As you think back over all of the remarkable stories of resilience in this article, and as you think about the resilience you have experienced in your own life, or witnessed in the lives of those closest to you, perhaps you might think of resilience just slightly differently. Resilience is partly related to an individual's psychological traits and the environment in which they are raised. But it is also an ordinary adaptation to challenge, built in to every one of us and designed to activate when given the right resources and support to make those adaptations. Despite this, so many people are suffering under burdens that may be too big for them to be able to easily and quickly bounce back from. What can each of us do to curb that experience in ourselves and others? The secrets and strategies detailed in this article can help. But ultimately it's all about relationships. The next time you find yourself in a conflict, don't just say whatever comes to mind. First, take a deep breath and ask yourself two simple questions before you think or act: What am I doing and why? Sounds stupid, right? But it works. It doesn't even matter what the answer to that question is. By asking yourself what you're doing, you're getting out of your own mind and plugging into your outside environment--you're creating roundness. The question creates an immediate stabilizing force in your brain, as if a rocking boat were suddenly to become still. Are you about to chastise a colleague for bad work? Ask yourself, What am I doing and why? This does not mean you can't chastise your incompetent colleague--go right ahead; When someone in your daily life asks you to perform a function that is distasteful to your spirit, or you find yourself fox trotting with someone who is doing a samba, the greatest service you can offer is to acknowledge that you are doing different dances. Then both of you are free to join with other partners who will be aligned with the steps you enjoy taking. There is nothing wrong with doing different dances;

To acknowledge that two dances are not compatible does not imply judgment or rejection. Two people can maintain tremendous love and mutual appreciation as they agree that their steps do not match at the moment. It is a statement of honor and respect to acknowledge that both of your dances are worthwhile, and you deserve partners who match your energies. Perhaps you will come together at another time in another way, to enjoy another kind of dance that is more rewarding than crunching each other's toes. This principle applies not simply to romantic or marital relationships; One foundation principle composes the dance floor: you must trust that your inclinations and intuition are good and valid. You must know that you are worth being happy, and so is everyone else. Relationships lie at the heart of resilience. Relationships with self, family, friends and the broader community (via school, work, sport, church and so on) - ultimately it is this love that builds resilience as well as the skills and capacity to be resilient. Having those crucially important people who act as support and scaffolding when times are both good and bad is the central, critical factor in raising a resilient child.As I talked with parents at autism conferences, it became obvious that many symptoms of ADHD overlapped with autism. When I discussed family history, I discovered that in many families there was a history of learning problems, ADHD, depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. There was no question in my mind that many of these diagnostic categories have an overlap of symptoms. Diane Kennedy makes a good point that ADHD and mild autism/Asperger's may differ mainly by the degree of severity. ADHD, dyslexia, and autism share similar problems with sensory oversensitivity. The ADHD and dyslexia cases are usually milder than the cases labeled autistic, but the sensory problems are similar. Sensitivity to sound is one of the most common problems. When I was a child, the ringing school bell hurt my ears like a dentist's drill hitting a nerve. But that interaction is much more likely to go in your favor if you ask yourself that question first. Even if you don't tone down your behavior or your words, you are going to handle that situation with much more control. If you don't, you're behaving from a place of instability and confusion.

Try drawing a circle while sitting on a rocking boat--you can't. You'll just end up creating jagged edges. Nunchi blocker 5: Individualism is valued over collectivism In Korea, if a child is impatient--for example, if they are waiting in a long line at the buffet table and complain, We've been waiting forever! I'm hungry! I have grapes in my purse and they're already sliced in halves. And you must hold the high vision that even if things do not seem to be merging at the moment, there is a grander plan that will find everything in its right place for the right purpose and highest results. Ideally, if everyone followed their spirit without hesitation, agreements, commitments, and future plans would be unnecessary. In such a world each person would be so attuned to the will of God that everyone would always be in their right place at the right time, everything would be taken care of, and everyone would be happy. While we may live in a world that does not currently reflect the manifestation of such intrinsic self-trust, we can begin to create it by taking steps to live our outer life in accord with our inner vision. Write for You I attended a writers conference headlined by an impressive array of literary luminaries. Some of the world's most prominent authors, publishers, screenwriters, agents, and publicists delivered outstanding addresses on what it takes to be a successful writer in today's market I was astounded that every distinguished lecturer, without exception, bore the same message: follow your passion; When an audience member asked the editor-in-chief of one of the world's largest publishing houses, What kind of material are you looking for? Write what turns you on, what is meaningful to you, and that will be your best ticket to success. Everything happening on the planet now is calling us to take our power back from outer authorities and return it to the God within, where it belongs. I have difficulty screening out background noise. My ears pick up everything, and if there is too much background noise, I cannot hear what's happening in the foreground. Constant noise is very tiring for people with sensory oversensitivity.

A sound that would be small to a normal person may sound like a blast to a person with autism. I know many people who cannot tolerate the sound of rain falling on a tin roof. Sound sensitivity will often show up in the family history of people with autism. My grandmother hated fireworks and loud noises. When she was little, the sound of coal sliding down the coal chute was painful to her. An office or school environment that would not bother a normal person bombards the ADHD, autistic, or Asperger's person with sounds equivalent to a boiler factory. This very quickly causes fatigue and makes concentration impossible. They will say, Are you the only person in the world? In other words, Yeah, kid, everyone in this line is hungry, which you'd realize if you had any nunchi. Or to put it another way: It's not all about you! It's a hugely important part of a Korean upbringing, and a crucial concept in nunchi. Koreans teach this concept to their children in all sorts of ways. For example, Korean schools don't usually have cleaners. The students form groups and take turns cleaning the classroom each day after school. It's meant to provide several life lessons. For one, the tidier you are, the less time it takes to clean up. For another, it instills an awareness of the class as a single hive: what's good for one is good for all. No one knows better than yourself, what you need to do in any situation. Others can counsel, advise, and inspire, but ultimately you must act on the guidance that resonates in your soul. You are the one who is going to have to live with your decision, and therefore you are the only one who can make it.

But you will not be alone. There dwells within you a guide to support and comfort you. Go within for your answer, for there it awaits. A Win-Win Universe The universe is set up to serve everyone simultaneously; If you are attuned to the will of love, you will find that your blessings are joined with those of others. You cannot be happy at the expense of another, and another's happiness can never take away from your own. I know one college student who is driven to distraction because she can see the sixty-cycle flicker of the fluorescent lights and can hear the electric wiring humming in the walls. Tactile oversensitivity is another problem that is shared by people with autism and ADHD. Scratchy petticoats rubbed my nerve endings raw. It was like having coarse sandpaper in my underwear. As a child I could not understand why the other children and adults tolerated the scratchy wool that I could not stand. Another trait that many people with autism share with an ADHD person is visual thinking. I think in pictures rather than in words. When I think about a new topic, pictures pop into my imagination like a series of color slides. For example, if I think about Volkswagen Beetles, I see five or six images of specific cars in rapid succession. I see the Beetle that a high school teacher owned, and I see an orange Beetle I saw in Mexico City. In 2017, there was a viral video of a car accident that had taken place in South Korea, in a long tunnel. Within one minute, all the cars in the tunnel created a path of life so the ambulance could enter the tunnel as soon as it arrived. Each driver rapidly pulled their car over to their far right and parked it up against the tunnel walls to clear space in the middle of the road.