It doesn't matter if I trust him, I trust myself. If I have a feeling, an intuition, or something doesn't feel right, today I make sure I say it. Before, it was about not trusting me, not just him. I would be too quiet. It's not okay now not to be heard. He is on his journey and I see him going to his therapy and his meetings, doing his exercise, and that is helping to assure me that he takes care of himself. In early recovery I had this great need to know. I thought if I was up on everything that was going on in his mind, heard about every thought in his addictive thinking, and knew about how he dealt with every temptation, then I would be able to control the situation. So what does that mean in terms of the foods we should eat? Vegetable and soybean oils follow at 9:1 and 8:1 respectively (courtesy of Jeff Novick from TrueNorth Health Center). Canola oil (rapeseed oil) has a ratio of about 2:1. Flaxseed oil is probably the healthiest oil, with little saturated fat, a large proportion of polyunsaturated fat, and a good ratio of omega-6 to omega-3 fatty acids. Of note, however, is that flaxseed oil cannot be used to cook with, because it is potentially harmful when warmed. Flaxseed oil has a good ratio of omega-3 to omega-6 fatty acids, but do not use it for cooking. Heating it makes it potentially harmful to the body. Historically speaking, the benefits of PUFAs in decreasing heart disease were compelling and well touted, but the food industry struggled because of their poor shelf life. As a result, manufacturers began hydrogenating these oils to make them easier to use and longer lasting. This began the advent of trans fats. Does it really take just 30 minutes to do groceries? Or does it take an hour because of drive time and the fact that you never remember where the aisle for rice is?

Are there days when a calendar and to-do list isn't necessary? Only on days where you don't want to get stuff done. The Roman philosopher, Seneca the Younger, said two thousand years ago, People are frugal in guarding their personal property; You just wrote down all of those great goals for your family, faith, finances, fitness, friends and fun, right? WHEN WILL YOU DO THESE THINGS! Write it down. Plan your time every single day, before the day starts. Follow the calendar. Later I learned that this is a part of my own illness. Today I look at his commitment to his twelve-step program, attendance at meetings, and a change in attitude as signs of recovery. I have found I may come to trust certain things 100 percent, but other things will not be so clear. I am not in control of what will happen, and I learn to give my fears to God. These women are practicing the act of letting go. Letting go is a spiritual concept. Andre Gide wrote, One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time. For many, a willingness to be in this in-between state only becomes doable with the alliance of a spiritual path. Asking for Help You probably have been coping on your own or with the advice and direction of family and friends. It was easy for manufacturers to use trans fats because they were not saturated fats, which had become unpopular due to their potential cardiovascular effects. What's more, trans fats were polyunsaturated fats, so they were considered healthy, and when they were hydrogenated, they had the added benefit of a longer shelf life.

Without realizing it, however, manufacturers added highly toxic oils back into our foods that were actually more toxic to our hearts than saturated fats. Controlled studies have shown that trans fats increase LDL and lower HDL cholesterol, compared to non-hydrogenated unsaturated fatty acids. Trans fats also increase our risk of diabetes. During the trans fat years, people started looking at the Mediterranean diet more closely. Studies began showing that the Mediterranean diet was linked to lower cardiovascular mortality. Analysis of food oils used in this diet led to the focus on olive oil as the golden oil and targeted the abundance of MUFAs and PUFAs in the oil. Olive oil is 72 percent monounsaturated fat. The remainder is linoleic acid, which, as you may recall, is an omega-6 polyunsaturated fat. As you block out your time and create your to-do list of action items, you'll become a freak of nature to most people. They'll look at your calendar and gasp for dear life. They will be concerned about your well-being and sanity. How should you respond? Embrace it. This is the normal mode for any ridiculously successful and intentional person. This methodology is run by anyone who wants to make something of their lives. Anyone who plans out their time, and honors their calendar, gets stuff done. With many days, weeks, months and years of consistent implementation, you will suddenly realize how far you've gone and be proud of yourself. Pitfalls to Watch For Hopefully the time has come for you to let go of your fears and shame and be willing to get help from a professional or recovery program that specifically addresses your issues. You don't need to wait for your partner to be willing to get help;

Regardless of the status of the relationship you are left with, the trauma of the betrayal, depression, anxiety, and a host of self-defeating behaviors could be governing your life. Your foundational beliefs about your self-worth and value are in question. Perhaps your own addictions have come to light. Signs of post-traumatic stress may become apparent, as well as the role of childhood wounding and trauma repetition. You deserve the opportunity to work with someone, privately or in a group, who can lead and support you. Professional and self-help resources are out there. Look for a therapist who has specific training in how to work with family members families impacted by sex addiction. You are most apt to find them via the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) affiliated with the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), or the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialist (APSATS). MUFAs have been shown to lower triglycerides and LDL levels and elevate HDL compared to saturated fats. In some studies, they have been shown to improve cardiovascular outcomes, ease oxidative stress, and improve diabetes control. To date, olive oil has enjoyed the spotlight as the oil used in the Mediterranean diet and, therefore, has been purported as the oil that can improve heart health. People often will add olive oil to their foods because of its cardiovascular benefits, above and beyond their normal food requirements. Many of our patients explain that they are eating olive oil because it is good for the heart. But is that the right thing to do? The big question: Is olive oil or any oil actually good for us by itself? Or is it just better than the alternatives--saturated and trans fats? A study in 1995 was performed on African green monkeys. LDL cholesterol levels (bad cholesterol) were fairly similar in the monkeys on the mono- and polyunsaturated diets, which were lower than the group eating the saturated fat diet. But, I must say, most people already know this stuff is important. They know that using a calendar is a good thing.

They understand that creating to-do lists is helpful. Again, I'll remind you that nothing is revolutionary or new in this article. There are some common pitfalls, which ultimately, thwart anyone from doing these simple activities consistently. I'd like to quickly address these situations and provide you with steps to overcome them. It Sounds Impossible. When you read that one of my bosses diligently recorded podcasts every single day for seven years, it likely provoked an audible gasp of disbelief. For seven years? Didn't anything get in the way of recording a show? Talk with others who have struggled with the same problems and who have sought the help of a professional. Find out what they valued or did not value about their choice of therapist before you call for an appointment. Also if it is difficult to find someone locally it is much more common today to work with someone via the internet, with Skype and/or other media platforms. While I have a strong bias for the opportunity for partners to work with other partners in a group, it could be difficult to find a group in your community. If that is the case, I strongly encourage you, if feasible, to locate a partners workshop that would give you at least a one time experience with other partners. This is most often a three- to five-day group experience. It is always best if you are already working with a therapist individually who works with you prior and after a workshop experience. See Helping Resources for suggestions. Because of the traumatic stress that is experienced it is most helpful to also find a therapist that incorporates trauma modalities into his or her practice. Such modalities that many partners have found helpful range from Somatic Experiencing (SE), Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR), forms of mindfulness practice, art therapies, sensorimotor psychotherapy (SP), and others. HDL cholesterol levels (good cholesterol--we want this high) was similar between the groups eating saturated fat and monounsaturated fats and lowest in the group eating polyunsaturated fats. When you look at coronary artery disease in these monkeys, though, regardless of the type of fat in their diet, they all developed atherosclerosis--clogging of the arteries.