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If you offer him the freedom to be, do, and love in whatever way he chooses, the communication between the two of you flourishes If your child complains about his inability to withstand peer-pressure, this is your opportunity to assist him. But he doesn't want your high and mighty acumen; Remind him that he is the one who lives with the consequences of his behavior, not his friends. He is the one who regrets the results, not his friends. A good relationship has space for different people with different hobbies. Key tip for your dating search Don't worry about finding someone with the same hobbies. It's fine to enjoy different activities as long as you give each other the space and freedom to explore those hobbies on your own. THE OTHER SIGNIFICANT OTHER (OSO) One technique for managing different hobbies is the other significant other (OSO), a phrase coined by relationship scientist Eli Finkel. Modern couples often assume they can get all of their needs met by their romantic partner. They expect this one person to wear many hats--in fact, almost all of the hats; Expecting our partners to fulfill all our needs puts a lot of pressure on relationships. OSOs help alleviate that pressure. Sometimes getting the courage to ask for help is the hardest part, but it's so worth taking that step. Here's the secret: Self-love isn't something you have to create. It's just waiting for you to open that door, even if it's just a crack. It takes a willingness and courage to let yourself feel it, and if you do, your life will shift and change in positive, life-affirming, life-supporting ways. As you go through this leg of your quest, may you start to awaken to how amazing you are.

May you begin to feel--even if it's for a moment--that you are deserving and worthy of living a life filled with joy, appreciation, strength, pleasure, excitement, energy, and love. People who love themselves set healthy boundaries. They have the ability to know what is acceptable in their lives and can say, No, I will not allow this. They help us to know who we are, how we feel, and what we're thinking, and they are what we need to stay centered, healthy, and filled with our life force. Boundaries show us who we want to be, how we want to be treated, and the experiences we want to have in the world. He is the one who puts his life on the line, not his friends. He is the one who leaves your home from endangering other relatives, not his friends. This is the advice that makes him sit up and take notice. This is the powerful autonomy he is seeking. This is the manner in which he copies your behavior without the slightest hesitation. He needs to learn to take responsibility for himself at every age, in every situation. The easier you make this challenge for him while he is still at home, the easier it will be when he leaves home. Give him the valued prize: belief in self. It's the only advice he will welcome because it is the only search he is on. Regardless of your present status in life, your goal is to expand your loving heart. Think of it this way: If you try to pile dozens of hats on one person's head, the pile (and maybe the person) will topple over. Instead, you can give the baseball cap to your sports-loving cousin and call her when you want to talk RBIs. You can give the cowboy hat to your friend who loves country music and make plans with him the next time you want a two-stepping partner. Research from social psychologists Elaine Cheung, Wendi Gardner, and Jason Anderson supports this idea. They found that having multiple people you can turn to for emotional needs--rather than just one or two--leads to an increase in your overall well-being.

For example, you might talk to your roommate when you're angry and depend on your sister when you're sad. When you're in a relationship, here's how you can incorporate OSOs into your life. Consider what roles you've asked your partner to play that they are uninterested in fulfilling: for example, insisting they go to a party with you when they much prefer smaller gatherings. Or wishing your partner would suggest visits to museums and art galleries when it's just not their thing. Remember, just because they don't share all your interests doesn't make them a bad partner! Unfortunately, many people with unresolved trauma have no idea what boundaries are, how to set them, or that they are allowed for themselves. That's partly due to our culture. No one teaches us about boundaries. For women, it's more complicated. It's often expected that they put aside their needs and sense of self for others, especially when children come into the picture. The other part has to do with trauma. Those of us who have experienced childhood trauma often lack boundaries to begin with. We were never allowed to have them. We had no ability or agency in our lives to tell someone to stop. We couldn't speak up to say what was okay--we probably didn't even know what okay felt like. If you have more than one way of doing that--such as raising a family and pursuing a career--your soul believes it is wise. However, the issue of being a parent, as well as being a wage earner, is more of a female concern than a male concern since men have been doing both for quite a while. God doesn't look at the Earth and see gender. God sees light expanding. God doesn't stereotype;

God responds to the prayer for love. To find harmony as you parent and pursue a career simultaneously is to know that harmony comes from release, not confinement. The question is not, who holds the power? The question is, who is making choices to reveal the power within? You reveal the power within by honoring the power in others. And for those roles your partner isn't suited for, find a friend or family member who can fill in. In the long run, this will make you happier because your needs are being met. And it will make your partner happier because they can focus on roles that match their skills and interests. WHAT MATTERS MORE THAN WE THINK When I work with clients, I rarely hear them say their number one goal is to find someone who's emotionally stable. Or good at making hard decisions. Sometimes they'll mention kindness, but usually after telling me their height minimum and maximum. And yet these are all examples of qualities that relationship scientists have found contribute much more to long-term relationship success than superficial traits or shared interests. It's not that people don't know that this stuff matters; They may be discernible only after spending time with someone. Or we may have learned to doubt ourselves. If our trauma has been dismissed or downplayed, say we have constantly been told that we're oversensitive, or stop being a baby, or we had a parent who continually criticized or was mean to us, then we could have been disconnected from our perception of reality. Boundaries would have become confusing, where we have no idea what safe feels like. If trauma slammed into your life as an adult, it will have changed you on so many levels. You will now have to relearn boundaries (assuming you had a firm hold on them before).

There is a very real before and after feel to your life, so what may have been acceptable previously may not be anymore--or vice versa. Regardless of your trauma, you need healthy boundaries. Without them, you can lose your sense of self. You may care more about keeping harmony and peace in a relationship--whether that's in your personal or professional life--becoming a people pleaser. And when you continually push aside your emotions and needs, you can be more vulnerable to being taken advantage of or exploited. You honor the power in others by releasing them to reach their full potential. Parenting is what you make of it, just as careers are what you make of them, and everything is what you make of it. This article speaks to the merging of parenthood and career so that you can fully explore and fully enjoy both. As soon as parenting is seen as equal in value to the role of earning a living, the problem of having both disappears. The stress around either is the result of judgment, ie, the woman should be doing this and the man should be doing that--and if they aren't, something is wrong. When the populous sees both as equally vital to the nourishment of the whole family unit, support develops to back it up. Choices are never static. You might choose homemaking for a while, only to change your mind and become a wage earner. Often, it's the other way around. When you judge one choice as better than another, you encourage ambivalence: If I stay at home with my children, I'll miss the chance to have the career of my dreams. This also explains why dating apps focus on the easier-to-measure, matter-less-than-you-think traits, but more on that in the next article. In his article The Science of Happily Ever After, psychologist Ty Tashiro digs into the existing research on what matters when choosing a partner. He found that emotional stability and kindness are two of the most important and yet underrated characteristics. He defines emotional stability as being able to self-regulate and not give in to anger or impulsivity. The combined emotional stability of a couple predicts the satisfaction and stability of their relationship.