The affirmation she used I wrote an affirmation for her and told her to use it and follow the lead that would come to her within the next few days. I also advised that she refrain from contacting the man she intended to marry and to just wait for inner guidance. Many fight against statements like this their entire life. This effectively shows how powerful negative comments can be. The little word not has a powerful effect. It draws boundaries for good and for ill. I come to you, flood of water, I offer you my fury against the hurt. Take it into the deep sand, Lead it into a foreign land. This spell would clearly work best if spoken by a flowing body of water, thereby incorporating the water's energy. If such a body of water is not present or the person whom you are trying to support cannot go to one, you can easily speak the spell with a mental image of a flowing body of water that carries the pain away. Creating a sense of safety within your own skin is just the same. To access self-love, disengage from harshness in your self-talk, but not from reality. Affirm your positive qualities, but refrain from delusion and self-deception. Be your own compassionate truth-teller. Love's second precondition is connection. This is no less true for self-love than for positivity resonance with others. Truly loving yourself requires that you slow down enough to truly meet yourself heart to heart, letting the heart of your I resonate with the heart of your me.

Allow time to reflect on your inherent strivings for goodness. Tune in to the messages your body sends you. You can't simply rush from one activity to the next, attending forever outward, and expect to fall into self-love. The part of you, or your partner, that wants to fight knows exactly where to wound you most. It knows the most hurtful things to say. Hurtful words are apt to trigger defensiveness and that tends to make arguments worse. It is a great achievement to resist the urge to fight back, but if occasionally we manage to do so, we get a great reward. Not only do you defuse an argument or prevent a situation getting even more hurtful, but you find yourself face to face with your own sensitivity, you get to see very clearly what you value and you can also see your partner's position more clearly. Instead of getting lost and angry in a fight, you are free to ask how you can stand up for your values rather than fall into a row. Defensive reactions are mostly quick, automatic responses arising from the unconscious. We can't stop them arising, but instead of immediately acting them out, we can turn them into an alarm bell. If I am being defensive that means there is something I value being threatened. I have to consciously take responsibility to look after myself, then turn towards the defensiveness and ask, What am I defending? <a href=''>There</a> is direct evidence that creativity is associated with a state of low-focus neural activity. <a href=''>Colin</a> Martindale at the University of Maine has monitored cortical arousal with an encephalograph, or EEG, in which electrodes attached to the scalp register the overall level and type of activity in the brain. <a href=''>When</a> people are more aroused, thesebrainwaves' are of a higher frequency, and are more random, more desynchronised'. <a href=''>When</a> they are relaxed (but still awake), their brainwaves are slower and more synchronised: the so-calledalpha' and theta' waves. <a href=''>Martindale</a> recorded the EEGs of people taking either an intelligence test - one that required analytical thought - or a creativity test - one which asked people to discover a remote associate that linked apparently disparate items, or to generate a wide range of unusual responses to a question such asWhat could you use an old newspaper for? Cortical arousal was seen to increase equally for both groups when they were taking the intelligence test, relative to a relaxed baseline. When subjects were working on the creativity test, the EEG of the uncreative subjects was the same as for the intelligence test;

In a follow-up study, Martindale divided the creative task into two phases: one in which people were required to think up a fantasy story, and a second in which they wrote it down. He argued that the first stage, which he called the phase of inspiration', would rely on creative intuition, while the second, theelaboration' phase, would involve a more conscious, focused attempt to work out the implications of the storyline and arrange them into some coherent sequence. As predicted, those subjects who were judged to be less creative showed the same high level of arousal in both phases, while the creative subjects showed low arousal during inspiration, and high during the elaboration. Jay still faced the bullies but he stopped walking like he was defeated and started walking with confidence. Eventually they got tired of Jay hitting back and left him alone. At times, Jay still worried about his future but Mr. Erwin would remind him not to worry about his greatness in the future. Just be great today. God will take care of the outcome. As a result, Jay spent less time worrying about being a famous filmmaker and more time focusing on making great movies. He posted them online and one just happened to be seen by a professor at a film school that offered Jay a scholarship. His grades still weren't great but his films were, and he was more clear about his purpose and less worried about his future than ever. Despite all the victories he was experiencing, that didn't stop him from having suicidal thoughts when his girlfriend broke up with him Here is the affirmation she used: I know there is a principle of right action in life. I know the Life Principle in me seeks to express itself harmoniously, peacefully and joyously through me. I claim definitely that the Supreme Intelligence, which guides the cosmos and governs the planets in their courses, responds to me and guides me to make the right decision. I am now turning over this idea or request to the Deeper Mind within me where the Supreme Intelligence dwells, and I follow the lead which comes clearly and definitely into my conscious, reasoning mind. She repeated this affirmation frequently during the day and, particularly, prior to sleep. On the third night she had a vision which startled her.

Her deceased brother appeared to her in a vivid dream and warned her not to marry the man in San Francisco, saying that he was only going to use her, get her money, and, finally, would not marry her. The voice said, Go back to your husband, and then the brother disappeared. This is extrasensory perception at work. You can also use a bowl of water and let it run down the drain at the end. A postcard of a river or a waterfall can also be helpful if the person can hardly move or is bedridden. A little creativity is sometimes necessary. Traditional healers are generally very careful when it comes to soothing pain. They often go to work only after a doctor has examined things and has determined a diagnosis (because it is critical to know the exact kind of pain). It would not be very helpful, for instance, if one tried to soothe the pain of appendicitis, since its cause would not be eliminated this way. Stress and Similar Conditions Our ancestors certainly experienced some stress, but their worries primarily centered around physical health and the dangers that threatened life and limb. Nevertheless, spells against fright, terror, and similar conditions exist, like the following spell. These can be used for heightened stress and mental ailments. Indeed, you might let rushing about serve as your cue to switch gears. Self-love, we've seen, is not the same as having an inflated, narcissistic view of yourself or high self-esteem. These often hinge on good outcomes, making you rigidly guard against negative feedback. When bad news crashes through, it sends you into a free fall. Self-love, by contrast, is steadier, more peaceful. This inherent calm arises because it's not predicated on good outcomes. You can learn to be a friend to yourself through thick and thin, through good times and bad.

Indeed, it's in the toughest times that harboring compassion toward yourself makes the biggest difference. Practice standing by your own side during hard times, with openness and goodwill, and you'll appreciate the steady security self-love offers you. It safeguards you from plunging into despair. What is it that I value and feels threatened? Why does it need defending? What is a better conscious way to stand up for my values? As we saw in Question One, defensiveness is one of Dr Gottman's signs of trouble in a relationship. We can see here why that is. If I can stop being defensive, I can see my own values and sensitivities more clearly and I can begin to understand my partner better. When I give up being defensive, it doesn't mean I give in to every argument or do anything I am told to do. It just means I don't need to get into a fight about it. Sometimes it means I can have a rational discussion instead. Sometimes it means I can just stay good-humoured, let the matter drop and wait for a better time to discuss it. In article 6 I argued that the productive use of intuition required a variable focus of attention; Martindale's results show that this fluidity is mirrored in the physiological functioning of the brain. Creative people are those who are able to relax and `let the brain take the strain'. The classic description of creativity divides it into four phases: preparation, incubation, illumination and verification. If the problem in hand is routine this mode will suffice to generate a solution. However, if the problem is more unusual, this way of knowing will result in a series of blind alleys. Activity rushing through tightly delineated channels will not be able to spread out broadly or slowly enough to make simultaneously active the remote associations on which the creative solution rests.