The DSM-IV-TR addresses this aspect of language use under the concepts of hyperactivity, as well as impulsivity (which we have already seen is linked to a deficit in executive function), and lists these symptoms: often talks excessively; Edward Hallowell and John Ratey confirm this idea in their article Driven to Distraction: Researchers and clinicians have framed ADD as an inability to stop receiving messages rather than as an inability to receive the right messages. They continue by asserting that the ADD individual is unable to filter stimuli from the environment, describing this individual as captive to the events of the external world. What emerges from their view is a portrait of someone who focuses or attends to everything rather than suffering from the inability to concentrate at all. In this mind, instead of being able to carve out discrete activities that would create a sensation of separate moments, the person cannot stop the relentless flow of events. Continuing with this reasoning then, Drs. Hallowell and Ratey contend that the failure to form intimate relationships is the inability to pause long enough even to listen to the other person, let alone to understand and respect the other's needs. QUICK QUIZ Which of the following parties is most likely to leave the cafe first, thereby vacating a table for you to seize? The starry-eyed couple gazing into each other's eyes The solo hipster wearing noise-canceling headphones, with three empty coffee cups surrounding his laptop Two uncomfortable-looking people in formal business attire A group of young mothers with babies and a row of strollers by their side If you guessed C, you're right, all things being equal. Most likely they're on a work break, aren't really friends in any true sense, and can't wait to get out of there. As for Answer A, the starry-eyed couple: you shouldn't perch there even if they appear to be close to finished. It's likely that they'll order dessert or another drink, so you have no real idea when they're going to leave. We have lost our sense of purpose. In our mad quest to acquire objects, accolades, and experiences, we have forgotten how to live. Our obsession with doing has cost us our being;

We have allowed our intellects to strangle our hearts, forgetting that the source of life emanates from within us, not out there somewhere. At a crucial point in our soul's journey we realize that the quality of our life is more important than any material activity or possession. Gandhi declared, There is more to life than increasing its speed. When we discover that our journey home is an inward one, our value system shifts, and our life takes on a new and infinitely more rewarding purpose. A friend told me, Last year I took the biggest step of my life. It was but eighteen inches - I bridged the chasm between my head and my heart. At one of my seminars an endearing man named Bernie came onstage and told the group that he was a medical doctor who had had a heart attack. Consequently, they assert that the impulsivity, the lack of planning and the outbursts are the inability to restrain the flow of action and feeling. Autistic theory, on the other hand, suggests that the central underlying problem in communication is the inability to comprehend the nonverbal aspects of social discourse. These aspects, also known as pragmatics, account for two-way interaction through tendencies like eye contact, taking turns in conversation, body language and signals, interpretation of facial expressions, the ability to modulate tone and volume according to context. Speech pathologist Diane Twachtman-Cullen states that anywhere between 90 to 93 percent of meaning is carried by these nonverbal aspects of communication. For example, in these children the appreciation of paralinguistic cues [inflection, stress, tone, and facial expression] and an understanding of their essential role in communication often go unnoticed45; Therefore, they fail to comprehend the finer aspects of communication and meaning even though they often possess superior verbal skills. Thus the core deficit in Asperger's syndrome is a deficit of comprehension that leads to mistaken language, social, and behavioral cues. Interestingly, the impulsivity and inattention that ADHD researchers claim as core deficits may in fact stem from a more basic deficit in the executive function--a deficit that affects comprehension of both verbal and, more important, nonverbal communication and social cues. WHY CAN'T I PLAY YOUR WAY? SIMILARITIES IN SOCIAL DEFICITS As for B, while it's true that people by themselves tend not to linger, all bets are off if they have their computer with them and are getting work done. And D: are you crazy? Do you have any idea how long it takes for a group of people to put children in strollers and wheel out of there one by one?

Trusting Your First Impressions When people show you who they are, believe them. Maya Angelou All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts. I realized that it was not my heart that attacked me; I had attacked my heart, Bernie confessed. The room was silent; Bernie had captured everyone's attention instantly. In retrospect, Bernie went on, I am not surprised. I was living a hurried, frazzled, heartless life. My existence was about achievement, money, status symbols, and accolades. It was not about people or spirit. Bernie's voice started to crack as his eyes welled with tears that once might have threatened him, but now cleansed his soul. The audience was riveted; Unfortunately, according to Dr Paul Elliott, the ADHD field maintains the prevailing belief that a diagnosis can be made upon the basis of social characteristics; However, as we have seen, these children want desperately to socialize; Dr Fred Volkmar recognizes the deep need for social acceptance on the part of many Asperger's children: These are kids who have strong desire to make relationships.

Who want to fit in. Who want to have friends . Because they're not able to bring it off. These deficits lead to isolation and despair since the Asperger's syndrome child often does not understand how to initiate or conduct a social interaction using the rules most people regard as innate. Dr Lorna Wing describes this exact difficulty, saying that they make active but odd approaches to other people. They pay no attention to the feelings or needs of other people they talk to. Some have poor eye contact, but the problem is usually timing of making and breaking eye contact rather than of avoidance. William Shakespeare, As You Like It, Act II, Scene VII As a young woman, Robyn was interviewed by a movie executive who promised he could do great things for her career. He was a well-known figure in the industry, and her friends and family all thought she was crazy when she turned the job down because she felt creeped out after her meeting with him. At the time she was unable to give any reason for this feeling, other than saying that he sat on top of his desk during part of the interview, which she saw as an indicator that he didn't mind crossing boundaries, trivial though they might be. For a long time, as she worked her way up the career ladder, Robyn questioned whether she had been right to decline the job, which would have opened many doors for her. Many years later, Mr Creepy ended up being one of the high-profile men who lost their jobs after the #MeToo fallout. Robyn had excellent nunchi. Even though she was desperate to get a job in the movie business, she didn't let that desire override her first impression that the executive was not to be trusted. She believed in her own instincts against the advice of her family and friends, and today she is confident that she made the right decision. People tell you a lot about themselves when you first meet them, even if they don't say a word. During my recovery I had a lot of time to evaluate the quality of my life. I recognized that I had come to put self-importance before service. I remembered Leo Buscaglia's words, `We were born to love people and use things;

Bernie's sincerity was gently commanding. Today, Bernie added, I am a new man. I have rekindled my relationship with my wife and children, and my life is a thousand percent more rewarding. I thank God for more time on earth to discover the depths and joys of living from my heart. My life now is dedicated to loving. The audience rose with thunderous applause in acknowledgement of Bernie's touching testimony. Bernie completed his account by revealing that his practice of medicine has now taken a back seat to his new love - ballroom dancing. Their approaches can include physically holding or hugging the other person, often much too tightly. Thus an Asperger's syndrome child violates both the unwritten rules for joint communication and respecting another's personal space. Often these children will stand too close to a person, speak in a loud unmodulated voice, and interrupt or make remarks out of context. These violations lead to peer rejection as well as frustration and anger. The verbal abilities of these children and their active social approaches may mask the fact that they have no real understanding of how to interact socially with other people. Just as we saw with their assessments of communication problems, ADHD researchers frequently regard the social difficulties of ADHD children as willful, conscious behaviors. For example, in his article Taking Charge of ADHD, Dr Russell Barkley claims that because [ADHD children] fail to consider future consequences, they often don't see that their selfishness and self-centeredness in the moment result in their losing friends in the long run. This approach implies that aberrant social behaviors emerge as a result of choice, even though Dr Barkley argues that the impulsivity is evidence of a deficit in the behavioral inhibition system. Close examination reveals this same conflict in all major types of behavior discussed within the realm of ADHD. I'M NOT BAD, JUST OUT OF CONTROL: SIMILARITIES IN BEHAVIOR Nunchi can help you to listen, but only if you remember Nunchi Rule #1: First, empty your mind. When you let go of your ideas about what you think should or should not be happening in a situation, you become open to understanding what is actually happening. One of the most popular true-crime podcasts ever, Dirty John, tells the story of Debra Newell, a 59-year-old divorcee from California, who in 2014 met a dashing medical doctor named John Meehan.