Date Tags ideas

Now bring that lemon up to your mouth and take a big bite out of it. Can you imagine it? Did your mouth pucker at all? If it did, then consider how powerful this is: Words that you said in your mind produced an actual physiological response in your body. Understanding that abstract words have a physical effect is crucial, especially when it comes to anger. Acknowledging that words have an impact is especially important when we realize that we all talk to ourselves, and our self-talk is ongoing throughout the day. In fact, the default-mode network is our running internal dialogue, which is estimated to consist of anywhere between 50,000 and 70,000 thoughts a day. Research from the field of cognitive behavioral psychology has long demonstrated that what we tell ourselves significantly affects how we feel. Sure, I've had eh dates, but I've never left a date thinking, That was awful and miserable and uncomfortable. Why all the nerves, then, when I have ample evidence that dates always turn out okay and, at the very least, always end? I couldn't tell you. All I know is that the buildup to every first date has me calling my mother/all my female friends, looking for someone, anyone, to validate me in my thinking that he totally won't mind if I just call it off twenty minutes before. Meeting a near-stranger in order to mutually assess your romantic compatibility is a really intimidating prospect. Unfortunately, I've found that the only thing that really eliminates pre-date jitters (pre-date dread might be a more apt term, actually) is to just go on the date. The second the date starts, my nerves are quelled. It really is the anticipation that's the worst part. Once the date is happening, I'm able to see it for what it really is: a casual, low-stakes opportunity to get to know someone and not, say, an excruciatingly awkward social encounter that will forever determine my prospects of future happiness/the fate of mankind. The other thing that helps with eliminating nervousness before dates is simply going on a lot of dates. These stories are so common as to indicate something essential about the brain and how it reaches certain peaks of creativity. We can explain this pattern in the following way: If we remained as excited as we were in the beginning of our project, maintaining that intuitive feel that sparked it all, we would never be able to take the necessary distance to look at our work objectively and improve upon it.

Losing that initial verve causes us to work and rework the idea. It forces us to not settle too early on an easy solution. The mounting frustration and tightness that comes from single-minded devotion to one problem or idea will naturally lead to a breaking point. We realize we are getting nowhere. Such moments are signals from the brain to let go, for however long a period necessary, and most creative people consciously or unconsciously accept this. we let go, we are not aware that below the surface of consciousness the ideas and the associations we had built up continue to bubble and incubate. With the feeling of tightness gone, the brain can momentarily return to that initial feeling of excitement and aliveness, which by now has been greatly enhanced by all of our hard work. The brain can now find the proper synthesis to the work, the one that was eluding us because we had become too tight in our approach. When it comes to self-talk, extreme language is the biggest instigator of anger and conflict. If you run into an unexpected traffic jam and you say to yourself, This is terrible! This shouldn't be happening! I can't stand this! you are likely going to feel pretty upset. The problem with using extreme words, or catastrophizing, is that it elicits a stronger reaction from us than the situation warrants. (Catastrophizing, or creating a catastrophe where one doesn't exist, is essentially making a mountain out of a molehill. ) Perhaps more eye-opening, however, is the reality that extreme language is simply not accurate. Here's what actually occurs when we use extreme language: An event happens, we lie to ourselves, and then we make ourselves unnecessarily angry or upset. What if we were to look at the unexpected traffic jam above through the lens of accurate language? It does get a little better each time you go through the cycle. Fractionally better, maybe, but better.

And if you schedule multiple dates with different guys over, say, a two-week period, you'll feel proportionately less stressed out about each individual one. I guess the point here is that you might not be able to eliminate pre-date jitters from your life, but you can cope with them. Try the tricks on the following articles. Possibly out of Darwinian necessity, women have adapted various strategies for dealing with nerves before a first date.Guaranteed to eliminate (or at least reduce? I don't know how brilliant/unique this is, but I always try to tell myself that I'm just meeting a friend, to take all the romantic pressure off. Low expectations! Make plans for immediately after the date, thus setting a time cap. I have a friend come over while I'm getting ready for the date to pump me full of words of encouragement. Perhaps the idea for the watery sounds in Das Rheingold had stirred before in different forms in Wagner's brain as he strained to find the right opening. Only by giving up the chase and falling asleep in the woods was he able to access his unconscious mind, and allow an idea that had been brewing there to surface by way of a dream. The key is to be aware of this process and to encourage yourself to go as far as you can with your doubts, your reworkings, and your strained efforts, knowing the value and purpose of the frustration and creative blocks you are facing. Think of yourself as your own Zen Master. Such Masters would often beat their pupils and deliberately lead them to points of maximum doubt and inner tension, knowing such moments often precede enlightenment. Among the thousands of stories of great insights and discoveries, perhaps the strangest one of all is that of Evariste Galois, a promising student of mathematics in France who in his teens revealed exceptional brilliance in algebra. In 1831, at the age of twenty, he became embroiled in a quarrel over a woman, which resulted in his being challenged to a duel. The night before the duel, certain he was going to die, Galois sat down and tried to summarize all of the ideas on algebraic equations that had been troubling him for several years. Suddenly, the ideas flowed, and even new ones came to him. He wrote all night at a feverish pitch. You might say to yourself something like, This is unfortunate. I wish this wasn't happening right now, but it's not the end of the world, and I can handle it.

The event stays the same, but how you feel about it and, ultimately, how you handle it shift. The basic rule of language is that words mean something. The word terrible, for instance, means extremely bad or severe. it's true that an unexpected traffic jam is unfortunate, it is less true that it is extremely bad or severe. telling yourself something that's not true, you respond much more intensely than the situation warrants. it is true that the situation is unfortunate, but unfortunate situations do not require an extreme response or action from you. Let's break down the second sentence, This shouldn't be happening! we have seen, anytime we rely on the word should, we are talking about the cartoon world, because in the real world the traffic jam is actually happening. If I'm especially nervous, I ask the friend to walk with me toward the date location so I don't have TOO much time alone with my thoughts. Schedule a dinner or drinks date for a weeknight, on the later side--say, 8:30--and go to happy hour with friends or coworkers first. I'm not saying get sloshed, but ONE drink will take the edge off, and your friends will help distract you. Plus, you'll fool yourself into thinking, This date can't be a big deal! I'm not taking it that seriously. I mean, I'm at a BAR first. I have a `dresser,' a drink you have when you're getting dressed. Always white wine. Safe if you spill it. I pass the pre-date time in my apartment, trying on different dresses and sending photos of them to friends to vote on what I should wear. The next day, as he had foreseen, he died in the duel, but in the ensuing years his notes were read and published, leading to a complete revolution in higher algebra. Some of his scribbled notes indicated directions in mathematics that were so far ahead of his time, it is hard to fathom where they came from.

This is a somewhat extreme example, but the story reveals something elemental about the need for tension. The feeling that we have endless time to complete our work has an insidious and debilitating effect on our minds. Our attention and thoughts become diffused. Our lack of intensity makes it hard for the brain to jolt into a higher gear. The connections do not occur. For this purpose you must always try to work with deadlines, whether real or manufactured. Faced with the slenderest amount of time to reach the end, the mind rises to the level you require. Ideas crowd upon one another. Again, the world is not letting you down or deliberately angering you in that instance; only your perspective is doing that. When, by using extreme language, you back yourself into a psychological corner in your cartoon world, the only way out of it is through more extremes. So if you tell yourself something shouldn't be happening and it is, it makes sense that you feel you can't stand it! But that cartoon-world reality is simply is not true, either--in the real world you are standing it. The more accurate statement I wish this wasn't happening right now is not only true, but it helps you set a healthy mental framework. From the time you were very young, you learned that wishes rarely come true. You might indeed wish that the traffic jam wasn't happening in that moment, but you might also wish for a billion dollars. You are getting neither of those wishes in the moment. But it is also true that it's not the end of the world, and you most certainly can handle it (as evidenced by the fact that you actually are). It makes me feel confident in my outfit. Gives energy but won't make you jittery, won't stain your teeth, won't upset your stomach, and won't go to your head.