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There is nothing wrong with wanting to do things well or be a good worker, student, parent, partner or friend. Set yourself realistically high but not impossibly perfectionist standards. Remember that everyone is equal, regardless of ability. It is possible for someone to have greater talents or skills than you without being a better person. Stop comparing yourself to other people as this can only lead to feelings of anxiety, resentment or disappointment. If you admire someone for something they have done there is nothing wrong with thinking about the quality they possess or the way they did something, trying to identify the key components so that you can model your behaviour on theirs and learn from what they have done. Modelling yourself is not the same as comparing yourself. There may be differences in what people can do but there is no difference in the basic worth of each human being. One person is not better' than another. <a href=''>There</a> is no such thing as aglobal rating' on human goodness or badness. No one is ever all good or all bad. Good people sometimes do bad things and bad people sometimes do good things. If you behave in a way that you think better about then take the appropriate action. For example: apologize, explain and see what you can do to put things right. However, doing something you later regret does not make you a bad person, just as doing one good deed does not make someone a saint. If you keep on seeing yourself and/or others in this all or nothing way, you place unrealistic pressure on yourself and on others. Over-generalization (see pages 40-41) is where you exaggerate one aspect of your behaviour (e.g., Because I felt scared. I am a weak person). If you want to conquer your anxiety, it is important that you do not judge the whole of you on just one part of your behaviour; for example, I was scared but even though I was scared I did what needed doing. Keep things in proportion.

Blowing things out of proportion wastes time and energy. Confident people deal with situations. Remember to work on dropping the shoulds and musts, as all they do is lead you to develop a conditional outlook on yourself. Dropping shoulds, musts and have tos does not mean abdicating your responsibilities - it simply means stopping putting yourself down. Remember that self-acceptance is hard work. It requires energy and commitment and consistent work to make it happen. The ego--one component of Sigmund Freud's triad of the id, the ego, and the superego--performs a group of mental functions. When functioning well, the ego enhances everyday functioning and adaptation; when it does not, psychological symptoms and mental distress arise. Reality testing, our capacity to correctly appraise the world around us. As we consider the ego defenses carefully, we see that they cover a gradient from highly adaptive to lower levels of adaptation. Where a person sits on this continuum will reveal what we can expect of him or her, especially when stressed, as well as the person's potential to function in the world he or she lives in. At the most highly adaptive end of the ego-defense continuum are altruism; humor; a capacity to delay; sublimation, or turning instinctual drives such as sex and aggression into virtues; affiliation with and attachment to others; and proper self-assertion. The more of these we have and can mobilize in the wake of disappointment, loss, or misfortune, the better a life we will enjoy, and the more others will enjoy us as well. Regulating and controlling our drives, including sex, aggression, hunger, and attachment. Limited capabilities in this function can be a big problem. We need to be able to control our drives to ensure our safety and work and social functioning. Without some good measure of collective drive control we will not be able to realize stable civilizations. Maintaining human relationships, unfortunately often still called object relations by psychoanalysts. People are not objects, and even our inner representations of others and ourselves as "objects" begs for a more humanistic term. But the role of the ego in attachment and ongoing relationships is crucial.

Executive mental functions, including perception, memory, attention and concentration, sequencing and planning, abstraction and judgment. Impairment in any or many of these functions will produce disturbances in thought and behavior and erode a person's ability to lead a rewarding life. Last and not at all least are a set of what are called ego defenses or defense mechanisms. When these are particularly disturbed, it fosters a characteristic pattern of behaviors, known as personality disorders, including borderline and narcissistic personalities, paranoid personality, and antisocial personalities (including sociopathy). There are also Physical, Neuro-chemical Causes of Anxiety Disorders. Ultimately, the things that happen inside the human brain are still somewhat mysterious to us. While enormous progress has been made in neurochemistry in recent years, the precise way in which the chemicals inside the human brain influence our emotions and behavior is still a subject for further investigation and research. We know, however, that imbalances of certain important chemicals in the brain, such as noradrenaline and serotonin, are directly related to anxiety disorders. Just as often, if not more so, however, anxiety is not linked to any particular behavior, habit, or lifestyle. Anxiety symptoms often first begin to manifest during a person's early adulthood - a time when the brain is still undergoing major biochemical changes, as the pre-frontal cortex finishes developing and a person's neural system is transitioning from its adolescent to adult form. Oftentimes, therefore, anxiety symptoms may simply be related to difficulties regulating one's emotions and making the adjustments to the natural processes happening in one's brain, and to the lifestyle changes involved in early adulthood. Genetic factors - that is, traits inherited from the genes of one's biological parents - may also play a factor in predisposing people to anxiety or related disorders. On the other hand, it is important to remember that even people with a genetic predisposition to anxiety-related conditions are capable of successfully treating and managing anxiety. With anxiety and panic, as in other parts of life, genes are not destiny. Commit to yourself before you commit to other people, things, and situations. Be loyal to yourself first before being loyal to others. This doesn't mean being selfish and not thinking about anyone but yourself, it means if you don't have a good relationship with yourself first, and understand yourself as much as possible, then it's harder to do the same with others. If you trust yourself, others will find it easier to trust you. If you're loyal to yourself first, it'll be easier to be loyal to others. If you keep your commitments to yourself, it'll be easier to keep your commitment to others.

Solidify your relationship with yourself. Have an understanding with yourself that you're going to get your act together under your present circumstances and not wait until the right time, it feels right, or you feel like it - you're going to start now. You can't move forward and get your act together if you can't accept where you're currently at physically, mentally, and emotionally. You can't move forward if you fight it and try convincing yourself and others it's just pure coincidence that you don't have your act together. You can't move forward if you keep blaming your results and life on other people and things. You can only move forward if you, as Jocko Willink and Leif Babin say, "take extreme ownership for everything about yourself, your results, and your life." Accept it on an extreme level - the level most people are afraid to go to when they have to admit their guilt in having a hand in the current state of their life. Your results are not a coincidence. Your life is not a coincidence. Not having your act together is not a coincidence. It's the result of years and years of choosing to make the same decisions over and over. It's the result of years and years of choosing to have the same thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and habits. It's the result of being too comfortable to change. It's the result of being too much of a wuss to experience a little pain and discomfort so you can learn, grow, and become better. Live a lifestyle that is supportive of your health -there is no point making yourself ill from overwork or abusing your body. If you do this you are likely to increase your anxiety. For example, caffeine products are likely to increase your susceptibility to anxiety. Caffeine is a stimulant and, as people who are anxious produce adrenaline (as we saw earlier when considering the stress response), such stimulants help to increase the production of adrenaline. Engage in supportive relationships and carry out the life audit that follows. Work at your relationships, make sure you have a variety and cultivate them as you would your garden plants. Tending to friendships pays you back ten-fold with the love and concern others will feel and show towards you.

Set goals for yourself that are specifically designed to improve your life and diminish your anxiety. When you undertake your annual life audit, set yourself a series of goals for the year. Decide what you want to change and how you will do it. The changes that you make and what you learn about yourself all go towards your developing new life skills and increasing your confidence. Recognize that change cannot be achieved overnight and that you will need to keep on working at challenging negative attitudes about yourself. I know this has been said more than once, but that's because it is so important. Spend time and money on yourself - you are worth it! Learn to pamper yourself. You probably spoil other people, so why not yourself? Remember that you need to take responsibility for your own life. It is all too easy to blame other people or bad luck' for situations. <a href=''>However</a> bad your situation, you do have choices. <a href=''>Sometimes</a> it is just too easy to stay in avictim role'. Sometimes you have to give yourself what I call a `therapeutic kick up the backside' When things go wrong it is helpful to allow yourself to feel your feelings, to express your emotions appropriately, and to seek support from others. It is not helpful to spend time feeling sorry for yourself. There is a major difference between self-pity and self-concern. John Noble's ego generally functioned at this level, though it was prone to lose ground when intoxicated or, over time, from the mental effects of the chronic use of alcohol. He could serve others, reflect on himself, seek the support of others, delay gratification (with effort), and sublimate his self-destructive drives into physical activity and creativity. Some people employ the defenses of isolating feelings; repression of difficult matters; excessive intellectualization; reaction formation, or doing the opposite of what we actually feel; and dissociation, which leads to numbness and a mild loss of reality testing. Susan Noble had features of emotional isolation and had distanced herself from others.