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Unable to meet their own needs and incapable of meeting each other's, the couple, (possibly your parents), look outside themselves to a third possible alternative, what about a baby! A baby would give them a joint focus, something to create together, and a tangible way to partner that is as normal as life itself. The way out of the power struggles is to have a baby. The new hope, the new ray of light, is perceived as parenting a child together. This will address the unmet emotional needs and satisfy both partners by focusing on a third and innocent party to make everything all right...or so they hope. Let's imagine our stress-temperature scale running from 1 (cool) to 10 (boiling over). Our minds tend to function at their best around a 3, but this is difficult to maintain at all times. For our purposes, anything below a 7.5 is workable (but working to keep your tempterature at 6.5 or lower is ideal). Let's look at each point on the stress temperature scale. This is the state of perfect balance between relaxation and attention. This is the point psychologists refer to as "flow," where you feel at one with your performance. Even stressful moments are perceived as exciting opportunities. This idealized state is a peak state of being but, as such, is difficult to maintain except for short periods that can be increased with practice. A child is born (you) to two people who are disillusioned about their prince/princess and their real-life fairy tale that hasn't turned out the way did in the children's books. Your parents are looking to the child to meet their emotional needs, and the newborn has only needs. As a tiny infant, you cannot differentiate between yourself and your environment. You haven't any boundaries, and so you are a part of everything that happens to you. And this is where it all begins. According to A Media Studies Blog, 65 percent of the US population is playing video games. The average gamer spends about eighteen hours a week playing video games.

Eighteen- through forty-nine-year-olds make up the largest percentage of gamers at 49 percent. We know that the world is in a period of rapid change and unpredictability, but what remains constant, actual, and vital is our connection to each other and our source. The answers to these questionable times can be elusive, but the answer to healing and revitalizing yourself is crystal clear: by accelerating your own personal transformation. I believe we must move from the Information Age to the Age of Wisdom. Information isn't enough; without wisdom, information is just data. Many of our problems today are created by very intelligent and educated people, so until we change, the same problems will repeat themselves--the same conflicts, the same type of issues, just a different era. We must now heal and empower ourselves so that we are worthy of our New Cambrian world. Many of us were the class clown in school. At the end of junior high, there was an assembly to present the award for good citizenship. Everyone knew that Nikki would win it. So when my name was called, I was astonished. I loudly blurted out an obscenity (junior high, remember?) and then went up to accept my good citizenship award. My son, Duane, also had ADD. He was always in trouble for blurting out in class. What he would blurt out was the answers; he wouldn't raise his hand, just blurt them out. He was also in trouble because he couldn't stay in his seat. He was up wandering around the class room or going over to talk to some other kid. Ritalin helped him some. ADD runs in families, especially through the male side. To develop unconditional self-acceptance, Thomas Jefferson said to embrace your "unalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." It would be odd (and self-defeating) if these famous Jeffersonian words in the United States Declaration of Independence (1776) were taken to apply to the government's respect for its citizens but not to the citizens' respect for themselves.

The word "unalienable" is especially important here. It means that you don't have to be perfect to enjoy these fundamental human rights. Immanuel Kant said you don't have to be morally perfect to deserve respect (Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, n.d.). This great champion of unconditional self-worth recognized that no one on earth could be morally perfect. You'll never be perfect, so stop damning yourself when you're not. Like your rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, your self-worth is unalienable. So you can admit that you did something dumb, but that doesn't make you dumb! At this stage, while you are not quite in a state of flow, you feel competent and confident in your ability to handle your environment. You are happy to be doing what you are doing. You feel competent in your ability to handle your circumstances, but you are neither happy nor unhappy to be doing what you are doing. Instead, you are happy to be accomplishing things, if not altogether happy about the accomplishments themselves. At this point, your body begins producing a slow, steady drip of adrenaline and cortisol into your blood stream. feel mildly stressed or harried. You are still in control of yourself and your situation but you have to concentrate to not seem irritable to the people around you. At this stage, you would prefer to not be perceived as anxious or irritable by others. You are careful to present yourself well and appear to be "keeping it together," even though you are looking forward to this time being behind you. As your stress pushes you up toward a 6.5 or closer to a 7, it gets harder to remember to be polite, civil, and solution-focused. Although you might be loath to admit that you are actually stressed or anxious, others might begin asking you, "Are you okay?" as you are starting to show more rough edges than usual. You Are to Blame! You feel everything, and since you are completely "self-centered" you experience being both the cause and the effect of all that goes on around you.

The baby, unknowingly takes the blame for everything that transpires in the relationship between the two parents. In the dysfunctional family, the child takes on all the problems as his fault. You know, my friends, we can refuse to live our lives in virtual reality. We can say aloud that we want the real thing and we want to make a difference in that reality. We know that we do not need virtual friends; we need real friends. We can choose not to pretend that Facebook is as rich as face-to-face time with true friends. How many times have we seen children in a park trying to get their mother (or father) to play with them while she (or he) chats on a smartphone or exchanges text messages? The essential question ends up not being about science but about what makes us human, what we ultimately want, and how to acquire it. And, sometimes, what needs to be discarded from our life entirely. I used to like playing "the bad boy", wild, daring, free spirit, not constricted by the staid conventions of society. have a tendency to push the envelope. is similar to blurting out. I will say or do something questionable after a moment's hesitation. For a split second I wonder if I'm going too far, if it's going to be too offensive, but then I say or do it anyway. Now that I'm aware of this, I do it less often. I've learned to notice when I'm getting that "bad boy" state of mind, which is a red flag telling me to stop and think. My friend Daffy loves to tell jokes, often inappropriately. It might be the wrong time or the wrong place or the wrong joke. For example, there are some jokes you just don't tell to the widow at a funeral. He learned to stop himself and to consider before he told a joke.

He just trained himself to do this, and it has become a habit. I, too, have learned to pay more attention to that little question, "Is this really appropriate?" Then I made a decision to start erring on the side of caution. To develop courage, Jean-Paul Sartre said to be proactive, not passive (Sartre, 1989). According to Sartre, you will never find absolute proof that your choice is the right one. In the face of this inherent uncertainty and ambiguity, the act of choosing, in itself, makes your choice the right one. The courageous person doesn't make any excuses and accepts responsibility for what he decides to do. To develop prudence, Aristotle said, don't confuse morals with math (Aristotle, 1941, bk. 1, ch. 3). This great sage tells you to avoid going to extremes--and demanding that you have the same level of certainty and precision in moral decision-making as you have in mathematics is an extreme. The prudent person realizes that it is reasonable belief, not certainty, that matters: "I don't know for sure that putting my child in day care is right, but it will be good for Timmy's social development, and it will give me a respite." Adrenaline and cortisol are building up in your bloodstream. You are now stressed, although you may still not be willing to admit it. The non-verbal filters in your brain are under assault, and you are beginning to openly display signs of irritation, frustration, and disgust. You may be prone to roll your eyes, grimace, sigh, fidget, pace, or produce other non-verbal signs that you are getting fed up. Beyond this point, most people's brains become seriously overheated, and we lose our ability to respond intentionally to our emotions and reactions. Effective problem-solving is not possible for most people past this point. Gershen Kaufman, author of Shame writes, "Shame differs greatly from the feeling of guilt. Guilt says I've done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me. Guilt says I've made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what I did was not good; shame says I am no good." Since these feelings are denied, discounted, and diminished, the child can't come to terms with her innermost feelings.