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With practice and commitment, it's possible to build up your resiliency. One way to do this is to create a plan for when crises arise. Having a plan in place beforehand can help you stay focused and on track. Your plan can be as simple as having a list of support people to contact or a few coping behaviors you know work. Another point which needs to be made in regard to the development of a conscious self is the fact that it is not necessarily coexistent with the physical organism. Angyal points out that there is no possibility of a sharp line between organism and environment, and that there is likewise no sharp limit between the experience of the self and of the outside world. Whether or not an object or an experience is regarded as a part of the self depends to a considerable extent upon whether or not it is perceived as within the control of the self. Those elements which we control are regarded as a part of self, but when even such an object as a part of our body is out of control, it is experienced as being less a part of the self. The way in which, when a foot goes to sleep from lack of circulation, it becomes an object to us rather than a part of self, may be a sufficient illustration. Perhaps it is this gradient of autonomy which first gives the infant the awareness of self, as he is for the first time aware of a feeling of control over some aspect of his world of experience. It should be clear from the foregoing that though some authors use the term self as synonomous with organism it is here being used in a more restricted sense, namely, the awareness of being, of functioning. IX) As a result of interaction with the environment, and particularly as a result of evaluational interaction with others, the structure of self is formed -- an organized, fluid, but consistent conceptual pattern of perceptions of characteristics and relationships of the I or the me, together with values attached to these concepts. X) The values attached to experiences, and the values which are a part of the self structure, in some instances are values experienced directly by the organism, and in some instances are values introjected or taken over from others, but perceived in distorted fashion, as if they had been experienced directly. It will probably be best to discuss these two important propositions together. The participants then took another IQ test. Those who got the false feedback that they would be friendless in the future did significantly worse than on the earlier test. A perceived threat to physical safety can also hamper thinking. In a study conducted in violence-prone neighborhoods in Chicago, for example, if a student's neighborhood had been the site of a homicide within the previous two weeks, they were much more likely to score lower on an IQ test. This research has profound implications for the way we educate our kids. We should put in place techniques to reduce stereotyping--and to help kids manage the very real harms that come from stereotypes.

We can also set kids up for the lifelong practice of identifying and managing their unconscious bias. And of course, we should also ensure that the social climate at our schools is one of warmth and inclusion. There is so much more we can do to support families, communities, and the larger culture in providing opportunities for all kids to thrive. Fortunately, even though we're predisposed to disconnection, we're also wired to connect. Resilience and grit help us bounce back more quickly from life's inevitable setbacks and stops us from getting stuck in depression, anxiety, or other destructive mood states. Ask for help. Sometimes our own efforts to improve our circumstances or our emotional health are not effective. When this happens, getting professional help can make a big difference. Social Media, Cognitive Distortions, Depression, and Anxiety in the Digital Age Nothing about living with depression and anxiety is easy. Multiple factors, many of which are beyond one's control, like genetics, hormones, and early environmental factors contribute to their manifestation. Social media has also been shown to trigger depression and anxiety as well as make their symptoms worse. But one very important variable we do have control over is our thought--what psychologists refer to as our cognition. It's also important to note that the thoughts that make up our cognitions are conscious, meaning we are aware of them. In the past few years they have been revised and reworded so many different times by the author that it is quite certain the present statement is inadequate also. Yet within the range of experience which these propositions attempt to symbolize, there seem clearly to be some highly important learnings for the personality theorist. As the infant interacts with his enviroment he gradually builds up concepts about himself, about the environment, and about himself in relation to the environment. While these concepts are nonverbal, and may not be present in consciousness, this is no barrier to their functioning as guiding principles, as Leeper (111) has shown. Intimately associated with all these experiences is a direct organismic valuing which appears highly important for understanding later development. The very young infant has little uncertainty in valuing.

At the same time that there is the dawning awareness of I experience, there is also the awareness that I like, I dislike. I am cold, and I dislike it, I am cuddled and I like it, I can reach my toes and find this enjoyable -- these statements appear to be adequate descriptions of the infant's experience, though he does not have the verbal symbols which we have used. He appears to value those experiences which he perceives as enhancing himself, and to place a negative value on those experiences which seem to threaten himself or which do not maintain or enhance himself. There soon enters into this picture the evaluation of self by others. Let's explore that next. THE BIOLOGY OF CONNECTION We're born incapable of taking care of ourselves. You survived infancy because someone was motivated to take care of you, over and over again. Kids cry not just when they're hungry or sick or cold, but also when they are removed from their caregiver. Research shows that social separation actually causes pain in infants. It also shows that when an infant does not receive consistent, attuned caretaking, the resulting stress leads to elevated levels of cortisol, contributing to a higher allostatic load in neglected children. Other studies confirm the need for social connection. A tragic example comes from the history of the treatment of children in orphanages. When infectious disease deaths climbed among the children, physicians attempted to keep the children isolated and minimize their handling by adults. The good news is that this means we can immediately get to work on changing thoughts that lead us to feel negative emotions and to engage in harmful behaviors. Think about this: Most of life happens between our ears--meaning, how we perceive and feel about our experiences, whether they're stressful, traumatic, sad, exciting, or joyful, comes from our inner thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and beliefs. But before we're able to attach feelings like joy, excitement, frustration, and anger to any given experience, we must first understand it by giving the experience a label or context. When our brain is in sync with reality, we correctly interpret our experiences, events, and social interactions and we can count on our emotions being accurate and healthy. But many people's brains regularly misread reality. Consequently, their inaccurate thoughts create what psychologists call cognitive distortions, causing a great deal of inner turmoil.

The idea that people are negatively affected by inaccurate interpretations of reality goes all the way back to the work of the early Greek stoic philosophers and is a central concept of cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavioral therapy. As previously stated in article 3, cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn't really true. These inaccurate thoughts are used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions; I can't do anything right or I'll never be in a relationship are examples of cognitive distortions, for example. You're a good child, You're a naughty boy -- these and similar evaluations of himself and of his behavior by his parents and others come to form a large and significant part of the infant's perceptual field. Social experiences, social evaluations by others, become a part of his phenomenal field along with experiences not involving others -- for example, that radiators are hot, stairs are dangerous, and candy tastes good. It is at this stage of development, it would seem, that there takes place a type of distorted symbolization of experience, and a denial of experience to awareness, which has much significance for the later development of psychological maladjustment. Let us try to put this in general and schematic terms. One of the first and most important aspects of the self-experience of the ordinary child is that he is loved by his parents. He perceives himself as lovable, worthy of love, and his relationship to his parents as one of affection. He experiences all this with satisfaction. This is a significant and core element of the structure of self as it begins to form. At this same time he is experiencing positive sensory values, is experiencing enhancement, in other ways. It is enjoyable to have a bowel movement at any time or place that the physiological tension is experienced. Yet children kept dying at such alarming rates that for the sake of efficiency, doctors began completing their death certificates at intake. It wasn't until the children were held, rocked, and allowed to interact with one another that survival rates improved. Data on Romanian orphans from the 1980s, who languished, untended in their cribs, by the thousands, showed their development to be stunted by neglect. Research also demonstrates that epigenetic changes develop from cuddling a child. During one study,22 parents of ninety-four babies were asked to keep diaries of themselves cuddling their babies beginning at five weeks after birth and log the infants' behaviors, like sleeping and crying. DNA swabs were taken four and a half years later.

It was found that DNA methylation, which is an epigenetic change affecting gene expression, varied at specific sites between high-contact and low-contact children. One of these variations occurred within a gene related to the immune system and another in a gene related to the metabolic system. Consider the implications: disorders like fibromyalgia (an immune disorder) and diabetes (a metabolic disorder) and hundreds of other disorders and diseases later in life could be linked to less cuddling in infancy. Social connection activates neurochemical processes. And when cognitive distortions spiral out of control, they exacerbate conditions like compare and despair, social comparison, envy, depression, and anxiety. Having distorted cognitions can also lead to unhealthy behaviors that only serve to worsen mood--like overspending because you feel as if online it looks like everyone else has nicer things than me; Cognitive Distortions and Social Media Let's take a moment now to review three cognitive distortions commonly associated with social-media use. Polarized thinking (black-and-white thinking). A person with polarized thinking categorizes people and situations as either/or, all/none, and good/bad. Cognitive distortions of this kind lead to emotional distress, because this kind of thinking doesn't take into account the complexity of most people and most situations. In addition, black-and-white thinking causes a person to experience life and feel emotions in extremes. Black-and-white thinking or all-or-none thinking is often what lurks underneath feelings of FOMO, envy, or low self-esteem triggered from social-media use. One way to avoid this pitfall while on social media is to learn how to be more flexible in your thinking and skillful at finding a middle ground. It is satisfying and enhancing to hit, or to try to do away with, baby brother. As these things are initially experienced, they are not necessarily inconsistent with the concept of self as a lovable person. But then to our schematic child comes a serious threat to self. He experiences words and actions of his parents in regard to these satisfying behaviors, and the words and actions add up to the feeling You are bad, the behavior is bad, and you are not loved or lovable when you behave in this way. This constitutes a deep threat to the nascent structure of self. The child's dilemma might be schematized in these terms: If I admit to awareness the satisfactions of these behaviors and the values I apprehend in these experiences, then this is inconsistent with my self as being loved or lovable.