Date Tags support

This step requires asking the question, "What experiences have I had to support the healthier and more productive view I discerned in Step Five?" After all the feelings are sorted out comes the moment when the truth is told. Admitting that your feelings are yours, owning them as your reality without having to justify, explain, defend, or understand them is the next essential step in the process. Often people think that once they have sorted out and acknowledged their feelings it's all done; they can get back to everyday life. It's not that simple. In order for healing to take place effectively, there needs to be a release. It's as if you wanted to have a wound heal, but you left the venom inside. You need to extract the poison before the healing can effectively take place. Emotionally speaking, the poison is the feeling(s) that you have been harboring within yourself. That feeling needs to be released in order for you to let go of the pain, hurt, trauma, or anger. Advertisers seem to have noticed our sense of disempowerment and have answered us with more and more products and services with the adjective "power" added to the title. Power clothing, power bars, power everything. And now other similar adjectives are being thrown at us: magnum, ultra, max. These words wouldn't be seen on thousands of products if we as a society felt powerful. It is because of our sense of powerlessness that we want to buy things that might give us even a bit more power. But sometimes to move forward, you simply need to unchain yourself from the past. Then you may find that you have all the power that you need once the past has been released. To let go of the past may be the most meaningful action you will ever take. To do so requires a process of healing and often forgiveness, and this process can't be skipped over in your quest to transform yourself. This is yet another reason why self-awareness is so critical, because without it we may remain chained and imprisoned to our past for our entire lifetime. I have met many people in their later years still waiting for someone to open the door to their cells.

I record the exercise I've done each day along with my weight, which I struggle to keep down. This gives positive reinforcement, motivation and awareness. I don't watch much TV, but I record poker and football games and watch them while I treadmill. With fast forward, I can skip all the commercials and timeouts. So I actually look forward to my exercise periods, partly because it feels good and I like the treadmill, but also because I can watch the poker or football. This does not give you license to vent your feelings on anyone who upsets you. If you were to do this, you might get locked up. For instance if you were stopped on the street by a policeman who started asking you questions, and you vented your anger on him, you might get escorted to jail. You want to choose appropriate places to release your feelings so people don't become alarmed. Over the years I have found that using a surrogate to release and vent the emotions can be very helpful. Similar to role-playing that helps you reenact a situation to air your feelings, in a safe way, without creating a new incident. Using a coach or friend as a surrogate can help discharge built-up energy as well. To have access to your emotions but to also be able to monitor their release is essential to successful emotional management. You need to be able to choose where and when you release your emotions. Why is exercise particularly good for ADD? Maybe it strengthens both the cerebellum and also the basal ganglia, a group of cells near the middle of the brain which is what goes bad in Parkinson's disease, and like the cerebellum, is related to movement and has been implicated in ADD. Let go of your ego-centered demand, and instead have compassion for others, even if they don't share your views. They too are trying to deal with reality in their own ways, just like you. Instead of saying, "I can't tolerate others' views," say, "I won't" or "I don't choose to." Then take responsibility for your choice. Ask yourself what "idols of the mind" are impairing your objectivity, and then exercise your willpower to disregard them.

Identify your behavioral responses. Create your plan of action. Based on these insights, make another list, of the things you would do differently. Be creative. This new list will be your plan of action! Your point of view is no more credible than that of anyone else simply because it's yours. You can tolerate alternative points of view if you choose to. If someone set himself up as a reality guru and tried to impose his points of view on you, how would you like it? There have been lots of times I thought I had offended someone and was mistaken. In fact, I remember one time, when I first met Julia at our parish Bible study, I told a joke that fell flat. Nobody in our group laughed, and I wasn't even sure that they heard it. I drove myself crazy that week thinking that I had made a complete fool of myself and that Julia and the other people in the group wouldn't want to be around me anymore. But when I showed up for the Bible study the next week, everyone gave me a big hug and was just as happy to see me as usual. I made myself crazy for nothing. It makes much more sense to compare this most recent situation with the text to the time I told that dumb joke at the Bible study than it does to compare it to what happened to me in first grade or with my dad. None of us act like children, and unlike my dad, Julia usually seems happy to see me. I need to hold on to that. You do not want to confuse communicating with experiencing, expressing, and releasing the emotions. People confuse these four, thinking: If I communicate to the person, then I have released the "charge." Communication is an important step, and it can happen in many ways. You can do it verbally, face-to-face, over the phone, or in writing.

You want to make sure that you release the "charge" on the feeling before you communicate it to the person who has been the catalyst for the feeling. It is important that you communicate responsibly. After all, you want to produce a result, not just blow people away. It may feel great to release your feelings, especially after so many years of suppressing them, but you need to anticipate the result venting will produce. Often the emotional charge is disproportionate to the stimulus. This happens as a result of the accumulation of past, unexpressed situations. When you don't address the emotions hidden underneath the message, you are a loaded gun waiting to shoot an unsuspecting person who might accidentally hit the trigger. You may offend, insult, and alienate people if you do not separate these two steps. Numerous acts of random people shooting innocent bystanders in schools, malls, and neighborhoods have occurred in the US, Russia, Israel, Scotland, Yemen, The Netherlands, Germany, Sweden, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Argentina, Canada, Finland, Azerbaijan, Brazil, Norway, and France. The US has by far the majority of incidents, but it causes us to stop and reflect on why this growing phenomenon is proliferating. One of the reasons that has been sited is because of bullying in the schools. Another is the significant violent role models presented in the media. Another reason might be the total lack of permission to express feelings, and the tacit approval of resolving issues with weapons. If children and adults constantly see their heroes resolve their conflicts with guns, bombs, and missiles, both in films and in real life, then it starts to become normal in their reality to follow suit. It is a matter of connecting the dots. If we want to reduce the widespread violent behavior, we need to make it more safe and acceptable for people, adults and children alike, to express their not-so-desirable feelings in a non-violent and responsible manner. It is my experience that women have more of a proclivity toward healing, spirituality, and yoga due to their more nurturing and emotionally aware nature. Women are permitted by society to express their feelings, to cry, and to be sensitive. Women often learn to dance at a very early age, so they learn to perceive their bodies as a vehicle for beauty, grace, and expression. In these dance classes they learn coordination and to stretch slowly and move with awareness.

Women have a natural disposition to sharing their bodies. First with a lover and then while pregnant with a child. After giving birth, a woman's body continues to be the source of the infant's nourishment. These physical realities, in my observation, contribute to women living in a more body-aware and body-nurturing way. They enjoy bathing, moisturizing, pedicures, and manicures. They often refer to that as pampering themselves and take full joy in it. Men, on the other hand, generally learn early on to use their bodies as competitive vehicles, something to control and dominate. Feelings of vulnerability, fear, and pain are to be denied and suppressed. Being the fastest, strongest, or most agile translates into social power for boys. This mind-set follows them into manhood. In football and other sports, boys are even trained to use their bodies as weapons. Boys are not taught to nurture their bodies. On the contrary, athletes are often not only taught to endure pain and injury but are also encouraged to "play with pain." Maybe exercise improves the basal ganglia. Exercise is one part of treatment for ADD. There are strategies to make it easier to keep up with the physical activity. So, we have the four S's: structure and schedule, sleep, and some physical activity. These foster healthy living but specifically they help us ADDers to focus and to function better. Using these four S's provides a foundation on which to build the strategies, rules and habits. Meditation and yoga can also help. Undeniably, there are times when you truly have been treated badly (maybe even very badly), and it is understandable how you can be upset.