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Pay attention to your thinking, and change it in areas that you don't have peace. By doing so, you'll bring more happiness into your life and to those around you. Hard times can serve as a reminder that our relationships are a gift. Loss can remind us that life itself is a gift. And don't forget to love yourself. You deserve it. You are a gift. I love life, and life loves me. I have lived and loved. Immediate desires for pleasure and avoidance seem far stronger than our desire to be successful, happy, purposeful, and accomplished. Our desire to avoid work and to check emails and text messages in the moment is stronger than our desire to win in life. At noon, against every natural desire in my body, I went to the gym for an hour to lift weights and hit the bag. Howard Cosell once said, Sports is human life in microcosm. So is a workout. Within the 30-60 minutes of training are moments where we want to take it easy, even quit. No one else will know if we take a shortcut, skip a set, even skip an entire exercise, but we'll know. Not doing what we set out to do, going easy on ourselves, kills our soul, our resolve. It diminishes who we are, our reliability, our manhood. It seems so insignificant, but the man that takes a shortcut in the gym will take a shortcut in the mountains or at work or in his marriage. Well, tell me, short of taking out the entire intestine and examining it under the microscope--actually an electron microscope might be necessary if we were to discover a tumor in its earliest phase--well short of that, how can he or you or the other doctors be sure, I mean 100 percent certain, I don't have cancer?

When his physicians challenge Arnie's approach to disease and talk about probabilities, they may be on firm scientific footing, but as far as Arnie is concerned they have lost their case. You see, supposing it is 99. Just that little bit, and that would be all it would take to have the disease. And, of course, there is no test anywhere as accurate as that as far as the intestine is concerned. Arnie is also well prepared for the other medical ploy, the one that suggests the problem is a question not of cancer but of anxiety. He made that clear to me at our first meeting. I know you are a psychiatrist, Dr Kleinman. But, you see, my problem is not psychiatric but medical. I have lots of gastrointestinal symptoms, and I'm worried I may have cancer, cancer of the intestine. In that process, what are the chances of the right sperm meeting the right egg? One in four hundred quadrillion. And none of this takes into account the multiplication that takes place as a result of this process happening not only with your parents but also your grandparents, great-grandparents, and every generation that came before you. When you think about it, scientists' estimate of one in four trillion sounds conservative. And as Dr Binazir says, A miracle is an event so unlikely as to be almost impossible. By that definition, I've just proven that you are a miracle. The tricks I perform on stages around the world are commonly referred to as magic, but are really just clever illusions. But that doesn't mean magic isn't real. This can be the beginning of a magical, creative life. Getting here required adventuring into the dark together. I am healed.Empathy, however, encourages seeing the other person's perspective and seeking to know their experience.

It also inspires reciprocal empathy, which is important in promoting I-sharing experiences and conquering existential isolation. Encourage your clients to develop empathy in their relationships. THE HANDS: CULTIVATING VIRTUES Our default reactions to events and to other people is self-protective and self-serving. But virtues, when practiced, are transformative--they can help people overcome their natural egocentric inclinations. Virtues are behaviors wherein people regulate or control these impulses and instead act for the well-being of others, such as altruism, sacrifice, forgiveness, or humility. There are at least three pathways by which virtues help make life meaningful. First, they serve a relational function. Nearly all virtues are inherently social. These things seem unrelated but I beg to differ. If you've ever met a man who is simply excellent, he is so in both the minutiae and the monumental. We've already covered it but it begs another mention; When we're in the gym we're literally training to become tougher, more resilient. Some miss this lesson and spend their workouts gazing at their biceps in the mirror. Others, the Jocko's, the Ali's, the Tim Kennedy's, the GSP's of the world, they take lessons from training that most gloss over. It isn't merely about building a stronger, healthier body, it's a matter of mental toughness that will help you in every other facet of life. The act of doing something that you may not feel like doing, that's painful, makes you a better man. A workout will pit two voices against one another in your head. One wants ease and comfort, and the other--your true voice--wants pain and discomfort, those things necessary for improvement. The studies have been normal, so far that is.

Anyway, my, I mean the last doctor I saw, Dr Lewis, a surgeon, recommended I see a psychiatrist, because he--like my regular physician and the other specialists I have visited--thinks my concern is, well, unreasonable. I mean they feel I am obsessed by this fear that I may have cancer. Now that's the problem. I know I'm anxious about this, but wouldn't you be if you felt like I do that there was the possibility of a cancer--potentially treatable if caught early--but you couldn't convince your doctors? Arnie Springer does not have a delusion about intestinal cancer. I'm not entirely sure it's there. In fact, often I think it can't be there with all these negative tests. But then I began to get my doubts. The more you go into this thing, the more doubts you have. My hope is that you learned a lot along the way, finding your way through that darkness, and that this journey has left you better off than when you first began. Now you know most of my secrets. I guess we're both magicians now.For example, in a six-month study of more than 100 couples, participants reported meaning in life at the beginning and end of the study and indicated every two weeks throughout the study their level of forgiveness of their partner following an emotional hurt. Relationships are what gives life so much meaning, and forgiveness helps repair those relationships so they can once again provide meaning. In the same way, humility can benefit relationships. Research has found that when both partners in a relationship act humbly, they have lower stress and depression, and better relationship satisfaction and health indicators--even during periods of stressful transition or conflict. Because of this, people want to be in, and maintain their relationship with, virtuous partners, such as those with high levels of humility. It was even found that people rate humble potential dating partners as more attractive than arrogant ones. Further studies have shown that people are more committed to and satisfied with virtuous (humble) partners: When participants in a study felt like their partner was humble, they reported greater relationship satisfaction with that partner. Another way virtues provide meaning is through an expansive or transcendent function; Being grateful for gifts or benefits that people receive shifts the focus from themselves in the immediate moment.

By practicing gratitude, your clients broaden their perspective to consider the positive roles that other people, God, or fate have played in their lives. Discomfort is necessary for growth, something that's especially blatant in the gym. When the voices start pitching their cases is when you do as Jocko does and shut them both out. Thoughts that follow feelings can kill dreams. So don't allow them air. Back home after the workout, my weaker voice began to make some noise. I wanted to relax and turn on the TV, but that wasn't a part of my schedule. And I set my schedule when I was thinking clearly, the evening before, so rather than listening to this weakness reason, I shut it out and followed the plan. Today I won. I've lost so many bloody days that it's ridiculous. It's when I think, reason, and listen to what I feel like doing rather than doing what I plan that I get in trouble. Now when I read the medical literature on the detection of cancer, I'm appalled, I mean really appalled. There are so many possibilities for false negatives [tests that give a misleadingly normal result by failing to detect existing pathology]. The science is really not all that good. And this probability thing is, well, for a physicist, deeply problematic. I mean, in physics we work with laws. Biomedicine doesn't have any real laws. Now probability is good enough if you're estimating the frequency of a problem, its prevalence in a group, perhaps. But probability is really unacceptable, at least to me it is, when you want absolute confidence about an individual, ie, me. Indeed, Arnie Springer occasionally can laugh at his intense preoccupation with intestinal cancer.