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They gather information and input to get the best result. They make consultative decisions, integrating many sources of input and points of view. It tends to come naturally to them to define, clarify, support and integrate. They support the group's process and help to avoid mistakes. They may get stressed when they don't have enough time or are not given credit for their efforts, or if they are pressed to decide too quickly. It was six o'clock in the morning, and she had been on her way to get her medications--up early, she said, because I don't want to miss anything. Suddenly she was on the floor and couldn't get up. I was banging and banging and nobody heard me. I slid on my behind all the way to the door and I opened the door and I said, Please somebody help me. <a href=''>'</a> And they brought a wheelchair and put me in a wheelchair, and they sent me where you go to get help. <a href=''>I</a> went to rehab every day. <a href='[]=<a+href=></a>'>They</a> only gave me a week. <a href=''>Zoe</a> gave it to them. <a href=''>So</a> they gave me two more weeks. <a href=''>Helen's</a> new role in this mother-daughter relationship had its benefits, but it was not the one by which she had measured herself for so long. <a href=''>Feel</a> the fact that within these containment relationships, everything is really okay. <a href=''>Finally,</a> are there people in your life for whom you are a container? <a href=''>If</a> so, practice being as effective a container as possible, by actively promoting various forms of visceral and/or symbolic holding and soothing, as well as conscious alignment and attunement. <a href=''>Can</a> you feel your own satisfaction--in the moment--in this process of being a container? <a href=''>article</a> 3 <br /><br /><a href=''>The</a> Thrill of Reciprocity <a href=''>Piglet</a> sidled up to Pooh from behind. <a href=''>Pooh?</a> <a href=''>he</a> whispered. <a href=''>Yes,</a> Piglet? <a href=''>Instead</a> of losing thirty pounds, why not make the amount much smaller? <a href=''>When</a> I decided I was going to actively attempt to lose weight, my goal wasn't thirty pounds. <a href=''>It</a> was five. <a href=''>Then</a> I would hit that goal and make a new goal of five pounds. <a href=''>I</a> just kept doing this until I got to a weight that seemed reachable. <a href=''>Later,</a> I changed my goals from losing weight to something else: adding strength. <a href=''>How</a> strong could I get? <a href=''>Later,</a> my goal was to see how far could I run without stopping. <a href=''>Distance</a> training. <a href=''>Many</a> times I switched goals because I had wanted to quit. <a href=''>Building</a> rapport is the first step in creating a relationship with another person and often we do it unconsciously. <a href=''>It</a> is easier to build rapport with people who are similar to us, so when someone has a different style from yours, you can build rapport by flexing your style to adapt to theirs. <a href=''>Remember,</a> they want information and input so they can get the best result. <a href=''>During</a> the rapport-building stage, we unconsciously pick up cues from the other person and start to sense whether we like someone or not and how comfortable we are with them. <a href=''>The</a> table below shows how Synthesisers might come across to you and what the potential impact on your thoughts and feelings might be. <br /><br /><a href=''>Clearly,</a> the potentially negative impact on you of the synthesiser style will influence how you respond and can lead to a cycle of unproductive behaviour from both of you and an escalation of difficulties. <a href=''>We</a> tend to make inferences and fill in the gaps about other people's behaviour. <a href=''>If</a> these inferences are wrong, then we may respond in inappropriate ways and the situation can quickly escalate from misunderstanding into conflict. <a href=''>Remaining</a> open-minded and non-judgemental about the other person opens up the channels of communication. <a href=''>Responding</a> to the Synthesiser in a friendly and patient way will help you to get on their wavelength, and as the interaction progresses it gives you a chance to understand the positive intentions behind their behaviour. <a href=''>Wasn't</a> she still the mother? <a href=''>Now</a> she was answering to Zoe, as her children had once answered to her. <a href=''>She</a> takes charge of me, Helen said. <a href=''>She</a> calls up,Did you do exercises today? ' Sometimes I lie. I don't like lying but I have to sometimes. She never got the chance to do that before I came here. When she comes she says, Gee, Mom, you got a fat stomach. <a href=''>'</a> She doesn't spare the rod. <a href=''>When</a> I pointed out that Zoe said these things out of love, Helen was not assuaged. <a href=''>Nothing,</a> said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. <a href=''>I</a> just wanted to be sure of you. <a href=''>A</a> . <a href=''>A</a> . <a href=''>MILNE,</a> THE HOUSE AT POOH CORNER <br /><br /><a href=''>*</a> * * <a href=''>Seth</a> had been pissy all morning. <a href=''>He'd</a> been up into the wee hours the night before--or so he claimed--and wasn't into putting up with any bullshit today. <a href=''>I</a> rolled my eyes. <a href=''>We</a> were in the middle of an argument we seemed to have frequently that summer. <a href=''>Or</a> in many cases, I had quit and felt like a failure. <a href=''>So</a> instead of making it a failure, I instead came up with a new goal, telling myself that I just course-corrected. <a href=''>Change</a> how much you're investing into the goal <a href=''>You</a> can do this either with the effort or the resources you're using. <a href=''>Over</a> the past few years, I have often spent too much time focused on health and exercise. <a href=''>Now,</a> was some of it so I could write this piece of writing? <a href=''>Yes,</a> it was. <a href=''>But</a> at other times it was because when I wasn't hitting my goal with all my hard work, I would get mad. <a href=''>Instead,</a> I lowered the amount of energy I was investing and thus told myself that meant I should be totally fine with a slower pace of progress. <a href=''>And</a> then my brain adapted, and it was fine. <a href=''>Synthesisers</a> tend to experience stress when they are not given time to decide or not given credit for their contribution (when Mobilisers charge ahead, Energisers talk too much and Navigators press for a course of action). <a href=''>So,</a> if you have one of the other styles, be aware of how your behaviour might impact your synthesiser colleague. <a href=''>So</a> when they are stressed, be friendly but not too expressive, patiently provide information and encouragement and give them time to reflect and integrate. <a href=''>Katie</a> (Synthesiser) and her partner Billy (Navigator) were moving abroad with Billy's work. <a href=''>He</a> had gone ahead, while Katie was due to move with the children at the end of the school term. <br /><br /><a href=''>Katie</a> wanted to keep her job for as long as possible and had not decided when to hand in her notice. <a href=''>She</a> felt pressurised by Billy, who every time they spoke asked when she was going to stop work. <a href=''>He</a> wanted to know what her plan was, while she wanted to put off the decision until she had considered all the options and the time felt right. <a href=''>This</a> difference between them was resolved by Katie telling Billy the latest date she would leave, while she kept her options open by knowing she could bring it forward if she wanted to. <a href=''>Synthesisers</a> may experience the mobiliser and energiser styles, with their tendency to speak first then think, as overbearing or intrusive. <a href=''>I</a> always say,Don't love me so much,' she said. I'm</a> not going to be here forever. <a href=''>'</a> She says,Where are you going? ' It was a long train ride to see Helen, and I often thought about my own marriage on the ride back. Much of our energy in the marriage had been focused on raising our son, and once he was grown, we had nothing to replace it. We needed a new way to be together--new roles and new supports--but we were too worn down or too ossified to find them. I was at the kitchen sink when my wife casually suggested we get divorced. I don't think I even interrupted my dishwashing. We were a car that had run out of gas, banged up by so many miles on the road. He insisted that he was the only one who could paint the peak of the latticework over the third story. Oh, for God's sake. This was so totally like him, I thought. I was perfectly capable of painting it myself, but, as usual, I backed off. The argument was not worth the energy.