And how could someone who dislikes closed spaces be no less afraid of open, public ones? Once again, however, it is important to understand that a person experiencing an agoraphobic panic response is often motivated by a thought process that presents itself to them as fully rational and logical. People are often not afraid of the open space itself, but of what they fear may happen to them within it. You don't have the time or capacity to be feeling guilty because you're making second-class decisions. It's completely avoidable and you're responsible for dodging that bullet every single day. When you're feeling guilty, you owe yourself an explanation for its presence. You owe yourself an explanation for why you aren't doing what you're supposed to be doing. Become focused, driven, and active and you won't feel guilty from a lack of accomplishment. Getting your act together, getting better, and growing is extremely uncomfortable because you're doing things differently from the way you've always done them. You're shocking and waking your mind and body up. You're seeing things you haven't seen. You're feeling things you haven't felt. You're learning things you don't know. You're experiencing things you've never experienced. Things your mind and body aren't used to. Things the childish part of your mind doesn't like. Things pushing your physical and mental limits. Things forcing you out of your comfort zone. Things forcing you to stretch, adapt, and grow. Things filling your mind with quality and value and forcing the trash out.

You're experiencing the pain and discomfort of a much needed mental puberty. Get used to it. You're becoming the adult you're supposed to be. Your mind is growing up. You can't avoid the uncomfortable growing pains. They're necessary. That's how you know it's working. You can't appreciate the process unless you develop a relationship with the pain, weirdness, and uncomfortableness. Once it's learned and experienced, you've adapted to it. It's part of who you are. Your comfort zone absorbs it and expands. It's no longer uncomfortable. It no longer hurts. It's easier. It's second nature. It's unconscious. But you first have to endure the pain. First, you first have to be uncomfortable. First, you have to grit your teeth and deal with it. When you're feeling extremely comfortable, something is wrong.

It means you're not pushing hard enough. You're not learning. You're not experiencing. You're not stretching. You're not growing. If you don't get uncomfortable, you'll become weaker and move backwards. When someone is around a passive-aggressive person they may find themselves feeling angry, hurt, confused, manipulated, and guilty. This type of behaviour is aimed at avoiding direct confrontation and rejection and often leads to a breakdown in relationships. Write down the following words and circle those that best describe you. An assertive person often feels relaxed and confident. Assertiveness does not provide immunity against experiencing difficult emotions and an assertive person has a full range of emotions. However, an assertive person can choose the appropriate behaviour to use. Those who are around an assertive person will usually feel valued, respected, and listened to. An assertive person's behaviour makes people feel safe, secure, and fairly treated. Assertive people seize opportunities, develop healthy relationships, and feel genuinely confident. Assertive people respect themselves and other people equally. They choose to show this respect in the way they openly, honestly, and genuinely deal with other people. They will stand up for themselves. Setting boundaries is one way in which we show respect for ourselves. It is up to each individual to decide what boundaries to create.

Assertive people are prepared to take responsibility for what they say, for what they feel, and for what they do. They realize how important it is to act in a responsible way. For example: I feel put down when you shout at me' is more assertive thanYou make me angry when you shout at me'. Using the word I' is one way of taking responsibility for what you feel, think, say, and do - for example,I feel let down about this decision'. Assertive people recognize the need to make choices and do not avoid doing so. They believe that even if they make the wrong choice it is not the end of the world. Assertiveness means taking risks and assertive people believe that life is based on acceptable risktaking. Listen to what the other person is saying and demonstrate you have heard and understood what has been said. You are more likely to get the outcome you seek if the other person feels you have really heard him/her. Very often we are more concerned with what we want to say than what the other person has said, and this can lead to the pantomime situation of Oh yes you did, oh no, I didn't'. <a href=''>In</a> step two you say what you think or feel. <a href=''>If</a> this stage is to flow smoothly you need to use a link word or phrase such ashowever', or on the other hand', oralternatively'. In step three you say what you want to happen. To help this section flow from the one before you need to use the link word and. In step three you are looking for what could be called a workable compromise, something that will sort the situation out and help both parties learn something useful for the next time such a situation arises. Change takes time. If you find yourself reacting quickly count to three in your head and take a deep breath. This should slow you down so that you can make a more considered response. What is so troubling about ACEs is that they are additive. One is bad enough, but four, five, or more are a powerful prescription for illness and despair, often by adolescence.

ACEs can lead youth in this or any other country to such problems, among many others, as alcohol and drug abuse; depression; heart, lung, and liver diseases; STDs; intimate-partner violence; smoking, especially at an early age; suicide attempts; and unintended pregnancies. As the number of ACEs youth experience increases, so too does their risk for multiple consequences. ACEs seem to do their damage in two principal ways: first, by inducing a chronic stress response in the brain, and thus body, which lowers immunity to disease and is instrumental in the development of a variety of mental and physical illnesses such as depression and PTSD--as well as limiting the capacity to recover from them. Second, they also do damage in the long term, producing effects such as cigarette smoking, alcohol and drug abuse, and unprotected sex. The combined results of chronic stress and risky behaviors induce a host of diseases and social problems, often by adolescence or young adulthood. Diseases and disorders mount, limiting functioning and quality of life and producing disability and early death. It is because of the prevalence of ACEs and because of their impact on our youth that I answered the interviewer's question the way I did. Prevention of ACEs is no small feat. But there are ways to make a difference, now. And the payoff might even exceed the return on investment seen in California's anti-tobacco campaign. Frederick Douglass said, "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." A couple examples of proven approaches to ACEs and childhood trauma and behavioral problems come to mind. The first step must be prevention of the consequences of childhood abuse, neglect, and troubled homes, which remains elusive despite its importance. I asked Laurie Miller Brotman, PhD, a colleague at NYU and a friend, to give us an example of how a family beset with adverse childhood experiences was helped by ParentCorps, her community-based intervention that is delivered as an enhancement to pre-K programs. I'm fairly far from home out here. If I had a panic attack out here, it would be a really long time before I could get home. If the panic attack was really bad, I'm not sure how I'd get myself home at all. I'm not sure I could walk that far. How long would I be stuck out here? Would anyone find me? I have to make sure I brought my Xanax with me.