It is a combination of time with active recovery practices that has the potential to sustain the relationship. Answering the following questions as honestly as you can will help you recognize your motives and help you decide whether or not you are ready to be sexual with your partner. To aid in this initial decision, know that nearly all sex addiction specialists recommend an initial ninety-day period of no sexual behavior in early recovery. The purpose of this abstinence contract, which is really a verbal agreement, is not to punish either the addict or you, but to help the addict learn how to better articulate his feelings and thoughts without using sex as a medicator or fix. It is essential for him to learn new skills for getting his emotional and relational needs met. This ninety-day sabbatical also affords you time to begin your healing. While some women say the sex between them and their partner is still good, this is not a timeout that focuses on the physicality of sex but a break from the physical act to rebuild trust, emotional intimacy, and safety in your relationship. Also know there is nothing particularly magical at ninety days. The plaque migrates to the eyes and damages their small blood vessels, so people slowly lose their vision. As these scabs build in other blood vessels, they prevent blood from flowing to the various organs. Eventually, one of those blood vessels is completely blocked, and a part of the organ that the blood vessel supplies will die. Studies show that weight loss can decrease blood sugars and correct diabetes. It seems, then, we have the ability to change the course of the disease, and with the reduction of diabetes, there will be a reduction of cardiovascular disease. Consider what you are doing to your body to put yourself at risk for diabetes. Heart Disease Let's talk about heart disease a little more, beginning with how it develops. Cardiovascular disease, often referred to as coronary artery disease or heart disease, is the formation of plaque in the coronary arteries. These arteries sit on the surface of the heart and supply blood to the heart so the heart can pump blood to the rest of the body. In a community where 75% of children live in single-parent homes and 90% of these families need government assistance to chip in for free or reduced lunches, KIPP is seeking to do the impossible. How has the KIPP School system fared?

Extraordinarily well. The KIPP School system has expanded to 50 locations across the United States. Recruitment is designed via a lottery system, where parents earn the chance to send their kids to KIPP. Because, these children are almost guaranteed to leave their poverty behind. Furthermore, more than 80% of these KIPP graduates will go to college. Before KIPP, few children would find the opportunity to thrive and advance past their upbringing. They have a realistic chance to leave their poverty behind. What does it take for these kids though? The pain may still be so great, and recovery behavior so new that you need more time before you are ready to pursue sexual intimacy. The coupleship needs emotional intimacy before sexual intimacy feels safe. There are many issues that will influence one's readiness, and it is very likely the idea of healthy sexuality is so foreign it needs to be navigated with a therapist. When being sexual with your partner is an option for you it is critical that you approach it from a place of strength. Should I Stay or Should I Leave? Many women have threatened to leave a relationship if their suspicions are validated or the behavior reoccurs; If family and friends know of your situation, they may encourage you either to leave or to disregard his behavior and stay. Regardless of past threats, to leave or stay is a decision that you want to make from a position of inner strength, not because of emotional reactivity (a time of emotional overload interfering with the ability to think through the situation clearly). If you are just beginning your own recovery, you don't have to make such a major decision right now. When you feel as if your head and heart are spinning, make as few life-changing decisions as you can. We often talk about these coronary arteries as the plumbing for the heart pump. When there is plaque buildup in the pipes, blood can't effectively flow through them and the heart can't pump well.

Then there would be limited blood flow to the brain and other essential organs, causing damage to those organs. So, keeping the coronary arteries in good health is key to overall health. How do we get plaque in our pipes, though? The endothelium is the inner layer of cells in all blood vessels, including the pipes in the heart--the coronary arteries. The endothelium is responsible for dilating the blood vessels to accommodate changes in activity level. When we exert ourselves, our blood vessels widen to allow more blood to flow through them, so it can reach the organs that need it. When we develop risk factors for heart disease, such as high cholesterol, high blood pressure, or smoking, the endothelium of the blood vessels becomes damaged. This is called endothelial dysfunction, which is the beginning of atherosclerosis (also known as coronary artery disease or heart disease). How come the KIPP School is so wildly successful with their teaching? The information about the KIPP school is provided by Malcolm Gladwell's #1 best-selling article, Outliers. Let's see what a typical day looks like: They begin school at 7:25 am. This is earlier than any average school start time across the United States. From 7:25 am to 7:55 am, they are in a Thinking Skills class. 90 minutes of English 90 minutes of Math (For 5th graders, they spend 2 hours every day in Math. 60 minutes of Science 60 minutes of Social Science It is easy to believe that the problem is totally him and that leaving him or getting a divorce is the quick, simple solution: If he was just out of my life, it would be such a relief. But quitting the relationship out of spite causes more problems in the long run.

I'm not saying you should stay in the relationship. I'm saying if you take some time, things will become clearer. When you immerse yourself in finding your voice and your strengths and can objectively assess how seriously your partner is engaging in his recovery practices, you will have clarity. With the last discovery, and they have been going on for over thirty-eight years, I knew I was leaving. And he knew it too. I always threatened but this was different. I was really done. But he did what he could. When the endothelium is damaged, it becomes rigid and does not dilate easily. This damaged endothelium becomes a site for more plaque being deposited. Then platelets (which form clots) come to the site because they see damage to the blood vessel and start repairing the lining. This process of endothelial dysfunction and subsequent platelet adhesion (clot formation) creates the beginning of an atheromatous plaque, plaque forming on the insides of our artery walls. Think of this plaque like a scab on the body when it's injured. But unlike the outer surfaces of our bodies, where it does not matter how big the scab is because space is infinite, in a blood vessel it matters a great deal. The larger the scab, the more blood flow is obstructed. Blood can't get where it needs to go. As we develop more risk factors or the risk factors we have progress, more plaque adheres to the scab, and it gets bigger and bigger. When the plaque closes off the blood vessel completely, a person has a heart attack. 60 minutes of Music (2x/week) 75 minutes of Orchestra (Yes, this is different from the Music class.

And, yes, everyone does Orchestra. By 5 pm, all classes are over. A majority of American schools end their day at 3 pm. KIPP students spend a total of 9 1/2 hours going to classes, eating lunch and having recess. The average student spends a little over 6 1/2 hours at school. What else happens in their day? Children will participate in after-school homework clubs, go to detention and play on sports teams. KIPP students are often at the school until 7 pm at night. He did what he never did before. He sought help and he sought the right help. I was honest, I told him I just couldn't stay but I needed time. I think he thought because I didn't move out right away he had a chance. I even attended therapy sessions with him. I wanted help to understand, and I wanted him to feel I supported his recovery. But I didn't feel an ounce of love anymore. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him even if he was totally changed. It took me about a year and half, but I did leave. He is the father of my children and I hope he embraces recovery. There are two types of heart attacks. One type is where a small plaque or scab sitting in a coronary artery suddenly and randomly ruptures (explodes) in a blood vessel, and a 30 percent blockage of a blood vessel becomes a 100 percent blockage.