Perhaps all this freedom of expression is no service to the child, and even less so to his parents. There are several possible explanations of why dangerous acting out is unlikely to be a problem in this kind of therapy. First of all, the therapist has carefully refrained from praising any form of behavior or from egging on the child to say or do any particular thing. Hence, the child is more apt to feel responsible for his expressions; That won't help you, it can actually hinder you. It can take a beautiful day and turn it into a sad or frustrating day. Remind yourself of why you are making changes, and that should help you stay on track as well. Little by Little Some things take time. Some changes can be implemented immediately, and other changes may take months or years. Keep patient. Keep focused. Take the time that you need to make the changes that you want. If you would like a new career, go about it the way that best suits you. That's when she saw what was missing. If someone as tapped into cutting-edge wellness as she was couldn't find balance, she knew we needed a better solution. One day, Jan and a trusted colleague were talking about the latest health trends and they got it. According to the Centers for Disease Control, $847 billion is spent annually on stress, and 60 percent of all health care costs are attributable to preventable, lifestyle-related diseases like obesity. With her trademark instincts, Jan pinpointed stress as the next frontier in healthy lifestyle management. Like exercise and nutrition in decades past, it was time for stress to come out of the shadows.

Too many people were craving balance, without any sustainable, proven resource to get them there. She realized it was time to create a lifestyle approach to managing stress--not just another fad diet but an accessible, practical, whole-life system to help people take control of their busy lives and regain their balance. Stress is the new fat. It makes us sick, depletes us emotionally, and diminishes our quality of life. Second, the child is usually quite aware that the therapy sessions are different from daily life. The case of Fred, cited above, is an illustration of this. In the third place, prohibitions experienced by the child in his life situation have not removed his need for a particular behavior, however disruptive. If the therapist were to become another agent of society, the child would merely again be faced with his old problem. To be accepted as a person despite one's glaring deficiencies seems to be an important part of therapy. It is therefore necessary for the child to bring his real feelings, no matter how anti-social, out into the open, when he feels safe enough to do so. He cannot be sure that the therapist really accepts him until he has tested him out by demonstrating rejected aspects of his personality. A fourth reason why play therapy is unlikely to promote socially unacceptable conduct outside the sessions is the fact that the therapist's acceptance seems to reduce hostility rather than to increase it. The therapist's careful following along with the child as he works through his feelings appears to affect their deeper determinants. And finally, the therapy hour is not unlimited in its freedom. If you are financially able to make a switch, and you are sure about your decision, go for it. If you need to stay in your job and work on the side to get into the career or business that you would like to be in, then that will be your best plan. No need to add financial stress to your situation by jumping the gun or being impatient. If your goal is to gain weight, lose weight, save money, or pay off a debt, make a plan and then work your plan. Reward yourself along the way if you need that type of motivation, but don't set yourself back in doing so. Remember you are creating a better you, a better life, and you don't want to fall into old unhealthy patterns or repeat them.

There is always a need to speak less and listen more. When you listen more, you get to learn more things as opposed to when you speak more where you have no time to listen and learn. When a person is listening more than speaking, his thinking process becomes effective and he gets into an overwiring phase. A person's brain is the most powerful memory machine that has recently been discovered. Jan set out to assemble the top minds to tackle this problem. Her first stop was Dr Andrew Shatte, renowned psychologist and research professor in the College of Medicine at the University of Arizona and Brookings Institution fellow. Author of The Resilience Factor, Andrew is the foremost expert on the topic of resilience. He has spent more than twenty years researching resilience and developing skills to boost it, and has established resilience programs that are operating around the world. Andrew's work had shown that resilience is a foundational skill that can have powerful effects in many settings, including preventing depression in children at risk, helping young adults overcome setbacks as they enter college life, and improving productivity and performance at organizations ranging from NASA to Fortune 100 companies. Given those dramatic results, Jan and Andrew realized that resilience was the obvious antidote to stress. Andrew had an unrivaled track record in helping people build this critical skill. What we feel and do in response to adversity (our resilience) is dictated by our habitual thoughts--what Andrew calls our thinking styles. We build resilience by changing how we think. Andrew isolated the core thinking styles that impact stress and developed concrete, proven tools for changing how we respond in the face of challenges. It is to a consideration of this aspect of play therapy that we now turn. The Problem of Limits The therapist establishes no limits upon the child's verbal expression of his feelings. Some feelings, however, are not permitted to be directly expressed in action. Anger, for example, may not be released by breaking windows or otherwise destroying the playroom. Certain activity channels are available for it.

The child may bang away on the floor, hit the clay, shout, throw unbreakable toys, and so on. One of the things that a child learns in therapy is that it is not necessary to deny one's feelings, because there are acceptable outlets for them. In this sense, therapy can be a socializing experience. The differences between limits in the playroom and those outside it are twofold. It can process more information in a minute than you could account for in twenty years. That is why we need to talk less and listen more, that way more and more information can be processed by the brain. There are many other reasons why we need to talk less and listen more. A person who listens more than he speaks is kind of considered as a `negotiator'. I think by listening more we get to understand the other person giving us the reason to speak less. It is easier said than done to talk less and listen more when you are a person who can't control his tongue. As I said, it's a skill and you need to practice it. Otherwise it seems that, one tends to speak less and listen more, if he is a person with average IQ and he doesn't like to speak much. However, if a person has something to say he will surely say it. But most of the time it happens that people force the other person to speak a lot just like if the last word touches the other person's mouth, then you have lost the case. The single most important place to start getting leverage on our stress isn't in what we do--it's in how we think. That gave the program the chops to help people remedy the bad (ie, stress), which was great. But Andrew knew from his work in positive psychology that in order to make it stick, we also needed to dial into the positive. We forge resilience by changing how we think, and we cement it by adding natural stress buffers, like experiencing the positive emotions--happiness, contentment, pride, and joy--and a sense of meaning and purpose in work and in life. The breakthrough skills he created to clean up the bad and root you firmly in the good--many of which you'll read about in this article--formed the basis of the meQuilibrium program. Between Jan and Andrew, we had the mind skills and real-life application covered, but there was still more.

Stress has tentacles in every area of our lives: our minds, our daily lives, and, of course, our bodies. We knew we needed someone with expertise in tackling that kind of interconnected web, and who better than one of the nation's foremost integrative medicine physicians? That's when we connected with Dr Adam Perlman, executive director of Duke Integrative Medicine and one of the leading voices in revolutionizing medical care. Adam's medical expertise provided the essential skills to hit the biggest manifestations of stress in the body (think insomnia or overeating), and his clinical and experiential knowledge of the powerful mind/body/lifestyle connection helped us tie the whole program together. First, the playroom limits are far fewer. Second, there is acceptance of the child's need to break them, and he is not rejected for having this need. If there is to be any transfer of training from the therapy hour to the subsequent life situations, there ought to be some resemblance between them. Limits seem to serve this function. Among the desires not permitted to be acted out directly are destructive impulses toward the therapist. The child may say anything he wishes to the therapist, and these feelings are accepted and reflected like any others. He is, however, not allowed a physical attack upon the therapist. The most obvious reason for this limitation is that it saves wear and tear on fragile therapists. But there are equally important reasons from the child's point of view. First of all, let us consider that the therapist's acceptance of the child is an instrument by means of which the child may come to self-acceptance. What they need to do is no longer say anything in order to restrict the lack of flow of thoughts through their mouths. One way to avoid criticism is to listen and forget what was said, then repeat what was said as if it were his own. Most of the times, a person will get the answer to his/her question if he/she was listening. Sometimes when a person asks a lot of questions, he has already prepared a response in his mind as to what the person will say. If he has listened more he would have understood what the other person was saying and it would simply flow on like a river. Everyone likes to hear people who speak less and listen more.