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You don't need to proffer solutions or tell someone about how you went through a similar trial in your life. You just need to listen and be there for them as a friend or loved one. Trust forms the foundation of all relationships - don't treat it lightly. Once you generate trust with someone you care about, do everything your power to maintain that trust by being honest, showing you care and being selfless in your role as friend or loved one. Confidence is the cornerstone of friendship. Not only do you need to bring a strong, powerful personality to your interactions with any new friend, you need to show them that you won't be the clingy, needy person that so many people fear. If you put a drain on their financial or emotional resources, eventually they'll ask "why am I friends with this person?" You'll stress them out - and no one wants a friend like that. Part of confidence is being so sure of yourself that you don't feel the urge to make someone else happy all the time. Stop worrying that what you say will upset someone. If it's really what you feel and it's not outright rude or mean (see chapter 2), let it fly and if they're really your friends, they'll appreciate your opinion. Too many times, people with self-esteem issues will hold back their opinions, waiting for someone else to confirm it, then agree with them. I'm sure you've done it. You really want to see an action movie, but feel a little unsure because you're embarrassed by how cheesy it is. So, instead of just saying, "Let's go see Battle Explosion IV", you ask, "What do you want to see?" and hope they agree with your opinion. The problem with this approach is that you expend a huge amount of energy trying to make other people happy. You worry about what they want and what they'll think of your opinions. Still, even with all of this work and in spite of the best-laid plans, it's still not easy. There are 1,440 minutes or 86,400 seconds in a day--that's a lot of micromoments to navigate! To offer continued support, in the final chapter I teach you one specific strategy that may give you the additional boost you need to plan and follow through on the behaviors that matter most to you. Why are relationship events so impactful?

As briefly addressed in Principle 4, we are a tribal species. Evolutionarily, it is in your best interest to form strong bonds, and your emotions send loud signals when those bonds are threatened or you perceive that they're threatened. In modern times, this might happen because you are in conflict, didn't act according to social norms, didn't hold up your end of a bargain, and so on. Positive emotions are elicited when you feel accepted and cared for by other members of your group. Because relationship events have such a strong influence on your emotions and behavior, in Principle 4 I encouraged you to identify social contexts that you experience as uplifting and social contexts you experience as depleting. The more uplifting interpersonal moments you have, the greater the likelihood is that you: To put it as simply as possible: positive relationship events promote experiences of HP and LP, and negative relationship events promote experiences of HN and LN. In this final chapter, I teach you to get the most out of your activation goals by celebrating your momentary success experiences with others. These conversations have a host of implications for your mood, sense of self, and feelings of closeness in your relationships--all experiences that can keep you feeling HP and LP and staying on track as you progress on your path of behavior change. Surround yourself with upbeat people, and their presence is likely to trigger a sense of happiness in you. Familiarity breeds friendship. Experiments by a team of researchers put two strangers together, encouraging them to interact for varying amounts of time. The more two people interacted with each other, the more attracted they were to one another. According to the psychologists conducting the research, three processes contributed to the dynamic: a sense of responsiveness in the other person, greater comfort and satisfaction during the interaction, and a perception of knowing the other person. Showing up is 80 percent (or thereabouts) of friendship. If you want to build a friendship, make the effort to spend more time with prospective friends. In as short a time as 45 minutes, you can build a strong bond with a complete stranger. That was among the findings of research published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, in which a group of psychology students were paired off. Researchers tasked some of the pairs to follow a series of prompts that led them to reveal personal, even intimate details about themselves, while the others just kept to light small talk. At the end, those who got more personal expressed feeling a significantly deeper connection with their partner--in approximately 30 percent of respondents, the connection was viewed as closer than their most intimate relationships. After the experiment, more than half of those in the "self-disclosure" group stayed in touch while more than one third met up and did something together.

Once you reprogram your mind, a major shift happens in your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and habits. A major shift happens in the results you're getting. More favorable things "happen" to you and around you. Change your consumption habits, who you spend time with, and monitor what you're putting into your mind. Once the garbage is out, it has to stay out. There's no reason or room for it anywhere in your life. Change starts with YOU. If you don't change, your life doesn't change. Getting your act together means letting go of everything you think you know and being open to becoming an entirely different person. Next time you are having drinks or coffee with a friend, talk about your feelings, rather than thoughts or opinions. Lasting friendships grow from getting personal. More is not always merrier. A large group of friends says plenty about your likability, but not much about whether you're likely to be happy. Researchers have found that the quality of friendships has been most often associated with one's overall happiness, when controlled for one's personality. So as the researchers put it, even if you are someone predisposed to being happy, investing in quality friendships "still add[s] something extra to our lives and has the potential to increase one's happiness." Every second of every day, you're presented with the opportunity to make decisions and every one of those decisions, no matter how big or small, will positively or negatively impact your life and situation. The small decisions aren't felt right away. Sometimes it takes weeks, months, and even years to feel them. But rest assured - those small decisions are adding up. You're layering one tiny bad decision on top of another and they're growing into a monster you can't tame. Warren Buffet says, "Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken." It's not only the big decisions that matter, like having a job, paying bills, taking care of your family - it's also all of the tiny, and seemingly insignificant, decisions in between.

The things that are easily overlooked. Focus on a handful of close friendships first, before trying to appeal to a large number of acquaintances. While quality friendships are the most important for one's happiness, studies have also found that the people we just kind of know--what scientists call "weak ties"--can play an important role in boosting our happiness. One study examined the relationships between students in a classroom and concluded that those who had more daily interactions with other classmates who weren't their close friends were happier and had a greater feeling of belonging than those with a limited social circle. The researchers suggest that we "chat with the coffee barista, work colleague, yoga classmate, and [fellow] dog owner--these interactions may contribute meaningfully to our happiness, above and beyond the contribution of interactions with our close friends and family." Additionally, while long-lasting friendships aren't always the same as high-quality friendships, researchers have found that friends you know for a long time, even if only casually, make a valuable contribution to your happiness. Think about one of the first things you do when something good happens to you. It could be something big, like your website hits the million-visitor mark. It could also be something small, just a moment when your mood brightened, even for a few seconds or minutes. Perhaps you read a mentor's flattering recommendation letter. You tried a new exercise class and, even though it was hard, you stuck it out. You made flatbread pizza with a cauliflower crust (yes, I highly recommend it). What do you usually do next? You most likely tell someone about it. Maybe you forward the recommendation letter to your parents. Maybe you tell your coworker how sore you are from last night's workout. Maybe you post your cauliflower flatbread on Instagram with the hashtag #cauliflowercreation. (Does that hashtag exist? It should.) When you tell someone about your uplifting experience, you are doing what two of my favorite researchers, Harry T. Reis and Shelly L. Gable, call capitalizing.

You can capitalize on events big and small with a roommate, friend, colleague, romantic partner, parent, sibling, acquaintance, or even a stranger. And if the person you share with responds in a way that communicates interest, enthusiasm, and that they truly understand why this matters to you, then some powerful things happen. Experience a mood boost during that conversation. The conversation itself becomes an uplift. And yes, even if you've been feeling depressed, having a conversation about something you're pleased with, and receiving an engaged and supportive response, has been empirically shown to improve mood. Feel close to that person. These conversations can set cornerstones for building intimacy in relationships, which are perceiving that other people understand you, care about you, and validate why you feel the way you feel. (Who would have thought talking about cauliflower could be so powerful?) View the uplifting moment as even more significant than you did initially. When the person reflects back to you how great it is, you start processing the event more deeply, perhaps identifying, "Yeah, it really is something!" Stop doing that. Be honest and forthright. So what if the other people in your group don't agree with you? You're still a good person who's perfectly likable. They might decide to give that movie a shot, just because you recommended it and you'll then get a chance to open their mind to a new genre. Things can get tricky here, because the last thing you want to do is actively upset someone who you consider your friend. But, at the same time, it's silly to hold back your opinion when you're afraid it could hurt someone else's feelings. This is the exact reason why so many people are unfit to be in charge. They worry constantly that what they say will put out their employees or subordinates and that it will ruin their friendship. The result, though, is awkwardness that further strains the relationship. No matter how small the decision, IT MATTERS. It has to be right.