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Other people are in charge of theirs. You are the expert on your life, and you get to judge what is best for you. You do not have to justify yourself to others. Others do not have to justify themselves to you. People can ask you anything they want to. You do not have to answer. Others are free to ask for help, and you are free to say no. People (including you) are allowed to change their minds. Everyone makes mistakes. They are still free to make their own choices. You do not have to have a good reason for what you feel and do. You have a right to be alone sometimes. You don't know everything, and you don't have to. You have a right to your own opinions, and others have a right to theirs. You have a right to protest criticism and unfair treatment. We need to have compassion for ourselves. We need to acknowledge the limitations and problems that ADD gives us without blaming ourselves or being judgmental. We may sometimes overdo the self-pity if it helps immobilize us, but we need selfcompassion; it's a matter of balance. We all are doing self-talk all the time; often we just aren't aware of it. Self-talk can be either negative or positive.

I had an epiphany a number of years ago. I don't know what caused it but it was wonderful. It involved self-talk. I was opening a jar of popcorn kernels, and, of course, I spilled them all over the kitchen floor. And I heard myself saying to myself, in my head, "Oh, I need to pick those up." That's all. Nothing about Stupid!', orClumsy!', or You should be more careful!' orYou can't do anything right.' The old tapes did not turn on. It was so amazing and wonderful that I really noticed it. Then I simply and peacefully picked up the popcorn kernels, because they really did need picking up. I didn't make it into a big deal. "It is as it is." Quite an experience. That's my favorite example of self-talk. Many of my other examples are not as pleasant as that one. Perfectionists get hung up on the small details, needing every part of theirs or someone else's work, social occasion, relationship, attitude or appearance etc. to be perfect. Why set impossible standards that just create frustration and stress? Instead of focusing on what, in a situation, isn't perfect, focus on what aspects are good. Force yourself to look for the positive aspects and focus on them. Comparing yourself to someone else puts focus on the wrong person. Make a conscious effort to free yourself from negative comparisons and instead focus on your own qualities and pursue your own goals in your own way. Find inspiration without comparison.

See other people as role models to learn from and inspire you rather than people who are better' or have more than you. <a href=''>You</a> have the right to ask for help. <a href=''>Others</a> can give advice, but they don't make your decisions. <a href=''>You</a> are not responsible for other people's problems. <a href=''>Success</a> is not a matter of chance or luck; it's based on hard work, dedication, and the ability to execute the right decisions at the right times. <a href=''>Whether</a> you work a corporate job or are an entrepreneur, many of the business decisions you make will require that you have a sharp analytical mind. <a href=''>Feeding</a> your body the right nutrients is vital in providing your brain with the nourishment it needs to function at its full capacity. <a href=''>Conversely,</a> feeding your body the wrong things can make you sluggish and slow down your ability to make the right decisions needed to succeed, survive, and thrive in business.3 For the most part, building wealth and maintaining a level of success takes more than working 40 hours a week. <a href=''>At</a> the end of it all, you may be feeling fatigue and want to take a power nap to recoup just to find yourself even more tired than when you began. <a href=''>Well,</a> according to WebMD, a walk or light jog may be better than a nap for boosting energy and fighting fatigue. <a href=''>Other</a> studies have also shown that morning workouts are best because they help your body produce more adrenaline at the beginning of the day, which helps you power through your routine to give you more energy throughout the day.4 So there you have it; the single most effective way to improve your life is to think positively. <a href=''>But</a> now it's up to you; you have to make a conscious decision to think positively. <a href=''>You</a> have to choose to think positively. <a href=''>As</a> Shakespeare wrote,Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.' Everything happens how it happens, and it's up to you to choose how you want to respond to it. It's up to you to find the good; to be positive regardless of what's happening around you. You may be wondering, though, how long it takes to change a habit of negative thinking into a habit of positive thinking. Ten days? Three weeks? A few months? It's different for everyone; depending on our circumstances, we each become more positive at our own pace.

You can think of moving from negative to positive thinking as being rather like learning a new language while at the same time trying to stop using your native language. You don't expect to be fluent in your new language in a week or two and you don't expect your native language - negative thinking - to go away completely. Other people are not responsible for solving your problems. It is usually best to take a direct approach. I may be stating the obvious, but there is no way you can build wealth and increase your net worth if you're sick. The foods you decide to eat and the amount of exercise you do will have a direct effect on your health. Eating right and exercising will not only keep you out of the hospital, but it will also keep you away from needing to take medications that usually have many side effects, possibly including fatigue (among other things that are counter to what you need to be on top of your game). Often a new patient will be telling me something, and they'll comment something like "stupid", referring to themself. This is different from saying "That was a stupid thing to do" or "I felt stupid." This is name calling. I immediately interrupt the story and we talk about the name calling. Then I ask them not to do it anymore. That is a quick specific therapy intervention. The "stupid" is an example of self-talk, except they said it out loud. But clearly this is the kind of thing they tend to say to themself. I ask them to begin to pay attention to that self-talk, and to make a note of it anytime they catch it. This process is called `spotting'. I ask them not to say it anymore in our sessions, because it bothers me to hear them abusing themselves. I don't ask them to stop it in the self-talk, in their head; that is too big a step to ask. The first step to stopping it is to practice the spotting, noticing it every time they call themself a name. This will eventually lead to stopping it.

Spotting is part of the way to change a bad habit. Eventually, I will also try to get them to stop saying, "That was a stupid thing to do." because it's too close to saying "I'm stupid." It would not be a good thing to say to a child, so why say it to yourself? We can say, "Well, I think I've learned not to do that again." or "I wish I had done that differently; I will next time." "Stupid" is just an ugly and unnecessary word. Assertive communication is something you can choose or not choose to do, depending on the situation. Sometimes it's easier and better for a relationship to let an issue pass. Some issues are just not important enough to be worth the investment in time and energy. You can tell the other person what you prefer, but then let go of the attempt to change them. For example, if your spouse leaves towels on the floor and has for years, they may be very reluctant to change. It's OK to ask for change, but doing so repeatedly may just lead to conflict. You can choose to let it go for the sake of the relationship. As stated earlier, maintaining good habits in one area may trickle down to other areas in your life. It's no secret that on your journey to greatness many obstacles may try to stop you from achieving your goals. However, you must keep going when the going gets tough. This level of perseverance can be taught and trained. Financial problems can lead to health problems and vice versa--a cycle that can become a costly catch-22. Financial stress can cause anxiety, migraines, insomnia, and other physical ailments. It also can mean skipping routine medical checkups, not discovering essential issues about your health, and making poor dietary and other lifestyle choices. Over time, this can lead to more significant, costlier health problems, which in turn can produce ever-greater financial distress.7 When a person is not open to change, it can help to make a personal decision about what is more important to you: the need to make this change, or the relationship? For example you may really want your daughter to stop smoking, but no amount of discussion has made a difference. If you value having a smoke-free environment more, you may choose to spend less time with her.