Which path you choose depends on the usefulness of the iceberg. EMBRACE THE ICEBERG (WHILE SHAVING OFF THE TROUBLE SPOTS) Some icebergs reflect what we like about ourselves and want to keep, like I should always be there for the people I love. Those core values are worth keeping. It is more common for a group to rely upon the contributions of only a part of its membership while the rest of the group dissipates its energies in reacting against the control and authority of the more active members. It is here that group behavior can be deceiving. Often all members of a group are active, but upon closer examination it is usually found to be what McGregor (123) has called reactive behavior. As Allport has pointed out, a person ceases to be reactive and contrary in respect to a desirable course of conduct only when he himself has had a hand in declaring that course of conduct to be desirable. How do groups reach such a state? How do groups approach the maximum utilization of their potential? What kind of process is necessary for groups to move in this direction? These are the crucial questions, yet we have no definitive answers for any of them. Our own experience would lead us to believe that certain conditions facilitate this process. There may be others of which we are not aware. It also allows you to have healthy digestion, preventing the instinctive triggering of the digestive tract that could result from unchecked anxiety. A less developed and less connected prefrontal cortex, on the other hand, a hallmark of a high allostatic load, means that you get stuck in survival mode and your instinctual brain rules. Your ability to regulate your emotions is reduced, and you are quickly triggered and reactive, unable to make thoughtful decisions. You are also more vulnerable to being triggered by the environment, such as a food advertisement driving you to eat even if you're not hungry. Normal social anxiety can lead to drinking too much or other reactive behaviors, such as overexercising, gambling in a destructive way, compulsion, hoarding, anxiety, rage, violence, and overachieving in work or with other goals at great cost to relationships and well-being. You are also more prone to a range of diseases, from depression to diabetes to irritable bowel syndrome.

The prefrontal cortex is the last part of the brain to fully develop and isn't completely developed until about age twenty-five. That's one reason why kids may lack good judgment and need mature adults to guide them. Of all our brain structures, the frontal cortex is least constrained by genes and most shaped by the environment. Studies on socioeconomic status show that by kindergarten, disadvantaged kids already display differences in their prefrontal cortex that result in difficulties in emotional regulation. They can motivate and drive us to excel. But knowing that all icebergs have a downside, we need to recognize when their sharp edges are causing conflict. For instance, if your aging parents live three thousand miles away, you can't always be there for them. So you have to make room for reality. The trick is to preserve the value belief but shave off the jagged trouble spots. Let's take a look at this in action. People should always be on time is a great iceberg for punctuality, but what happens when you're running late due to unforeseen circumstances? A jack-knifed semi on the highway is outside your control, no matter how early you left to get to that dinner date. When big frustration comes up here, it's a signal that your iceberg is floating nearby. It's also the moment to evaluate your iceberg, and if you determine it's one that you want to keep but it is not serving you in this particular situation, find a way to not get poked by it. Before describing some of the conditions that we feel are required for the releasing of this group process, it would seem necessary to examine our concept of leadership as it relates to our framework for looking at groups. A CONCEPT OF GROUP LEADERSHIP Accompanying the gradual evolution of this theoretical framework for thinking about groups and organizations, there has emerged in the writer's thinking a particular concept about group leadership. Changes in thinking both about groups and about the leadership function in groups have gone on simultaneously, one serving as a check against the other, and each contributing something to the other. Both are still undergoing constant revision. This close relationship between a theory of group functioning and a concept of group leadership is probably as it should be.

A conceptual framework for thinking about groups must include a theory of the leadership function. What is group leadership? What is meant by the leadership function? What sort of concept of group leadership will be consistent with the particular way in which groups have been perceived in the preceding articles? This partly explains why some kids have trouble controlling their impulses (acting out). While challenges around emotional regulation are part of being human, your degree of reactivity tells a lot about the functioning of your prefrontal cortex. For instance: Our brain's primitive stress response is intended to help us survive stress in our environment. Stress is a biological response to threat that triggers your sensory organs to send a message to the brain structure known as the amygdala. The amygdala, often called the fear center, interprets the sensory information and considers stored memories (like what happened the last time we were in a similar situation), judging whether the situation is stressful. If the situation is determined to be stressful, the amygdala quickly alerts the hypothalamus, which activates the sympathetic nervous system by communicating through your nerves to the adrenal glands. The adrenal glands then release the hormone epinephrine (also known as adrenaline) into the bloodstream. Epinephrine has several effects: Your heart will beat faster, increasing blood flow to your muscles and other vital organs, including your heart. This will raise your pulse rate and blood pressure. The key is to figure out how to compromise without feeling like you're violating a core value. In this particular situation, you're coming up against a control iceberg, and in any life, there are limits to what you can and can't control. Sometimes you have to cut yourself some slack and get flexible with your rule. There is literally nothing you can do about the broken-down truck causing the backup, but it's up to you whether you are going to allow the situation to hijack your emotions. Remember, you can't control certain events, but you can change how you respond to them. Here is where a mantra can come in handy, something you tell yourself when you bump up against your iceberg.

With it, you can calmly solve the problem and do the damage control that's needed. For instance, let's go back to the jack-knifed semi. There you are, at a dead stop, and there's not a thing you can do about it. You can continue to fume, but that doesn't get you into effective problem-solving mode. The Leadership Function Leadership is most commonly perceived as a function, or group of functions, carried out by some individual member of a group. This particular person is sometimes thought of as the group member who has been given or has acquired the responsibility for the group. Thus, the industrial supervisor is responsible for those workers who are designated as members of his work-group or his section. Implicit is the idea that the leader is responsible to someone above him, usually his leader or supervisor. Frequently, the leader is thought of as the person in a group who has been given or has acquired the authority over other members of the group. By virtue of the authority vested in him the leader has the power to make certain decisions affecting some aspects of the lives of members in his group. Responsibility for a group and authority over a group frequently are combined inseparably in the idea of leadership. Nevertheless, it is not uncommon to stress one or the other. Thus, the military leader has certain authority over his men. You will breathe more rapidly. Airways in your lungs will open more widely so you can take in more oxygen. You become more alert as your brain receives extra oxygen. Your sight and hearing, as well as your other senses, become sharper. Epinephrine also causes sugar and fat to be released from storage sites into your bloodstream, making energy readily available throughout your body. After the initial surge of epinephrine slows, and if your brain perceives that the threat is still present, your hypothalamus secretes corticotropin-releasing hormone (CRH), which triggers the pituitary gland to release adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH).

ACTH then travels to the adrenal glands, prompting the release of the hormone cortisol. Cortisol keeps your body revved up and on high alert, releasing a flood of glucose (sugar) to keep you energized while tamping down insulin production to ensure that the glucose doesn't go into storage. It also narrows the arteries, while the epinephrine increases heart rate. The combined effect forces blood to pump harder and faster. Or, you could take this approach: I'm going to be late for that date, and there's nothing I can do about it. I know this is exactly when I bump up against my iceberg about promptness. So, I have a choice: I either slam into the iceberg and get all frustrated and flustered, or I can do something to mitigate the situation. Okay, first thing is to leave voice mails and e-mails on all his devices to head him off. I've done damage control with him, now let me do it with myself. What is most upsetting about this for me? That he'll think I'm not the kind of person who's on time. Well, that's ridiculous. You can set your watch by my arrival on ninety-nine out of one hundred occasions. A person also may be perceived as a leader because of certain distinctive skills or abilities which he possesses or because he has more of one particular skill or ability than others in a group. The teacher, the business executive, the team captain may owe their positions as leaders to this kind of differentiation from the group members. In our particular culture we prefer to think that leadership is usually based upon this differential. It is in this connection that leadership has most often been thought of as a role that is gained through the acquisition of certain stereotyped leader qualities or skills. One must be a good speaker, have a forceful personality, know people, be educated, keep ahead of the others, and possess any number of highly desirable character and personality traits. These are common ways of looking at leadership.