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Try another, and then another, and keep going until you find those that work for you. Keep asking the questions and seeking the answers. Never allow someone to tell you it's hopeless or your trauma is too deep to resolve. Just as life can be hard and painful, it can also be sweet and filled with pleasure. Let your will to recover and your determination to reach the other side of this fortify your spirit and guide you forward. Your child is here to remember that his in-body experience has the same emotional action/reaction physics that his out-of-body experience had before he got here. Help him to understand these physics as early as possible. If you forget to reward him for his sharing, someone else will. But the more you do the rewarding, the faster he catches on. If he likes his reward from his first sharing experience, he continues to test this theory in the presence of other people. He may not receive the quick response you give him, but he still receives an appropriate response. When he begins his education, he receives more opportunities to test this theory. If he tells you that your action/reaction didn't work at school because no one gave him five crayons back for the one he gave away, explain how his reward may have a different look. Maybe he didn't receive the five crayons he expected, but he received something to balance the gift he gave. If you remind him that even a thoughtful gesture qualifies, he realizes his reward. Once that identity was reinforced, they were more likely to show up and vote. You can use this lever to motivate yourself to start dating. Reinforce your own identity as a dater, not just someone who goes on dates. Stand in front of a mirror and say out loud: I am looking for love. I am a dater.

Does this seem ridiculous, especially before you've been on a date? But you should do it anyway. I once worked with a client named Jacob who described himself on our first call as very fat. He told me, My mom is fat, my dad is fat, we're all fat. He worked at a nonprofit on their learning and development team. When you've had childhood trauma or when you constantly feel overwhelmed because you're exposed to trauma on a daily basis, the biochemistry of the body shifts, Dr Keesha Ewers, an integrative medicine practitioner and trauma-informed psychotherapist, told us. If you're exhausted all the time, feel depressed or anxious, have no to low sex drive, and have the sense that your body feels off, then you may have very real chemical imbalances that need addressing. Dr Ewers uses a multiprong approach to treating her patients, running full biomarkers, testing their microbiomes for any imbalances, looking into food sensitivities, and checking for vitamin, mineral, and hormone deficiencies, and exposure to toxins. Simultaneously, Dr Ewers will treat her patients' physiology, and she'll address any underlying traumas using trauma-informed, psychotherapeutic approaches like EMDR or psychotherapy. Gordon, a neuroendocrinologist who specializes in TBIs, addresses the hormones of the brain and body using mostly natural remedies. Eighty to ninety percent of what we use are naturopathic products, he said. Using a personalized protocol, patients may receive treatments that include supplements, hormone replacement, probiotics, and new dietary guidelines. Many of his patients report incredible results. For instance, he worked with a captain in the air force who was seeing a psychiatrist and a speech therapist because she had lost her speaking ability. Within six weeks of treatment, both the psychiatrist and speech therapist said they weren't needed. Emotional action/reaction never fails. Therefore, don't be timid about teaching him these physics. The game of give/receive will intrigue him, and he'll keep testing this game for however long he keeps reaping the benefits. Eventually, he takes action/reaction in the opposite direction and steals from someone. Don't be upset when this happens;

If stealing is what he decides to test, he'll be obliged here, too. Tell him that for every item he steals, he will be stolen from in excess of what he took. Let him test these physics; It's what he came here to understand. If you are aware of his search, you help him to find his answers that much sooner. He welcomed new employees to the company and trained them during their first week on the job. I meet new people all the time. That's not the problem. I just hate the idea of dating because I can't imagine getting naked in front of anyone. So what's the point? Jacob said in the past he would try to lose weight, but then he'd fall off the wagon and end up right back where he started--unhappy with his weight and still single. Every week I tried to help Jacob see himself as a dater, not someone who would start dating once he lost weight. He did the mirror exercise. He hated it, but he did it. One day, instead of our normal session, and perhaps inspired by a recent Queer Eye marathon, I took Jacob shopping. Dr Gordon has helped wheelchair-dependent veterans regain the ability to walk, and he's helped people get off dozens of prescription medications. Trauma can affect us in strange ways that we'd never imagine. The good news is that you have more options than a prescription from modern Western medicine. This isn't to knock these doctors or that kind of treatment. There is a place and time for everything, and depending on your unique situation, prescriptions may be needed.

But on your road to recovery, it may be worth a stop at an integrative or functional medicine practitioner's office, or a trauma-informed therapist who can also test for and understands the biochemistry of your body. Consult and work with your doctor on this. One of the keys to unlocking your trauma door may be solving for your unique biochemistry. Food fuels us, and it can heal us too. Created thousands of years ago, traditional Chinese medicine and Ayurvedic medicine use what we eat to help restore, and keep, the body, mind, and spirit balanced. Take your child into your confidence; He will love hearing how the universe read your aura and quickly returned the gift. You can use his very presence as a reflection of this principle. You told the universe you were ready to see more love in yourself, and God sent you more of yourself in him. As your youngster moves into the primary school years, he begins to test with his peers. If he knows how to give of himself, he will have droves of friends. If he fears that he doesn't have enough, he attracts those in the same lack mentality. This theory of emotional action/reaction is ever-present in every situation where people are living, loving, and learning. The process accelerates when you produce what the universe likes to support. Since love is the only product anyone really seeks, those who know how to give it are in great demand. It was time to show his body some love. He walked out of the dressing room and said, Wow, I almost look good. With the help of a trendy teenage sales associate, we learned that he'd been buying his clothes two sizes too big. He bought some flattering new jeans, jackets, and shirts. Over the months that followed, we found ways to improve his self-esteem by focusing on his best qualities--like his beautiful eyes and wicked sense of humor--instead of waiting for a new body that might never come.

With time, his identity as a dater grew stronger. He continued to do the mirror exercise and started to hate it a little bit less. He downloaded a dating app and tried to go on at least one date a week. One weekend, he reconnected with an old friend from college who was visiting San Francisco from Denver. When they went for a walk, he told her stories about his dating adventures. When we're balanced, we're healthy. The challenge in our modern world is that much of the food we eat is harmful and causes a lot of inflammation in the body. Trauma and inflammation are often linked, and the only way you reduce the physiological swelling is by changing your diet. You'll still need to address unresolved issues, but eliminating some foods while increasing others can make a huge difference in your state of mind and overall well-being. If you can, work with an integrative or functional medicine practitioner who can run panels and test for vitamin or mineral deficiencies. They will usually identify what supplements you may need, and doses, and they'll monitor for effectiveness. That's powerful information for anyone with or without trauma. And there are some tweaks you can likely make now, like adopting an anti-inflammatory diet. You'll eat a lot of fruits like cherries and berries; You'll cut out stuff everyone loves to eat, but that our bodies don't digest well, including processed foods, sugar, anything fatty or greasy, red meat like beef, dairy like cheese and milk, anything with trans fat (labeled as partially hydrogenated oils), and gluten. Children aren't yet distracted by the adult mentality of trying to get ahead in the world. They don't care if someone's parent is a V. If you don't believe it, try to force your child to play with someone for that reason. He wants playmates that reflect his interests, not his parent's interests. He's looking for compatibility.