Using these principles and techniques, the power and effect of deconstructive interference from, for example, ancestral, early life or cultural programming can be greatly diminished. Skinner, wanted to avenge the death of behaviorism after Noam Chomsky's review largely destroyed it a decade prior. Skinner, who was at war with Chomsky, gave the Nim Chomsky project his full blessing, hoping Terrace would show once and for all that language is not unique to humans. Terrace believed if Nim were treated like a human, language would come more naturally for him. So, Nim often accompanied his surrogate family to the grocery store, he helped prepare dinner, ate with the family, and then washed the dishes. He even went on walks with one of the researchers and smoked pot. As chimps get older, they become more aggressive, and Nim was no exception. After Nim had been kicked out of his posh Upper West Side home (because of marital issues caused by Nim's presence), he was adopted by another surrogate mother who Nim attacked several times. One instance involved him biting her on the face so hard that she required 37 stitches. There became a point at which Nim was either attacking or trying to attack someone every day, causing Terrace to terminate the ten-year project after just four years. Despite having to end the study several years early, Terrace initially described the language learning experiment as a success. Expressing empathy takes time. The workplace can't always accommodate this need to slow down. The demands on one's time at work can be overwhelming. A manager often operates in a hectic matrix of cross-functional communication and shared responsibilities. Some interactions between managers and their direct reports need to be brief, concise, and time-limited. However, just as managers should not rush into important decisions that require substantial information, they also have to be sensitive to the need to create opportunities for interactions with others that can proceed at their own pace. Unrealistic time restrictions can subvert an exchange when one wants to express empathy. Clearly, when a person is sending strong signals to a manager of his or her frustration, anxiety, or anger, the interaction that takes place to resolve problems cannot be rushed. It is not always the manager's busy schedule that forces a need to slow down and to create the kind of substantive, uninterrupted exchange that allows one to exercise empathy.

At times, it is the manager's direct report who needs to be told to take a more deliberate approach to a problem. You hate her/him and you can see no possible way for that ever to change. You have felt this way for more than ten minutes, ten days, even ten weeks. You've got to have felt this way for a long enough time that you know it isn't going to change. In that case, get divorced. It is bad to live in a force field of hatred. Your spouse is repeatedly abusive to you. Don't stay. Get a therapist who understands abuse because it is unlikely you can do this on your own. You have lost all respect for your spouse. You have tried all that you can to get it back, but you know it is gone forever. This is because, with practice and application, our values and our true nature become the most coherent vibration in our energy field. Once this happens, our true nature becomes the frequency by which the lower vibrating and less coherent wave forms are re-patterned. The less coherent wave-forms literally learn how to dance in time with the frequency that our energy eld vibrates at when we are connected to our true nature and therefore to pure source energy. Please note: If you are new to energy healing, begin experimenting with these processes very gently. If you experience any emotional or physical discomfort doing these exercises, you should return to your focus on your breathing until you are calm. You should then seek help from a qualified energy healer or someone trained in trauma resolution. First either lie down or sit somewhere warm and comfortable where you will not be disturbed. Begin to focus on your breathing.

Try to settle into an easy, regular breathing pattern that feels comfortable and sustainable for you. Soon after the project ended, however, the truth of what Nim had in fact learned came out. Chomsky summarized the findings to me in an email: When the experiment was over, a grad student working on a thesis did a frame-by-frame analysis of the training and found that the ape was no dope. If he wanted a banana, he'd produce a sequence of irrelevant signs and throw in the sign for banana randomly, figuring that he'd brainwashed the experimenters sufficiently so that they'd think he was saying give me a banana. And he was able to pick out subtle motions by which the experimenters indicated what they'd hope he'd do. As Terrace himself later confirmed, Nim fooled me. While reviewing video footage of Nim signing with one of his trainers, Terrace noticed that less than a second prior to Nim's signing, his teachers were making the same or similar signs. Terrace had previously missed this since he had only been focusing on what Nim was signing and hadn't noticed the inadvertent cueing from the trainers. It became clear that Nim was simply mimicking his teachers in hopes of being rewarded with food, drink, or tickling. It also became evident to Terrace that, unlike with human children, Nim's signing had mostly not been spontaneous; Some more difficult employees may seek to reinforce a stressful, chaotic environment with unreasonable time demands, because it is a work culture that fosters disagreements and resentments. A manager may need to pull the plug on the charged-up, hectic work environment from time to time and insist on a slower-paced discussion that allows the manager to understand and respond empathically to the work dilemmas at hand. Pay Attention to Your Body The body is an excellent barometer of one's feeling state. When practicing empathy, step back mentally from time to time and consider your own body's messages. Empathy is facilitated by emotional self-awareness. You need to consider: Are you tense (tight muscles, stiff)? Agitated (excited, racing pulse, flushed)? Bored or increasingly distant (not concentrating, sleepy, yawning, eyes wandering)?

The body can provide you with signals that allow you to refocus or acknowledge an affective reaction to the content of the discussion. You feel utterly indifferent to your spouse. You never think about him/her. You are mere roommates. Not only is there no passion, there is no communication, no shared interest, no desire to try to make things better. Your spouse is so abusing drugs or alcohol that he/she is dangerous. He/she rejects all efforts to help. In complete denial, he/she spends days on end in a stupor. Your spouse severely mistreats your children regularly. If repeated efforts to change this behavior fail, then it is time to take your children and leave. Your spouse changes in such a way that he/she becomes mean daily. The example I begin with is a 3-3-3 breathing pattern. I take one breath in through the nose over the count of three. I then hold that breath in my heart-field for three counts. And, to complete the cycle, I breathe out through my mouth over a count of three. Step three: Once you have relaxed into a nice easy breathing pattern, begin to say an affirmation based on the following example, using one of your own values: I am well and strong. Say the affirmation, and then begin your relaxed breathing pattern, breathing in, then holding the affirmation in your heart field for three counts. On the out breath, really relax and let go.

Make the out-breath as free from expectations about any particular outcome as possible. This point is crucial because spontaneous signing (or speaking) is a hallmark of language use. As a result, Terrace conceded his study was a total failure, and that chimps cannot be taught language after all. Terrace also discovered that, unlike a developing child, Nim was unable to put words together into meaningful sentences. When Nim was at the stage where he should have been able to build long sentences, he would instead keep adding on words that didn't add any meaning, which served to fool the trainers. For example, he would sign, Give orange me give eat orange me eat orange give me eat orange give me you. As intelligent as Nim was - one researcher called him the smartest animal in the world - he also wasn't very competent at other human-specific activities (nor should he have been), including washing dishes. Handed a clean plate, he would try to wash it (and he'd usually break a few). Several laboratory studies have confirmed that while chimps are mimickers (monkey see, monkey do), they're not very good at it, at least compared to humans. One particularly striking fact is that Terrace, who had first tried teaching Nim language using positive reinforcement, eventually abandoned that approach after Nim's vocabulary promptly fell. Positive Reinforcement's Continued Popularity When appropriate, you may wish to note your body signals to the other person. Sharing one's physical response to what is occurring can facilitate the inclusion of emotional context into the interaction, which often has the effect of creating greater human connectedness and improved mutual understanding. Do not share a sexual response from your body. It is never appropriate to do this. Learn From the Past We all bring our own experiences to interpersonal interactions. We are all observers of human behavior in many ways. Some of these experiences and observations can help us understand what another person is telling us and what may have been left unsaid. The power of empathy can be especially strong when we base an empathic response on a previous experience--especially a response that makes note of what has been left unsaid--and it hits the mark in the person with whom we are communicating.