Your focus is on feeling the air rush through your nose as you breath. This feeling represents your meditation object in the context of this meditation exercise. This is only a half-truth. Acceptance or rejection isn't just a matter of what you can provide, but also a matter of what the other person needs. To become the author of your own life, you'll need to accept that being rejected isn't a mark against your worth. George Lucas, who redefined public perception of the sci-fi genre in film, was rejected several times before he could find a studio willing to help him create A New Hope, a film remembered as a classic today. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was rejected 12 times, even though it evidently had enough worth to create a septology of articles and an octology of films, all widely popular. Vincent van Gogh barely had an audience for his art during his lifetime, yet the worth of his work is without question today. When a person rejects you, whether it's in the context of dating, a job offer, or something else, do not assume it is because you weren't good enough. Often when a person is looking for someone, they have a list of unspoken expectations that never make it past their lips due to the assumptions of their worldview. In other words, rejection simply means you didn't fit in with what they were expecting, or what they believed they needed; Therefore, you are not to blame for any rejection you have suffered thus far, and it isn't a mark against your character or competence by any means. She'd been keeping me in the loop on her futurecasting progress via Skype and email, but I wanted to get the full report in person. This time we met at a small pizza joint in the burbs. The lunch rush had emptied out, and happy hour folks had yet to arrive. Well, I said, how are things going? I quit my job, Susan said, beaming with happiness. I hadn't heard that part in any of our recent exchanges. Yeah, I did it two days ago. It's not public knowledge, but I thought you should know because it's all to do with you.

Well, I don't know about that, I protested. No, really, she said, leaning forward. In other exercises you can use other objects, both here physical impressions and feelings or thoughts. Focus on the sensation of breath flowing through your nose for a few minutes. If you get distracted, it doesn't matter. Just keep bringing your focus back to your breath. Don't put yourself under pressure. For beginners in meditative practices, it is normal to keep thinking about something new. Finding your way back into focus is not a disruption, but is actually an integral and central part of any meditation practice. When your thoughts have calmed down after a while, the concentration and focus on your meditation object will come naturally. As soon as you notice that you have achieved the awareness and concentration you want, move on to the next section of your exercise. Realize very clearly that right now, right now, you are breathing in and out. It might've just been the wrong time (eg asking for a waitering job when the tourist season is over) or the wrong place; Finally, one cannot emphasize enough that it is always your request that has been rejected, not you. Someone who doesn't feel ready to date you may still like you if you just be yourself around them. A potential employer who felt unsure about hiring you might still get along with you on a personal level if you contact them at a later time. Don't let rejections define your self-esteem. You could be the best pork salesman in the world, but if you tried making your fortune selling to vegans, you'd feel worthless if you took the rejection personally. Instead, let the rejection be a teacher; Even more so if you ask for closure.

Over time, this can grant you great insight into what kind of person to approach in future. When approaching someone new, never forget that they are not the people who rejected you; I took your advice and sat down with my husband and we talked through the possible futures we wanted for ourselves. It's funny--it wasn't very hard and it seemed ridiculous that we hadn't done it before. Based on the future of work in general and where her industry specifically was headed, Susan decided it was time for a major change. Once we figured out the future we wanted, it all seemed so obvious, she said. She then proceeded to fill me in on the details, in between bites of deep-dish pizza piled high with cheese and sausage. After our coffee last winter, Susan became immersed in the contemplative stage of futurecasting, imagining the possibilities of what the future might look like. Her first step had been to expand her social network. It's easy for people in midcareer to get stuck in a rut since they've been surrounded by the same kind of professionals for so long. In Susan's case, that meant a lot of C-suite marketing types whose focus was always pinned to their company's bottom line. She had started having coffee and lunch with people who worked at start-ups, nonprofits, NGOs, and other organizations she thought she might want to be involved with. Be fully aware of this mundane activity. This puts you in a state of conscious mindfulness. You don't just breathe, you can experience it consciously, you are fully aware of this process. Remain in this exact state for a while . Of course, there will still be distractions, but they will become less and less common. And since you are now in a state of awareness and clarity, you can also perceive the things that are trying to distract you in a different way . So don't ask convulsively to return your thoughts to your meditation object, but take a closer look at these distractions. An uncomfortable feeling in one leg caused by lying down for too long.

A noise from the street outside. A thought of what happened to you at work today, or what you are going to cook yourself after meditation. Such a belief is vanity. No, they're simply an individual with their own thoughts and feelings, just like you. So, failure or rejection simply isn't a guarantee, no matter how often you may have felt rejected by others before. If you can believe this, your ability to expand authorship over your life will increase, as rejection will slowly cease to stop your dreams, and slowly begin to refine their direction instead. Developing Potential Still, while we cannot control whether someone accepts or rejects us, we can control whether we expand our skills and fulfill the criteria needed for our goals. Asserting your potential starts with understanding your fears for what they are, with seeing rejection for what it actually is, but to make your assertions meaningful you need to follow through by sharpening your mind for the trials ahead. The first key skill to develop is one's assertiveness. This can be done easily through understanding what assertiveness is; Being assertive simply means that you've made a habit of speaking clearly. The simple act of talking to people about the kind of career she wanted and the kind she wanted to avoid made the whole experience feel more real. It also allowed her to refine her ideal future career path. At a certain point in the process, maybe a dozen meetings in, I felt my whole life story starting to change, Susan said. You flipped the script. This is always such a gratifying moment when I'm working with a client. I often think it must be how psychiatrists feel when patients finally have that long-awaited breakthrough. Susan responded. You know, I'm still proud of all the success I achieved in the corporate world.

But I realized how little meaning I derived from it. Purpose over pleasure, I said, referring to our earlier conversations, and the teachings of Scott Cloutier, aka Professor Happiness. Name these distractions, give you an acquisitions and make them aware. However, you should not proceed too detailed, that you could detach the from of the achieved state of clarity. Define the pain in your leg as simply pain or the thought of work as thought. If you manage to name these disturbing impressions, your mind will automatically categorize you and put you in a drawer where they can no longer distract you. Enjoy the clarity and awareness for as long as you want. You will find the end of this exercise by looking at yourself from the outside and perceiving yourself as part of the space around you. Now open your eyes, take a deep breath and return to your everyday life. The application of mindfulness in everyday life Mindfulness meditation enables you to gain a special form of awareness that focuses your attention on the moment. You can practice this form of meditation in almost all life situations. It means recognizing that your body takes up space, and that it is okay for it to do so. It means recognizing that you can voice your concerns and desires directly, and that you choose to do so. It also means recognizing that while no one is entitled to fulfil those desires, nor are they entitled to encroach on your property or rights. It also means continuing to recognize that you have needs (see article 2), and that you are within your rights to communicate those needs. If a person's requests are stretching you thin, you are well within your rights to say so, so that you and everyone around you can plan around realistic limitations. It means being able to listen to where another person is coming from, validating their thoughts, then calmly sharing where you're coming from, seeking to explain your perspective rather than rebut theirs. If people reject you for insisting that you're a human being and not a machine, that says a lot more about them than it does about you. Never let fear of rejection stand in the way of you standing up for yourself, and don't let the loudest speaker fool you into thinking everyone else agrees with them.