If her understanding of a situation is critical to her survival; As she attempts new feats, encourage her. This doesn't mean to let her jump off a ten-foot wall. It means to willingly agree that, yes, the jump is daring and daring ideas have growth. But if she tries it before she's taught herself to fall safely, she invites the pain of injury. When people are anxiously attached, their brains flood with activating strategies, thoughts that compel them to regain closeness. For example, they might think about their partner nonstop. Or they may dwell on their partner's good qualities while undervaluing their own. This distortion leads to panic. And when they don't hear back from their partners immediately, they worry they're being abandoned. They can shake their anxiety only when they're actively communicating with their partner. This also leads them to jump into relationships and stay in them past their expiration date because they fear being alone and worry that this is their only shot at love. Anxiously attached folks, I said, and I'm not pointing any fingers here, also engage in `protest behavior. People with anxious-attachment styles often act out in order to get their partner's attention. They might call or text an excessive number of times, threaten to leave to make the other person jealous, or withdraw and ignore phone calls to underscore a point. Did you feel drawn to: fine-tune your diet? Revisit the kinds of movement you do throughout the day? Spend more time in Mother Nature? Explore meditation or plant medicine? Learn more about sacred rituals and ceremonies?

Ancient wisdom exists to help us heal and release long-held traumas. The tools and techniques we listed in this article are also powerful methods for building greater resiliency, which will help protect you from an unpredictable, uncontrollable world. Try to select one ancient therapy to explore and then add into your daily routine, then make note of how you feel before, during, and after using it. You are either cleaning your karma, or you're creating more with every thought, feeling, and experience your body's having. You're part of the solution, or you're part of the problem. Encourage her to make her first jump off a wall where her success is firmly assured. Don't lie to her in your effort to force her into obedience; She knows when she hears the truth and when she doesn't. Early in life, she senses any lack of integrity in you because her sense of integrity is still intact. As your child learns that nothing is to be feared only respected, she gains confidence in her judgment. As she learns that every event teaches her something valuable, she anticipates the future. As she senses logic in your guidance, she welcomes your support. A child only gets nervous when she is told that something is wrong. Nothing she wants to try is wrong. However, something could be inappropriate for her age or inappropriate for her health. And what about the avoidantly attached babies who acted uninterested when their moms returned to the room, even though they were upset? They felt like they couldn't rely on their caregiver, who met only some of their needs. They develop into avoidantly attached adults: They try to minimize the pain of rejection by pretending they don't actually want to connect. They don't believe they can rely on others to meet their emotional needs, so they avoid getting too close to anyone. When intimacy increases, they try to pull away.

Those attempts to disengage are called deactivating strategies. If you've heard someone say, I'm not ready to commit or I just need space or My job is really demanding so I can't see you right now, then you've experienced avoidantly attached behavior. People with this attachment style also tend to dwell on their partner's imperfections and use those as an excuse to exit the relationship and regain independence. They fantasize about how much happier they'd be if they were single or with someone else. When I outlined the avoidant-attachment style, Vivian nodded. The only way to be part of the solution is to have the skills, awareness, knowledge, and awakening to know how to care for yourself, care for your family, and care for your community, then you can make this world a better place. Danielle needed to find a new path to healing. In her late 30s, she met and fell in love with the man of her dreams. They were married in less than a year. Ten years into their marriage, her husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. They did every conventional and alternative treatment they could, but after two years fighting the disease, he passed away. Life with her husband had been fun and bright. They had traveled the world together. They both loved going out to eat, and cooking delicious, healthy meals at home. They were into yoga and considered themselves spiritually minded in the New Age tradition. She wants to learn to love herself in everything she attempts. Show her how much you believe in her from the moment she is born. Then, the union between the two of you reflects the wisdom of God. Your child's ability to focus productively in the future depends on his determination to honor himself today. Success is not about his acquiescence to your priorities;

He discovers the talents he came here to share and the person he came here to be from honoring self. If you want to teach him the value of determination and focus, demonstrate what both have done for you. Discipline is not about what your child owes you; Discipline is about expanding one's horizons; If you can't accept this, you impede your child's progress. That sounds exactly like everyone I've ever dated, she said. Don't be too hard on yourself, I told her. This pattern is actually extremely common. It's called the anxious-avoidant loop. Anxiously attached people expect that the person they love will pull back and they in turn will need to chase them. It's what happened with Vivian's ex who lived in her apartment building. It was so exciting, Vivian said. I'd wonder: Will he call me back? Can I see him this weekend? That possibility of rejection created anxiety, a feeling Vivian confused for butterflies. They talked for hours about everything--their feelings, current events, movies--and never ran out of topics. For Danielle, losing her husband meant losing the light in her world. When he died, it felt like she had too. For the next five years, Danielle lived on autopilot, going through the motions of life but feeling disconnected from everything and everyone. She had tried working with different therapists, including grief counselors, but they didn't really help.

Danielle went to a psychotherapist, but she didn't want to talk about or analyze her experiences, thoughts, or emotions. One therapist suggested guided meditation. Danielle lost all desire to travel, go to yoga, or cook healthy meals. She lived on fast food, takeout, and a couple of glasses of wine every night. Her sister would casually suggest that Danielle start dating again, that maybe getting out and meeting a new man could help. His needs are individual, and he lets you know what they are by his enthusiasm around those themes. If he has musical abilities that he doesn't honor, why should you? A musician who says that he wouldn't be where he is if his parents hadn't pushed him is forgetting about free-will. He could have refused to practice and taken the consequences. A youngster who senses his innate gift is proud of his progress and wants to improve it. If he has setbacks along the way, he may unconsciously ask for help. But help doesn't come in the form of haranguing; Step back and consider what is happening between you and your child if the emotional connection between the two of you breaks down. If he knows that something is more important than practicing a musical instrument, he will fight like crazy for his freedom to do it. On the other hand, if he instinctively knows that practicing will bless his life in some way, he will acquiesce easily. And when the guy started pulling away, she felt it even more intensely. The avoidantly attached guy, meanwhile, was probably experiencing something else entirely. People with this attachment style fear losing their independence. So when Vivian started pulling closer, it likely reinforced his unhealthy view of relationships--and made him want to withdraw even further. If you think about it this way, I said, the anxious-avoidant loop makes sense.