For example, I have had students as well as clients who were afraid to try to succeed because they feared that they would fail, which was worse than actually trying and failing. They never excelled in anything because they never even tried to do so, despite their often strong potential for doing good work. I read somewhere that when we really and truly love someone, we also love their faults. That sounds good to me, but it also sounds like a bit of a stretch. It may be a huge stretch some days, and maybe even more so if the person you love has ADD. But we can work together on strategies. Surround yourself with positivity. Turn off the news. Visit good friends. Watch cat videos if they make you happy. Read an inspirational book. Revisit your why. Remember the reason why you really want to get healthy. Acknowledge your truth. It is essential for you to acknowledge and be truthful about where your health is now. Look at how far you have come, but look at the truth of where you are. Is your blood pressure still too high? Are you still filled with anxiety? Have you gotten back into a bad relationship? Are you relying on buying things to make you feel good?

Stop looking for excuses. Remember that you have the ability to re-engage your made-up-mind attitude by transforming your thoughts into a can-do, winning mindset. Consider the following questions and write your responses in your journal. Can you identify with any of the examples of achievement perfectionists I have discussed? If so, in what respect/s? Are you ever anxious about the possibility of failing, making a mistake, or otherwise not being perfect or near-perfect? If so, how often? Do you ever experience depression over having failed, made a mistake, or otherwise not been perfect or near-perfect? If so, how often? Five minutes a day reflecting on your feelings -- even if you're not feeling anything particularly earth-shattering (and it's better for this exercise if you aren't) -- will train your mind to stop automatically attributing your feelings to what is happening to you, and help you begin to understand the many factors that influence your emotions. The point of this exercise is not to change anything, but to become aware of the information that will make change possible. Resist temptation. When you resist one temptation, chances are you have a better chance to withstand the next temptation more easily. Avoid being around anything that may trigger any past addictions, such as any old behavior of overindulging in food, sugar, alcohol, and drugs. Ask yourself again what you are willing to do to succeed. Are you willing to commit more time? Are you up to reading more books? Do you need to seek professional guidance? When you genuinely want to succeed, you will do what it takes. If one partner has ADD, both partners need to address it.

It will help greatly if the non-ADD partner understands ADD, and if they don't become a critic or a nag. The responsibility for dealing with ADD is up to the person who has it, but hopefully with help from the other. All of this all applies to anyone we are involved with. One of the ways we ADDers can help our significant others to deal with us is to teach them the best way to help us. This will be clearer after the next section, describing how I don't do well with a boss. Does the possibility of failing keep you from trying to do new things? If so, how often? Are you presently experiencing any work-related or personal problems? If so, do you think they may have something to do with achievement perfectionism? If so, in what way/s? The frequency of the issues you have described should also give you an idea of how often achievement perfectionism may be undermining your peace and prosperity. We were created for relationships. Genesis 2:18 tells us, "It is not good for the man to be alone." Saint John Paul II's Theology of the Body tells us that humankind is meant to live in a "Civilization of Love," where it is understood that the only logical response to each person we meet is love. While that may be our destiny, it is far from our reality. People often treat us in very unloving ways. This can cause terrific anxiety when what "ought to be" runs headlong into the way things actually are in our families, our households, and our communities. That's why it's so tremendously important to take care of and prioritize our relationships. The idea that we should be able to handle our own problems and tough it out runs contrary to our biology. Psychologist Gordon Neufeld explains that we experience five types of connection in any relationship: physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and social. Of these, physical connection is the most intense form of connection, even though it has the shortest-lasting impact.

Physical connection has to do with any kind of physical affection one person experiences with another. Physical connection has the strongest immediate impact on our ability to feel connected (and therefore less anxious), both because of the release of oxytocin, a powerful calm-down hormone associated with bonding, and because bodies in close proximity tend to sync up with each other. Keep your commitments. If you have committed to eating according to your blood type, do it. If you have committed to exercising three times a day, do it. Look at your self-care commitments as the same kind of commitments you would make to your loved ones. Would you not show up for your child's soccer practice if he was counting on you? Would you not take your mother to a doctor's appointment? Would you forget your husband's birthday? Remember that greatness takes time. Mediate on patience. Measure the small successes. Get clearly in touch with how your body is feeling so you recognize improvement. You may have noticed that several of the people I've mentioned, Wilton, Bertie and Canute, either have had terribly bad luck in the numerous bosses they've had or else they might have had some difficulty getting along with a boss. I fit in that latter category. Most of us don't like to be told what to do. I don't know how much that's part of the ADD. We tend to have a demoralized negative picture of ourselves. When someone tells us what to do and how to do it, or critiques or criticizes our efforts, or makes helpful suggestions, or generally supervises us, it just taps into those ideas that we're incompetent and can't do anything right. Since I tend to mess up, I also tend to attract a lot of those suggestions and critiques and other helpful interventions.

I tend to not react well to them. Achievement perfectionists often use the things they have done wrong to prove to themselves that they really are unworthy; many are often also hard on others when they mess up (Muoio, 2015). Some achievement demanders experience self-doubt even when they perform well and others are impressed. These individuals often focus on their imperfections and believe that they have merely deceived others into thinking they are worthy. Some of them are decisive in the presence of others, even when they make mistakes, while others wear their self-doubts on their shirtsleeves. We were created for relationships. Genesis 2:18 tells us, "It is not good for the man to be alone." Saint John Paul II's Theology of the Body tells us that humankind is meant to live in a "Civilization of Love," where it is understood that the only logical response to each person we meet is love. While that may be our destiny, it is far from our reality. People often treat us in very unloving ways. This can cause terrific anxiety when what "ought to be" runs headlong into the way things actually are in our families, our households, and our communities. That's why it's so tremendously important to take care of and prioritize our relationships. The idea that we should be able to handle our own problems and tough it out runs contrary to our biology. Why do you think your self-care engine is running dry? When did you recognize it? Are you having a challenge with an old behavior or temptation? If so, how are you managing it? Do you need to speak with your trusted healthcare professional? If so, when do you plan to make the call? Do you feel self-conscious and keep ruminating about it? Do you try to hide your self-doubt?