any full or new moon occurring in this season will be an eclipse. The time between these eclipses is known as a gateway and is a magical, powerful time of growth and change. Eclipses tend to come along to reveal truths, bring things to your attention and help put you back on the right path, creating endings and new beginnings.