Is your faith full of support? Is it nourishing your life? Are strangers welcome? Does your leader believe that all parishioners are equal in importance? Do the teachings of your faith encourage love, joy, and laughter? They are designing the environment in which we make decisions about dating. And, by extension, they deeply influence the decisions we make. Traditional economics assumes people have consistent, static preferences. But behavioral scientists know that's a lie. The truth is, our environment matters. We're impacted by the setting in which we make our decision, whether that's a physical location or a digital landscape. What we choose is highly affected by how the options are displayed. We may think preferences are permanent, but they're actually rather pliable. Here's an example of how that plays out with our food choices. A few years ago, Google diagnosed its employees with an M&M problem. As we allow ourselves to feel every emotion that disguised grief is covering--pain, loss, separation, fear, loneliness--then we can start to make sense of the meaning that those Big T or Little t traumas had on us over time. As Dr Rosenberg explained, when you can allow yourself to grieve and move through it, then you can extract the impact and meaning those traumas have had on you. For example, a child who grew up in a chaotic home environment may have spent more time at school or studying as a way to escape and fend off the pain and chaos at home. All that time and focus on school helped them develop excellent academic skills and discipline, which in turn, granted them more opportunities to go further in life. The involvement in school would not have come about had it not been for their chaotic home life, and so they can extract a good, meaningful takeaway from a painful experience.

When we can find meaning from our traumas, then we can move into a forgiving space. Again, it's not about forgiving what happened; You can't change the past, and you had no control over it. But you did turn it into something positive that affected you, changed you, and shaped you and the course of your life. From here, we can start to let go of the past, because we've extracted the gold from it. This is how your children decide if your faith has value for them. This is how they decide if it's useful to their progress. You can't give spiritual achievement to your children; You can only demonstrate how spiritual faith has led you deeper within. Then they at least know that depth is possible through it. Ultimately, your children must honor their personal longings. If they see you demonstrating the moral and ethical behavior that you believe makes life run smoothly, they take more of an interest in your ethics. How could you be here on Earth, in a body, if you weren't self-governing? Who else could have put you here? Who else could have known what you needed to learn? To nudge them into making healthier food decisions, an internal team of behavioral scientists changed the environment in which the snacks were presented. They stopped offering M&M's in giant clear bins that enticed snackers with the multicolored chocolate treats. They moved the candies to clearly labeled but opaque containers, where they would be less tempting. Healthier snacks, like dried figs and pistachios, sat nearby in clear glass jars. These were bright tech workers who had known the healthy snacks were available the whole time.

But merely changing the environment in which food choices were presented resulted in employees eating 3. According to the Washington Post, which covered the experiment, that's a decrease of nine vending machine-size packages of M&M's for each of the office's 2,000 employees. In the Google office, nothing changed about the employees' preferences. But those opaque containers made all the difference. That environment had a huge impact on employees' choices. Now you can let the rest of the trauma remain behind you. One day while lying in bed, Jenny realized she had two options. She could continue thinking the scary thoughts that she'd never get better and this was going to be as good as it got, or she could try forgiving herself for these thoughts, her emotions, and the stories she had created about how her life would turn out. If I can forgive myself, then maybe I can start anew, she thought. This meant accepting where she was in the moment and giving herself permission to acknowledge her needs and set boundaries around her energy and time, so she could heal--in the mind and body. If she needed water, she got a glass of water and would focus on drinking it. If she needed to lie down, she crawled into bed and focused on how soft the blankets and pillow felt. She also stopped beating herself up for not hosting playdates and dinner parties. She stopped saying yes to all the volunteer requests. Saying no was tough, but for Jenny, when she said no to someone else, she was saying yes to herself. Who else could have known how you needed to learn it, with whom you needed to learn it, and when you needed to learn it? Maybe you think that a force called God put you here. Well, to the extent that the God within you put you here, that is true. But the power behind God is the oneness it represents. Every-thing and every-one is a part of that oneness.

In this oneness, there is no one God presuming to know the appropriate growth for another God; Some of the Gods in oneness are participating in your journey if that merger is beneficial to both of you, but other Gods don't make the decisions that pertain to your evolution. Independence is the nature of your existence. Isn't that how you live now? When you are restless you exercise. When it comes to modern dating, our decision-making environment is the dating app. We're affected by the way the app presents certain matches and the order in which those matches appear on our screens. That's why my clients tell me about swiping no on someone on one app and then swiping yes on that same person on a different app a few weeks later. These small contextual differences have a big impact on our decisions. To be clear, I am not anti-app. Apps have introduced millions of happy couples who may not have met otherwise. Dating apps have been especially meaningful for singles in so-called thin markets, including the LGBTQ+ community; And not all dating apps are the same. I'm a fan of those that focus on helping people get off the app and on real dates. Not only is Hinge singularly focused on getting their users off the apps and on real dates--as evidenced by their slogan Designed to be deleted--they also hired me to do exactly what I hope to accomplish with this article: help millions of people around the world learn how to date more effectively. And she started thanking her body and feeling grateful to it for keeping her safe by storing toxins in fat. Once Jenny began forgiving herself and setting boundaries every day, she was able to slowly heal her physical ailments by reducing inflammation in her body. It took time and included adopting an anti-inflammatory diet. She removed sugar and alcohol first, finding healthier yet still tasty substitutes like raw honey. In two weeks, she noticed a difference.

Then she removed cow's milk, refined oils, and GMOs. She upped her water intake too. Later, she connected with nature to help her feel grounded, and she used supplements and homeopathic remedies. Over time, meditation returned to Jenny's self-care practice. She used a guided form that helped direct her overactive mind. When you are hungry you eat. When you are tired you sleep. When you are curious, you go wherever your curiosity takes you. On a day-to-day basis, you hold whatever thoughts you desire. In fact, your autonomy is obvious. Why would it be any different in your out-of-body experience? Wherever you take your energy, you are meeting your needs. As your needs are met in this journey, you plan your next journey. In each one, you hope to go deeper into the love you represent. The only reason you don't behave like the autonomous energy you are is because you have forgotten the nature of your identity in the human game. But unfortunately, the way that certain dating apps present information can cause us to focus on the wrong things. It doesn't have to be that way. I'll teach you how to make the apps work for you so that you can take advantage of digital dating while avoiding possible pitfalls. WE'RE DATING WRONG I was in the middle of writing an email when Jonathan knocked at my door, fifteen minutes late for his first session.