I also stopped using an alarm and started getting up when I awoke, usually between 3:30 and 5:00 a. My wife, Erin, has the opposite chronotype and picks up speed as the day goes. So she goes to bed and wakes up later than I do. That's what works for her, and we just figure out times in the middle of the day to spend time together. I'm not saying you should be in bed at 9:00 p. Nor am I saying that sleep tracking can't work for you. If you're someone who's not going to become obsessed with your sleep score, then there's no harm in using a sleep tracker. But if you're competitive, like me, it's probably not for you, and you should do a little self-exploration to find out more about your optimal sleep-wake cycle. Which identities are visible to others, and which invisible? Which do you have a choice about visibility? What do you consider in making that choice? Which identities are you most comfortable sharing with others? Which identities are you most proud of? Which identities are you least comfortable sharing with others? Which identities are you ashamed of? Which identities did you struggle the most with growing up? Which identities do you face oppression for most often? Which identities do you receive advantages for most often? In self-help and therapeutic support groups they found validation for their experiences, they found the support to discover their voices and speak their truths, and they allowed themselves to believe in their worth. Able to let go of their shame and their pain, these women embraced their own strengths within a community of other women who had taken similar paths and most often had similar histories.

They would name their community Women of the Lodge. Community can mean many things, but for these women it meant a place of belonging and connection. They found other women with whom they could identify--other women who offered an empathetic acceptance of their emotional fragility. As with any community, there were a variety of people and problems, but there was a coming together at a time of crisis for support and in recovery for mutual celebration. As they individually and collectively moved through uncharted emotional and relational territory, they became each other's safety net. The phrase Women of the Lodge meant different things to the different personalities, but Lodge implied they had come together to be with each other in a place that offered safety through structure, where they would feel warmth as if it emanated from a fire. In this safe place, they became empowered to find their strengths. They found laughter, joy, hope, connection, and a direction to their lives that fostered their well-being. Then experiment with tweaking your day-to-day life to better fit your chronotype, while also trying to improve your evening routine so it's more conducive to winding down instead of ramping up. When our identity is wrapped up in how productive we are and how many items we check off our to-do list each day, we're becoming defined by doing and have forgotten how to just be. As our calendars fill up with all kinds of commitments--from meetings and classes to kids' activities to that article club we secretly loathe--we get embroiled in a heightened version of the rat race in which we wrongly associate doing more with feeling better. In the pursuit of continual achievement, we rush headlong from one activity to the next, trying to get each one done as quickly as possible so we can cram yet more into our already overcrowded schedules. Then we spend what little free time we have left complaining about how busy we are. What would it feel like if you just stopped? If you cleared your calendar and kept it empty for a week or two? If you did things that you wanted to do, rather than just those you felt obligated to do? It's probably hard to even conceive of such a thing. That's exactly why you should try it. Which of these identities have shifted over time? Which do you anticipate shifting in the future?

Reflect on the stories that support why you chose the numbers in the first column. Include the larger events and consider, too, the smaller microaggressions or advantages that pile up. Also consider the nagging feelings that aren't as easily provable. Share your stories with others. Ask their stories. Imagine the experiences of people in different identity groups. Reflect on the challenges in your life today that may have developed as a result of your negative experience. How can you move forward in situating the systemic roots of these challenges, and lightening up on the self-blame, shame, or other effects? Their journey to health and wellness began. You may not know where your community is. Your anger, pain, and shame may be so great that you don't even believe you want a community. But it is my belief that by picking up this article, you too are a brave soul who wants validation, support, direction, and hope. This is the beginning of community. You can embark on your journey to health and wellness. Meet the Women of the Lodge Five years into our marriage I discovered my husband had been regularly viewing pornography and engaged in sex chat rooms on the net. I didn't understand why he would do that because I always tried to please him in bed. I remember crying and telling him it wasn't right. And then engage fully, openly, and thankfully in the experiences you've chosen. You'll likely realize that you never want to go back to that old, chaotic, where-do-I-have-to-go-next excuse for an existence.

Leif Whittaker hikes along a wall of mani stones toward a Buddhist stupa in the highlands of Nepal near the village of Namche Bazaar. The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason to stay ashore. ROUTING OUR WAY BACK TO NATURE A study by the Environmental Protection Agency found the typical adult spends 93 percent of their time indoors (86 percent in buildings and another 7 percent in vehicles), while the average child is outside for less than thirty minutes a day. As a result, we're becoming nature-phobic, losing even a basic understanding of the world around us and creating biological and psychological problems that didn't exist before the Industrial Revolution. We're also creating convenient lies to explain our housebound existence, such as that being outside in winter causes colds, when in fact concentrations of pollutants are two to five times higher indoors and are often the real cause of our sniffles. Refamiliarizing ourselves with the outdoors is what we so desperately need. We're not going to learn anything meaningful about nature from articles or documentaries; Reflect on any positive aspects of who you are today that may have developed as a result of your negative experience. What can you do to find and strengthen your power and resilience? Consider identities that make you feel relatively advantaged. What are some concrete ways you could use your privilege (unearned advantage) responsibly? How are these questions valuable and applicable in clinical practice? Part 3: Reflection Exercises Choose a category for which you had a high negative number, if any. Think about an experience that illustrates why you chose this number. Yours may be a dramatic incident, or it may be smaller microaggressions that cumulatively led to this number. Journal about that experience. Why wasn't I enough? I really tried to shame him about it, and am sure I did, but he just got better at hiding his behavior.

I'd periodically find out that he was still viewing pornography by seeing an email or finding a hidden file on the computer. Each time I'd get holier than thou and scold him like I was a punitive mother. I'd call him a hypocrite in the eyes of the Lord, use the bad parent guilt trip, and then off we'd go to church as the perfect family. I ran our house with an iron fist and always had a smile on my face for the world to see. My children are beautiful and we always went everywhere as the perfect family. My husband had all the criteria for my family picture. He was fun, good-looking, attended church, and never confronted me. I also became a source of endless questions. This doesn't have to be radical or dramatic, or involve traveling to a hotspot like Yellowstone or Sunset Beach. Rather, just start seeing what's close to your home and exploring it. Maybe it's a bike path by a river, a local lake, or a nature center your kids would enjoy. Just spending a little time outdoors is all you need to change your indoor lifestyle for the better. The Draw of the Great Outdoors We may be living our lives indoors--from home to the office to the gym--but we were made for the outdoors, literally. Our bodies need sunlight to set our circadian rhythms and to generate vitamin D. Break Out of the Big Fitness Prison We've been convinced that the only way to get fit is to be trained within the confines of a gym, spin studio, group fitness class, and so on. But we conveniently forget that any kind of indoor workout is limited by the equipment, the environment, and the boundaries of physical walls, which in turn limits our development and caps our learning. Consider writing in a stream of consciousness: Don't worry about writing in complete sentences. Don't worry about spelling, grammar, or even making sense.