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As I listened it was like he was brainwashing me. Then he told me he had had sex with a coworker and how it was okay because she really wanted to do it for him; He continued to drone on like a hypnotist, continuing to try to convince me that it was okay, that I should just accept it and know that it was just sex; I remember taking our wedding picture down off the wall and falling to my knees and crying uncontrollably, grieving the loss of the perfect marriage that I had envisioned; I was still a child with a childlike mentality, and he, being fourteen years older, had always been a father figure to me. I trusted him to be faithful and trustworthy. My fantasy was shattered. In my childlike state, I had no ability to even conceive of leaving the marriage or telling him never to do this to me again; Recalibrating Your Zoom Lens Our eyes' ideal focal point is twenty feet in front of us, yet we sit for hours a day with screens a few inches from our faces. Because we spend little to no time outdoors in random, chaotic environments that require us to constantly toggle between what's in the foreground, in the distance, and every point in between, our mid- and long-range vision is starting to deteriorate. We're also unlearning how to use our peripheral vision because instead of noticing a deer leaping over a log or a waterfall cascading down a cliff face, our attention is fixed on what's right in front of us. When she started working with England's rugby team, vision expert Sherylle Calder told The Telegraph that technology was hurting players' skills by negatively impacting their vision: In the modern world, the ability of players to have good awareness is deteriorating by the nature of mobile phones. We have seen in the last five or six years, when we assess elite players in different sports, that there is a decline in skill levels. When you look at your phone, you are losing awareness, because you're in here [the screen] all the time. There are no eye movements. Everything is pretty static. To be fully transparent, I'm writing this article because I think it'd be great to become a ghostwriter. I enjoy the thought of helping people put their writing ideas onto paper and helping them communicate their wisdom and insights in a captivating manner.

It's a challenging task I actually enjoy. Writing is not a laborious activity for me, and many people find writing an extraordinarily painful experience. Writing articles for people is a goal I have in mind for my life, so I need to obviously write my first article! But, see, why am I able to write this article in one year, with a full-time job and other obligations, while so many others fail to even get a first draft done of their article? It's not like I'm some special guy here. I don't have a motivational story to tell you and I wasn't born with a magical amount of willpower. I wasn't pressured to write a article like this. More often than not, people ask about what qualifies me to write a article about apathy at the age of 25. I didn't have the emotional resources to be able to do that. So my only psychological option was to believe him. To accept his reality, not mine. It was okay, he loved me; I had to believe a bunch of lies and make them my own in order to survive the situation that I found myself in. It was the only way I could psychologically survive. I told myself that he wouldn't do this again, especially because he saw how much it hurt me, and I knew he didn't want to hurt me because he said he loved me. So I rationalized that my brokenness and pain would stop him from ever being unfaithful to me again. He just kept minimizing it and telling me that I was overreacting, that I didn't realize that this is what all men do and that I shouldn't be so upset by this. It really was no big deal, it was just sex! We are losing the ability to communicate well. We develop skills by climbing trees, walking on walls and falling off and learning all those visual motor skills, which people aren't doing any more.

Young kids spend a lot of time on mobile phones, so those instinctive natural skills are disappearing. If you don't see something, you can't make a decision. The cure for this is a simple one. When you've been staring at a screen for twenty minutes, find an object in the middle distance and focus your attention on it for at least twenty seconds. Then focus on something that's even farther away (yes, if you work in an office with no windows, you'll need to find one or go outside). To further improve your vision, make an effort to get out in nature at least once a day, even if that's just a city park. And while you're in this setting, make a conscious effort to avoid checking your phone or wearables and notice details about what's going on around you--a squirrel scurrying up a tree, a bird taking flight, grass rustling in the wind. Can You Hear Me Now? But, as I mentioned in the Introduction, I did one thing that's very significant. I changed from being an apathetic person to a caring, non-apathetic person. This is the key topic of this entire article. Most people are collectively, pathetically apathetic about their lives and about the world's problems. Even if we wanted to do something about it, our situation doesn't actually change and we keep living our same old, unsatisfactory lives. That's the reason why I say pathetically apathetic. Any attempt we make to improve ourselves looks pathetic. This is profound and the issue deserves to be thoroughly dissected. How We're Collectively Apathetic It's become so habitual for people to start new things, get caught up in the flashy new idea, promote a big launch for some thought-provoking initiative, and then a week, a month, a few months or a couple years later, get really bored with it and stop. I guess the insinuation was that sex had nothing to do with love and that he loved me. As a very young woman, I found it mind-twisting.

For twenty more years, Jenny went in and out of acknowledging that her husband's addictive behavior was abusive. She was a master of her own deception. She frequently felt she had to engage in his sexual fantasies, even telling herself it was okay. Her life was on autopilot. She continued to relate to her husband as if she was the child, although she tapped into adult strengths in her parenting skills. She saw no way out of the situation, and that path did not show itself for a number of years. In many ways, Jenny was like a hostage bonded to a captor--the Stockholm syndrome. The dynamics that lead to such extreme bonding are 1) the presence of a perceived threat to one's physical or psychological survival and the belief the abuser would carry out out the threat; When I was developing the Power Speed Endurance program, I trained hard for the grueling Western States Endurance Run--one hundred miles through the desert--and usually relied on music to help get me through. Since the race is so tough, I figured I should put in my headphones and get some music pumping around fifteen miles into the race itself. But for the next two hours, what I thought would help me actually became a massive hindrance. Because I had my tunes wired in, I tuned out what I was doing with my body, so mechanical errors started to creep in. I also started to make mistakes in how I dealt with the trail itself, which, when you're miles from anywhere, can quickly become a big problem. So when I got to the next aid station, I threw my iPod and headphones to one of my crew members, got back to focusing on myself and my surroundings, and finished the race. From that point on, I never again used music to help me get through a race or training session. One of my friends, Josh Everett, once said that if you need music to motivate you to do something, you should find something else to do, and he's right. That being said, I haven't thrown my headphones in the trash. If I'm running, cycling, surfing, or doing something else outside, I'll just listen to the sounds of nature. It could be with a new smartphone or a new car or a new podcast or a new article or a new college course or a new apartment or a new job or a new roommate or even a new spouse! I mean, come on, the records show from the National Survey of Family Growth that almost 50% of all marriages in the United States still end in divorce.

Everybody loves the new thing and hates the old normal thing they've been doing. Even if that old thing still did a great job, they want to switch to the newest thing. It's so common for people to get apathetic about their current circumstances. They either keep changing things or just settle for something lackluster. Why should we switch to a new job or a new house or throw away the perfectly good phone? Is it really because we're just bored? Is it really because it's not working anymore? Or do most people really have a deep, psychological problem that keeps them from ever living a truly fulfilling, happy life? While the majority of women involved with men who act out sexually are not experiencing Stockholm Syndrome, many will identify with an attachment and loyalty that is symptomatic of such bonding and defies their own well-being. Jenny continues to share her journey: My husband was acting out on all his addictions. Early on I began to live a life of cover-up and compensation. And I became busier and busier and more and more distant from him. I was seriously trauma bonded with my husband. There was a complete loss of self into the other. I had no idea of the trauma that I allowed myself to be subjected to by accepting my husband's infidelity and his excuses; I rationalized that the pornography was nothing because there was just so much sexuality spewing all over our relationship; I accepted his emotional and verbal abuse of me and the children; But if I'm stuck indoors, I've found the brain. It generates ambient noise tailored to work, meditation, and various other activities.