Not being able to see didn't help either. The vision problem has nothing to do with ADD, unless there's some brain damage affecting both, which I doubt. With no fine motor coordination nor ability to see, I couldn't play baseball or basketball, but I could play in the line, somewhat. So it's not enough that we have ADD, we also tend to have problems with reading, math, writing, and coordination. These can be addressed, too, but generally I wouldn't expect great results and it may not be worth the trouble. It's better to find ways to work around these problems rather than trying to improve them. I am pleased and surprised though that my handwriting definitely is better. In helping my clients formulate a plan of action to overcome self-defeating habits, I first ask them what they generally do when they find they have fallen short of their unrealistic, perfectionistic demand. Some common responses are: I keep to myself or avoid others. I try to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. I stay up at night ruminating about it. I sit in my office ruminating about it, or leave work early. I'm geographically challenged, too, another learning disability, not a key part of ADD itself. My wife can be in a foreign city, go to a place once, come back to the city five years later and know how to return to that place. I've seen her do it. I, on the other hand, can go somewhere in Santa Fe fifty times and the fifty first time is like the first time all over again. I have to ask my wife for directions or use the GPS ( which I'm no good at because I'm also both technologically and patience challenged) or use a map. If I'm going to use a map, I need to do it before I start and to write down the directions; it's harder to use once I'm moving, lost, and frustrated. By contrast, the stronger our link to someone across these five domains of physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and social connectedness, the more relaxed we will naturally feel. It can be extremely helpful for the person who struggles with anxiety to consider, in each of their relationships, what kinds of connection are strongest and what kinds need some work.

Often, when I ask people -- especially married people -- to tell me about their relationships, they will say, "It's fine." When I press a little harder, they reveal that they mean that the relationship is the source of little conflict, but it is also often the source of very little intimacy or connection. Describing these types of connection allows people to say, "I have a strong social attachment with Bill, a pretty good physical connection with my wife, a solid psychological connection with my boss who is really more of a mentor to me, but I don't really have much of an emotional or spiritual connection with anyone." Finally, social connection has to do with the friends, activities, experiences, and groups you have in common. Research by Dr. Gary Lewandowski at Monmouth University suggests that social attachment lends a sense of relevance to a relationship. That is to say, it makes sense that you're together because you have so much in common. Social connection gives you a common experiential vocabulary that allows you to finish each other's sentences and get each other's inside jokes. When you're alone, social connection also makes you keep mental lists of things you can't wait to share with the other. Cultivating social connection involves being willing to leave behind your own comfort zone to cheerfully seek the truth, goodness, and beauty in the activities and relationships your friend finds true, good, and beautiful. What is one simple thing you could do today to strengthen your social connection with a person who is important to you? Angela is a woman of faith, and she rejoices every day as she thinks about her strong family legacy and what the word family truly means to her. When Angela was only thirteen months old, her mother passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Her mother's siblings stepped in and raised Angela as their own. Thirty years later, Angela raised her niece and nephew due to the passing of their mother. Angela believes strongly in family bonds and rejoices daily to have been blessed with a great family. My wife has a hard time giving directions because she often doesn't know the names of the streets, she just knows when to turn. She can't say how she knows; she just knows. On the other hand, I'm pretty good with maps and she isn't; if you hand her a map, her mind goes blank. So this has something to do with learning disabilities, right brain and left brain, and visuo-spatial capability. I can get lost in my own house. I recognize this geographical handicap and use strategies, like looking at a map ahead of time and carrying my cell phone so I can call my wife, "So do I turn left or right on Rufina Street?" This reduces the level of frustration in my life.

These behaviors are the self-destructive results of demanding perfection and then damning yourself when you don't achieve it. This is how you punish and degrade yourself for your perceived failure. What might the philosophers tell you to do instead of what you are doing? Would a sage tell you to torment yourself as you do, going through the antics of rumination, isolating yourself, keeping yourself up all night, self-medicating, and so forth? Clearly not! Remember, our brains are hard-wired to be more anxious when we feel disconnected from others. If you struggle with anxiety, the more effort you can put into increasing all the different dimensions of connection you have -- both within each relationship and across all your relationships -- the more you will be able to enjoy the stress-busting power of your relationships. When I began to walk in the light of my divine purpose, I felt in my heart that I was on my spiritual journey. At the time, I had no idea where it was guiding me. I only knew I had to follow the deep passion that was in my heart and soul regarding helping those without a voice. When I started serving others, my pain began to dissolve. While on my journey, I walked through a lot of peaks and valleys. Yes, I climbed some unbelievable mountains in my life, but I never looked at how high I had to climb to reach the mountaintop. When you are living your life with a purpose and on a mission, you are just driven to do the work. And you trust that God will take you to the top of the mountain in victory. Learning disabilities are not a basic part of ADD, but many of us with ADD have one or more learning disabilities and often poor coordination also, probably all due to some mis-wired brain circuits. Both ADD and learning disabilities contribute to our underlying sense of shame and demoralization, as does our clumsiness. We need to be aware of our disabilities and come up with strategies to deal with them. Then things can get better. Think rationally, exercise self-control, and act accordingly.

Aristotle would not prescribe avoiding others. Instead, he might tell you to do what you enjoy doing, because there is no rational sense in punishing yourself by locking yourself away. After all, it is not a crime to be human! And no doubt self-medicating would not be on Aristotle's list of to-dos; that would impair your ability to think rationally and would not solve a damn thing. There's a lot of good information on the internet about ADD, most of it about how to try to manage your ADD kid - read it and have some compassion for what your parents went through with you. There's also a lot of information about adult ADD. Some of it's free; for some of it you have pay. Some of it is good. Some of it is garbage. And some of it is woo woo. There is some woo woo also in some of the ADD books. Some of the woo woo may turn out to be good. A current fad is multi-modal therapy; I've read a little about it but I don't understand what it is. I've read some discussion of Yogic unilateral breathing. I haven't tried that. Fake it until you make it. Constructive change is possible only through practice. Socialize with others. Aristotle said that we humans are "social animals"! Exercise rational self-control rather than pine away.

This is how you can become virtuous. If you feel like avoiding others, try to be especially outgoing instead. You'll end up being not outgoing, but rather just more sociable. To understand the relationship between the types of physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and social connection we just discussed and the three attachment styles we'll review below, it can be helpful to think of the five different types of connection (physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and social) as tubes that deliver different types of warm feelings back and forth between two people. Your attachment style represents the degree to which there may (or may not) be blockages in each of the five metaphorical "tubes" connecting your heart to another's, making it difficult for you to experience all the benefits that would otherwise naturally result from these connections. Has my spiritual journey been hard? My answer is that it's a lot of work, yet it comprises the deepest, most significant, and remarkable experiences I have ever known. I am still speechless when I stop and think about the miracles of where people's spiritual journeys have taken them. But what if I would have ignored my calling? What if I had given up? This is my I would not have rejoice list of the miracles in my life. If I hadn't walked in my purpose and followed my divine light, Nor would I have known what an amazing gift it was for me to be of service to represent those without a voice. It gives my soul unimaginable serenity and peace. Some studies suggest that the cerebellum is not functioning properly in ADD. The cerebellum is the back end of our brain that has to do with coordination and balance and probably other things. There's a program for treating ADD by strengthening the cerebellum through things like balancing exercises and juggling. My friend Daffy, who is very smart and has advanced degrees and a severe case of ADD, is also a juggler. It might appear that the juggling hasn't helped his ADD much, but then I didn't know him before. Still, I like the idea, even though it's woo woo, and I've been practicing balancing on one foot. That's easy enough to do, or rather, easy enough to find the time to do.