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Life does not hand us a purpose, though it often falls into our laps in the form of an interest or a job that intrigues us, that challenges us to learn it, become better at it, and succeed at it. Where You Should Already Be A disciplined mind leads to happiness, and an undisciplined mind leads to suffering. Discipline is efficiency. It enables you to get things done in a better, faster manner without getting sidetracked. Develop discipline, and you become more effective. You become more productive. Logically, this should lead to our knowing that the sooner we develop discipline in our lives the faster we'll achieve what we want to achieve and become who we want to become. What if you'd developed such discipline five years ago? We're told that we shouldn't regret things, that we should accept what's happened and move forward. Share and Receive What Makes You Happy Most everyday situations that you find yourself in are ordinary and unremarkable. But just because the circumstances are ordinary doesn't mean that the pheromone molecules have turned off. You continually share pheromone molecules back and forth with the people you are near. The question is, what molecules are you sharing? You have thoughts, feelings, memories, and beliefs active within you wherever you go. So does everyone else; You are sending molecules to them, and they are sending molecules to you. Are you sending molecules that bring you more of what you want? Are you interpreting the molecules you receive in a way that brings you more of what you want?

Posture: When you sit or stand, you must maintain a relaxed posture with a straight back and relaxed shoulders. It displays that you are feeling comfortable. Space: Give others enough space to make themselves feel comfortable in a group discussion. You must not invade the private space of the other members of the group. Lean forward: you must lean slightly towards the speaker in order to express interest in what is being said. It also displays that you are an active listener. If you lean behind when someone is speaking, it expresses boredom and disinterest in the content. Hand gestures: When you are talking to another person, you must use your hands appropriately in order to explain a point or lay emphasis. You should not swirl your hands as if you are dancing. Accurate hand movements and the direction of your palms emphasize the words with greater assurance and credibility. Rather they focus upon different elements in their explanatory accounts: the person, the setting, the illness, or an aspect of the illness behavior. Every journeyman clinician knows that chronic illness is overdetermined and conveys several and often many meanings: not this or that, but this and that--and that. How does the clinician decide in a given case which meanings are primary and which secondary? The process of selective interpretation reflects the interests of the observer-professional and the intended uses of the interpretations for the care of a chronically ill patient. This practical therapeutic orientation constrains the interpretation as much as do the interests of the patient and family. I will disclose this process in the illness accounts that are described in article 7, and in the two concluding articles I expand on this topic as part of my consideration of the relationship of illness meanings to the work of the practitioner. Here I simply wish to point out that personal (countertransference) and professional (disease) interests of the clinician strongly influence the illness interpretation. The clinical account, in turn, is perhaps better regarded as the active creation of illness meanings in a dialogue with the subject than as the resultant of passive observation of them in the patient as an object. That is to say, illness has particular meanings for practitioners who listen to a patient's account of illness in light of their own special interests (therapeutic, scientific, professional, financial, personal). Even before the physician entifies an elusive illness into a precise disease, the very ways of auditing the illness account influence the giving of the account and its interpretation.

If someone has experienced a significant illness, such as Lyme disease, which wrecked and ravaged their immune system and digestive system ten years ago, they may not realize that their bodies are resisting healing because they are protecting a system that once needed a huge amount of protection or to be blocked off merely to survive. If we were living in poverty and later have enough money to buy ourselves something nice on occasion, we may resist because we are still in a state of fear and protection from twenty years ago. We may not realize that our fatigue is from ten years ago, when we had young children or were in school or in a difficult job. The difficulty is that our bodies, once they have experienced trauma or overwhelm, no longer recognize or see themselves as a cohesive consciousness; Our inner selves and parts of ourselves that have experienced pain and trauma rarely understand that we are not six, or fifteen, or forty-five any more. That it is not last year, or even two weeks ago. When our bodies experience pain and trauma, they not only freeze but individual body parts remove themselves from the body map. They do this to preserve the whole (the integrity of the body) the best they can. Basically, the show must go on, and the rest of you needs to go to the grocery store and to work. The part of the body that has frozen will resist becoming a part of the whole because it believes itself still to be the same age as when it distanced itself from its body map. For someone with DID, compartmentalizing can be an excellent way of performing roles efficiently and with a minimal amount of stress. In fact, dissociators are sometimes able to accomplish more than those who are integrated because of this ability to compartmentalize. Some people even report being able to do more than one task at a time because different parts are able to focus on different tasks. Self-Punishment and Reenactment of Abuse People with DID usually have one or more parts who believe that they are bad and deserve to be punished. Sometimes abusers tell them these things. Sometimes it is a self-adopted belief that bad things only happen to bad people. Consequently, when a mistake is made or life becomes more stressful than usual, the individual will direct blame toward herself. Self-punishment becomes a way of relieving the emotional distress. For others, it is a kind of penance for absolving shame.

She began to doubt her own feelings and felt truly duped. Will had rapidly gone from He will call, to He won't call. Weeks later, she still found herself calling his cell phone occasionally, but it had been disconnected. She came to the conclusion that he had to be married. Why else would he go so far as to disconnect his cell phone? She couldn't imagine it was some pay as you go temporary phone. If it was his real phone, she could have wrecked his marriage with one phone call. Her friends were right, and she had been gullible. She became consumed by the mystery of Will. Did he have a family? Once you get to know what mindfulness is and its importance, you'll see the significance of it in your life and start embracing it. You can learn all about mindfulness through research. Ask other people for testimonies and opinions. If you know of some people who are practicing mindfulness, you can ask for their opinions and testimonies as to how mindfulness benefitted their lives and if it is really an effective strategy to be happy. Asking other people for their testimonies, opinions and their experiences will give you more insight as to what mindfulness is, you'll get a clearer picture and be encouraged to embrace its importance since the views you have absorbed came from people who have actually tried practicing it. Know your goals and your problem areas. In other words, check your life and your needs with regards to physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. What problems are you encountering regarding these areas in your life? Do you want mental improvement? Do you want emotional relief from depression and stress?

Like a flight simulator, fiction projects us into intense simulations of problems that run parallel to those we face in reality. And like a flight simulator, the main virtue of fiction is that we have a rich experience and don't die at the end. We get to simulate what it would be like to confront a dangerous man or seduce someone's spouse, for instance, and the hero of the story dies in our stead. So, this line of reasoning goes, we seek story because we enjoy it. But nature designed us to enjoy stories so we would get the benefit of practice. Fiction is an ancient virtual reality technology that specializes in simulating human problems. In other words, we don't just choose to tell ourselves stories--we must tell ourselves stories to survive. In our modern era, survival is no longer needing the safety of a tribe so we aren't eaten by a lion. Instead, we need a tribe so that our sense of belonging outweighs being wounded by the words of a parent, a bully at school, a jerk at work, or the trolls who seem to pervade online comment sections. We need a tribe to counterbalance the negativity we receive and help us survive the one-star reviews from strangers in response to our work. However, if you don't deeply feel your missed opportunities you're not going to be aware of them in the future and you're not going to be the man who can take advantage of them when they cross your path. This pain is good. Use the pain of regret, the understanding that you could already be far more successful than you are right now, to do what must be done now, so your future doesn't hold the same pain. This is a matter of understanding that your time here is limited, that you're dying, that with each breath you have one less breath left. And up to this point, you've wasted a hell of a lot of time. You could be better. You could have more money, more freedom, more pride in who you are, a deeper purpose, a more profound meaning. You could be walking this Earth as the man you are in your dreams, doing the big things, with the strength and grit and will to make a real impact, not just on your own life but on the lives of those around you, including people you don't know. Again, I'm writing this as much to myself as to you. We're all in the same boat.