Sometimes I repeat it over and over. When I do, I can feel into the idea that sitting through the discomfort is actually not so bad. In fact, over time I've come to find it far more charming than the tiring, small human' process of fleeing. <a href=''>You</a> know what's made it fun? <a href=''>Recasting</a> the experience as special. <a href=''>Common</a> to all anti-fragile practices is getting cool with the pause between where you've just been and where you desire to be. <a href=''>Five</a> Strategies to Employ Immediately after a Stressful Experience <a href=''>Don't</a> dwell. <a href=''>Do</a> something intense, tiring, and distracting immediately afterward. <a href=''>Disengage</a> your emotional brain. <a href=''>Do</a> something that envelops your rationality such as playing a game that involves working memory, spatial reasoning, or analysis. <a href=''>Your</a> activity must be interesting and demanding enough for you to be absorbed. <a href=''>Your</a> mind must not wander. <a href=''>Exercise.</a> <a href=''>Exercise</a> at or below 40 percent VO2 max. <a href=''>Go</a> for a brisk walk around the block. <a href=''>I</a> didn't know what else to do. <a href=''>I</a> looked at where she had been shot, where the bullets had gone inside her ten times? <a href=''>I</a> asked the attendant for a pair of scissors because I wanted to cut Alyssa's hair. <a href=''>I</a> didn't want them to take everything from me. <br /><br /><a href=''>I</a> thought that, if I could keep some of her hair, then I could still feel like I have a piece of Alyssa with me. <a href=''>A</a> video from the day of the shooting shows where the shooter broke the glass window in the door before shooting into the classroom. <a href=''>Alyssa</a> was in the direct line of fire and the video shows the shooter going across the hallway and coming back, which is when he killed her. <a href=''>What</a> it didn't show was Alyssa screaming, which is what I was told by her friends. <a href=''>By</a> the following day, my emotions were all over the place, but most of all at that point, I was angry. <a href=''>I</a> wanted to go to a local park where people were gathering. <a href=''>So</a> what he did next was get a representative sample of the people in the survey to play various financial trust games. <a href=''>And</a> when observing the actual behaviour of this smaller group, Trautmann found that richer players were no more likely to betray their opponents than poorer ones. <a href=''>Which</a> doesn't of course mean that he now had definitive proof that the wealthy are just as likely as the rest of us to be generous and helpful (or mean or selfish) but rather that in this particular study no measurable differences could be detected. <a href=''>As</a> ever, the watchword is caution. <a href=''>In</a> psychology, as in all aspects of life, nothing is simple. <a href=''>If</a> you do studies one way, you get one set of results; <a href=''>DICTATORS</a> AND ULTIMATUMS <a href=''>Take</a> 633 millionaires and offer them the chance to be dictators and to issue ultimatums. <a href=''>Would</a> this help us in our search for the answer to the question of whether the rich are any meaner than the rest of us? <a href=''>Well,</a> no, and - at the same time - yes. <a href=''>It's</a> an important pause we've been gifted, is how I choose to see it. <a href=''>It's</a> a quiet, very intimate space. <a href=''>We</a> usually fill it with fretting and fleeing and hating the situation and trying to fix it. <a href=''>When</a> we simply stay, we suddenly have bonus minutes - sometimes hours - in our day to simply be with ourselves and to notice how peaceful it is to be okay where we are. <br /><br /><a href=''>I</a> applystay longer' to all kinds of ordinary lowlands. I use things like bus stops as a trigger to practise staying bored. When I reach for my phone waiting for the bus (or a cab or the pedestrian light to go green) I put it back and just stand there and be bored. I watch myself being bored - the precise way I flee, the way my head jerks to the right when this particular discomfort sets in. Which is not that boring, as it happens. Ditto Sunday lulls. Listen to music while you run or walk to its rhythm. Breathe strategically. Slow your breathing rate down for fifteen minutes, aiming for about six to seven breaths per minute. Use what you hear, see, and smell. Listen to delta or theta frequency binaural beats for fifteen minutes. Close your eyes and actively listen to shamanic drum beats for fifteen minutes while focusing on the drum beats. Listen to ocean waves or other nature sounds for fifteen minutes and then whenever you can for the rest of your day. Head to a park. Look at pictures of nature. Smell fresh lemons in a thirty-seconds on-off cycle for fifteen minutes. I told my husband I had something to say even though I had no idea what it would be. I went right up to the first reporter I saw among many lined up to catch whatever scoop they could. I told her who I was and that I had something to say and she just brushed her hair off her face and said she wasn't on the air. She just brushed away her hair, like whatever.

I went down the line of reporters until I found one with a microphone and I told him I had something to say. He handed me the mic and told me I'd be on air in fifteen seconds. I don't remember what I said, but I know that it launched me on my way to advocating for school safety. Even that day, in the immediate aftermath, filled with unimaginable pain, I knew I had to do something. The next week we spent at home, sitting shiva, a Jewish ritual of mourning when you're supposed to stay home with family and friends to mourn your loss. Countless people came to our house and they kept saying the same thing. Sorry, but I can't really be any clearer than that, for the findings of this study - again, we are in the Netherlands for this one - were somewhat contradictory. Researchers managed to persuade a large private Dutch bank to allow them to invite their wealthy clients to take part in a series of games. As I say, a remarkable 633 millionaires agreed. As part of the game, they were given real money to play with or indeed to keep. Not a lot by their standards - 100 euros to be precise - but even so, a tidy sum. One group played the dictator game, so named because the lead player is in sole charge and no one else has a say. Another group played the ultimatum game, where the lead player gets to make a take it or leave it' offer, but the other player has a choice about whether to accept. <a href=''>In</a> this study, these other players were, the millionaires were told, earning less than 12,500 euros a year, so there was a huge income gap, but perhaps being so rich the millionaires didn't care about that, perhaps they'd be mean and selfish? <a href=''>Well,</a> no, in fact - or not in the first game. <a href=''>On</a> average the millionaires proved to be rather benign dictators, choosing to give away 71 euros on average, with just under half giving away the full sum. <a href=''>If</a> I find myself between chores or commitments on a Sunday afternoon, I own the nothingness of it and lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling and ride out my boredom. <a href=''>I</a> might get the gut-sinks thinking everyone else is having more fun, being more productive, or being less lonely. <a href=''>I</a> may want to grab my phone and see who has commented on my last post so that I can get a 0. <a href=''>And</a> then I watch all this going on in my body and this, too, is quietly fascinating. <br /><br /><a href=''>I</a> practised this a bit during coronavirus isolation. <a href=''>It</a> also helps to know that we actually perform better when we stay in discomfort. <a href=''>A</a> study has shown students whose assigned reading is typed in an ugly, difficult-to-read font remember more of what they read in the short-term and score higher on exams in the longer term than those whose materials are more legible. <a href=''>A</a> noticeable, annoying buzz of background noise can increase a person's creativity, shows another study. <a href=''>The</a> American Catholic monk (with distinct stoic leanings) Thomas Merton once said,One of the strange laws of the contemplative life is that in it you do not sit down and solve problems: you bear with them until they somehow solve themselves. Or until life solves them for you. The Two Sides of Cortisol A spike in the stress hormone cortisol can, contrary to expectation, leave you better able to concentrate in some contexts. The trick is timing. A group of healthy volunteers were made to sit through a test that challenged their attention. Before they took the test, some of the volunteers were given a capsule containing 10mg of hydrocortisone (an analogue of cortisol). It was given either just before the test or four-and-a-half hours before the test. Those who were given the capsule four-and-a-half hours before the test performed significantly better on the test than those who had received the capsule shortly before. MAKING THE VENDING MACHINE RELEASE THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF CHOCOLATE, EVERY TIME There is a theory that repeated exposure to a source of stress in small doses reduces the stress response to stress coming from the same or even a different source. This is known as the cross-stressor hypothesis. We want change. But I can't do it, I kept hearing in response, again and again. All right, I told them (and myself), I can. I didn't sleep for the next three months.