Thus, to ask the child whether he cares to come back would be a mockery, unless the referring agent is actually willing for the child to discontinue therapy. Within this framework of compulsion, a nondirective approach is still possible. When the child asks, the therapist can state that he himself cannot require the child to come, and that such authority does not belong to him. In a school situation, the therapist who is an outsider and comes only for play therapy contacts is apt to have an easier time of it than a regular staff member, for he can truthfully assure the child that playroom events will not be a part of school records, nor reported to parents or teachers. Are there other people you can delegate to? Things that you don't actually need to do? Make a list of tasks that could be delegated and begin the process of removing them, delegating to other family members or outsourcing. Learn to say NO Do YOU have to do all of it? Can chores be divided amongst family members? Are there commitments you can withdraw from that no longer interest you or serve your happiness. That no longer fits with the Intentional Life you envisage? Are you spending time with people who don't lift you up and make you feel amazing? Or doing things out of duty or loyalty that doesn't bring you joy? The problem is that your radar only scans within a very limited range. If you have an anger-tuned radar, for instance, it's scanning for opportunities to light up with a Ka-ching! My rights have been violated! A sadness radar scans the world for what you've lost or are missing out on. When your radar pings on something, your emotions get triggered. The problem is that your emotion radar may be so strong and automatic that it causes you to feel emotions that are not warranted, and these emotions exacerbate our stress.

They obscure our thinking and our ability to problem-solve, which further gets in the way when we're trying to find our way through pressure-packed situations. Certainly, there are times that we legitimately feel angry or anxious or sad, but today we're looking at the proportion of times that we get unnecessarily overpowered by these emotions. If we're not aware of it, our emotion radar can run the show and cause us to feel troubling emotions without prompting us to pause and see if they're truly warranted. Again, if you've ever felt too angry, too anxious, too anything to deal with a situation calmly, you know what we mean. Suspicion of betrayal is less apt to fall upon the head of one who is not seen hobnobbing with teachers. Although the child may be compelled to come to the therapy hour, he is not obliged to spend it in any particular way. Once the playroom door closes behind him, he is boss, subject to the broad limits outlined above. If he declines to participate in any way, he is permitted this refusal. Like his action, his silence is a secret between him and the therapist. The question arises of how long an apparently deadlocked case should be permitted to continue. The therapist's time may be required for cases on a waiting list. One approach which has seemed feasible is for the child to be told that he must come a certain number of times, and that afterwards, he may discontinue if he wishes. On the basis of limited experience in a school situation, it appears that at least half the children given such an option will decide to continue therapy. No doubt the therapist's skill is a very important variable here. From your list above, what can you say No to now? Write them down. Begin to work down the list removing things in your life that aren't serving your purpose or that you don't need to do. Some examples of things you can remove or delegate are: Paying someone to do your taxes. Leave groups that you have outgrown.

Unsubscribe from newsletters you have never read. Remove Facearticle `friends' you have never met. Remove Facearticle friends you are no longer friends with. Leave in-person and online groups that you are no longer interested in. We've all been there. The good news is that we can show you the way out. The 7 Big Emotions There are seven primary negative emotions that have the ability to ramp up our stress levels: anger, anxiety, frustration, sadness, guilt, embarrassment, and shame. We can feel a mix of emotions at any one time, but ninety-nine out of one hundred people can easily pinpoint the emotion that most gets in their way. What emotion do you go to first when you're experiencing something bad? Is it anxiety? That's your default emotion. It's the one that your radar is tuned in to above all others, so it scans for it, looking for any and all opportunities to light up your emotional screen and wreak havoc on your equilibrium. THE SOURCE OF EMOTION RADARS: What makes one person scan for loss while another scans for a violation of his or her rights? It is, of course, necessary that the therapist have the consent of the institution concerned before he makes such an arrangement with the child. When an adult arrives at the psychologist's office, he finds a physical arrangement which is suitable for him whether he is twenty or sixty years old. The playroom does not have this characteristic. A young adolescent may be quite humiliated at finding himself compelled to occupy a room where everything seems to be in miniature. Perhaps it would be better to allow those of approximately eleven years and over to choose between the playroom and an office, after inspection of each. In the absence of this possibility, the following kind of arrangement has been tried with reasonable success.

The play materials are at one end of a large adult-size table. At the other end, two adult-size chairs face each other across it. In this way, the child has the choice of an across-the-table relationship if he wishes it. Some children will utilize this set-up as an almost straight interview situation; Block off time Now let's begin to plan in your goals and what you need to do to work intentionally towards them. Revisit your goals. Review the space in your 168 hours per week and schedule in time for the activities you wish to explore. I highly recommend blocking off time in your calendar. In those blocks of time, work on one project at a time. Ever feel like you have run around all day and not got anything done? Worked all day on your laptop but never got that report finished. Are you jumping between tasks? Multitasking? No surprise, we inherit our thinking habits of emotion radars from our parents and the formative environment in which we were raised. For instance, if you grew up with a dad who was always looking for who was going to screw him over next, you might inherit that tendency to scan for a violation of your rights. If your parents were highly overprotective, you might absorb their belief that the world is a dangerous place and learn to scan for a future threat. Fortunately, we don't have to live at the mercy of our emotion radars. Once we become aware of them and learn the tools for unhooking from the emotions, we take back our control--and our serenity. Most people go through life believing that it's the situation we're in that determines what we feel.

But that's not really the case. If it were, then each and every one of us would react the same in any given situation, and of course, we don't. There's an important variable in there, and that is what we think about the situation in which we find ourselves. Take, for example, encountering a long line at the DMV. Whatever the decision, it has the advantage of being the child's own. RESEARCH IN PLAY THERAPY Thus far, the principles and methods of play therapy from a client-centered point of view have been roughly outlined. The reader in search of a more detailed and profusely illustrated report is referred to the article by Axline (14). It now seems appropriate to turn to a consideration of the existing research studies, in order to evaluate their accomplishments and to clarify what needs to be done. Thus far, relatively little research has been done in this area, largely because of the difficulty of collecting the required raw data. Phonographic recordings alone cannot give an adequate picture of the process of play therapy, for the sounds are often meaningless by themselves. It is necessary to have detailed descriptions of the activities in the course of which the recorded sounds were made. The therapist's own notes can never be complete, because some children require the therapist's active participation in play. For example, it is impossible to write notes while finger-painting. One of the more effective tools you can employ is to work on one project at a time. Don't go on to the next thing until you complete it. If you are writing a report, focus on that until it's complete. Don't check emails and get sidetracked. Not only will you have a sense of accomplishment, but you will also get far more done. When you are blocking off time for your goals, think about placing them on your Optimal Productivity Time.