He has a security in the methodology of finding new truth, so that he is able to tolerate a lack of finality in his thinking. He has the basis for growing and developing within himself, and for making a contribution to his profession and to scientific knowledge. Thus though we are all too aware of our shortcomings in the way in which we carry through the parts of this training sequence, we find it quite unnecessary to apologize for the products of that sequence. We are well aware that the program will change in the future as it has in the past. I related to the innocent and vulnerable child she was, how painful the experience was, how it shaped who she is today. Sharing the story with me helped her manage the pain, knowing that I didn't blame her or see it as shameful, and that I thought she didn't deserve to be treated that way. When she retold the story in this new context, however, it was met with an awkward silence. Our companions couldn't engage. They couldn't give her the emotional support she needed in telling that story. It's not that they were incapable of empathy, but rather that the context wasn't appropriate for this deep dive. I watched this happen and could feel how hard it was for her to reveal herself to this degree and not meet with the empathy and support she needed. She lacked the social skills to see it was, in this setting, an overshare. She left feeling hurt and ashamed; Her sharing and vulnerability, rather than offering the intimacy she was after, had come across as a burden, an expectation. She also feels that cultivating gratitude during our early years directly impacts our capacity for love in subsequent love relationships throughout life. James had a lot to be grateful for. He had a loving, caring, and supportive family. He had a good relationship with his son. A few years ago, he'd suffered a health scare that, fortunately, turned out to be okay, but now he was healthy--certainly something to be grateful for. Along with helping James learn to be grateful for the big things in his life, our sessions together helped him experience the same level of gratitude for the simple and smaller things in his life.

Simply put, gratitude reminds us of the simple joy of just being alive. Skill-Building Strategies Making any big life change is hard, and finding the motivation and stick-to-itiveness to sustain it can be challenging. By cultivating gratitude, you can better see the gifts you already have, which can make navigating the changes feel a little less daunting. One basic principle seems to persist -- that we endeavor increasingly to supply the student with rich and responsible opportunities for learning, but that we rely upon him for the sensitive, selective, constructive use of these opportunities. SUGGESTED READINGS There are relatively few published references which relate to training in therapy. For a formal but comprehensive statement of a training program for the clinical psychologist, including a program in therapy, see the report of the American Psychological Association Committee on Graduate Training (160). The Conference on Training in Clinical Psychology sponsored by the Macy Foundation (80) presents a series of papers on this topic, mostly psychoanalytically and medically oriented. The views are at some variance with the first reference and with the point of view of this article. An eclectic type of training is proposed by Luchins (120). A stimulating paper on the training of the non-medical therapist and his place in the clinical field, together with a proposed curriculum, is presented by Brody and Grey (36). A short training program in therapy, planned for physicians, is described in Teaching Psychotherapeutic Medicine (226, especially pp. The brief program for training VA Personal Counselors is described by Blocksma and Porter (34). I realize I often make the same mistake. I want to get better about boundaries and learn the limits of vulnerable sharing. Rather than give my vulnerability lightly, I need to save it, and offer it in places where it can be honored. Using vulnerability is not the same as being vulnerable; Brown describes oversharing like my friend's as floodlighting--treating vulnerability as a tool to elicit validation. When we use vulnerability to floodlight our listener, the response is disconnection, says Brown in her article Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.

Closely linked, she says, is the smash and grab, in which you smash through people's social boundaries with intimate information, then grab whatever attention and energy you can get your hands on. I understand this in theory even if I'm not so good at navigating it. In order to determine when to share or not share, we need to reflect on our expectations and know what reaction we're looking for. If I use my vulnerability to try to reach intimacy, that's unfair to the other person. Below are a few strategies to help you start and maintain a daily practice of gratitude. Strengthen your reflection skills. One of the cornerstones of the practice of gratitude is being able to recognize the things we are grateful for. You can strengthen your reflection skills by noticing all the new things you're grateful for every day and then writing them down in a gratitude journal or on a piece of paper to put in a special gratitude jar or box. Periodically read what you've written to remind yourself of all the things you're grateful for. Be specific about what you're grateful for--for example, I'm grateful for having my cute, cuddly, and affectionate dog or I'm grateful that I'm healthy and my body doesn't have any aches or pains. Make a point to follow people and accounts on social media that foster feelings of gratitude within you. For example, there are tons of Twitter users devoted to posting motivational messages, articles, and advice. Follow them. Retweet them. The only research evaluation of any training program is that of Blocksma (33), which is not yet published. The concept of multiple therapy as it is used in training is presented in three papers, two by Whitaker and colleagues (220, 221) and one by Haigh and Kell (77). PART III Implications for Psychological Theory As clinical and research evidence accumulates, it is inevitable that those interested in client-centered therapy should try to formulate theories which would contain and explain the observed facts, and which would point out profitable directions for further research. This article attempts to report the present stage of our thinking in this matter of constructing a more generalized statement of personality dynamics and behavior. In considerable degree, the task is simply that of pulling together the theoretical formulations which have been explicit or implicit in all our discussions of therapy and of its effect upon personality.

It is hoped, however, that a focus upon, and a summarization of, the basic conceptual elements will prove useful. The process of theory-building in regard to personality has gone on apace in recent years in psychology, and a number of contributions have enriched our thinking. To mention (in order of publication) some which have been presented in the decade 1940-50, Goldstein (69), Angyal (9), Maslow (127, 128), Mowrer and Kluckhohn (137), Lecky (109), Sullivan (205), Masserman (129), Murphy (141), Cameron (38), Murray and Kluckhohn (104), White (222), Snygg and Combs (200), and Burrow (37) have all presented, either explicitly or implicitly, statements of a new or revised theory of personality. Each of these authors has contributed significantly to thinking about personality dynamics and to a deeper consideration of theory. It's manipulative and usually backfires. My need to reach out and talk about what's going on in my life can be intense. That makes me vulnerable to dumping it on people with whom I haven't developed the kind of relationship that can absorb that information. Then I feel like crap after, a vulnerability hangover. I understood this all too well when I was on the other side of the floodlighting equation with a new acquaintance. It was our first time alone socially. It was evident she was nervous and wanted me to like her. I asked a simple question about her background, and this triggered a lengthy description of her abusive childhood. I could tell it was a well-practiced story. Listening to it overwhelmed me. Connect with them. Share your feelings of gratitude. Include the important people in your life in your gratitude practice. You can do this by writing letters or sending e-mails to the people in your life for whom you're grateful or by making a point to directly express your feelings of gratitude in person. However you choose to express your gratitude to the people you love, focusing on our relationships enhances feelings of connection and intimacy. Time after time, studies have shown that our relationships are strong determinants of our happiness.

Meet Suzanne, a Downward-Comparison Social Media User Suzanne came to see me at her mother's urging. Her mom was worried about Suzanne's dramatic changes in mood and behaviors over the past year. With this burgeoning of theoretical formulation it may seem presumptuous to offer still another conceptual framework for the regarding of personality. On the other hand, it appears probable that out of this wealth of concept-building, with each researcher offering the formulation which from his own experience appears best to contain the facts, new strides in research and in understanding can grow. It is in this spirit that the present article is written. Obviously, it would not be included if the writer did not feel that previous theories do not adequately account for all the facts. On the other hand, it is not presented in a critical frame of mind, since much has been gained by a study of these other contributions, and both in ways that are known and doubtless in ways that are unknown, they have influenced the present author. Just as each one of the other writers is influenced by his professional experience, so has the statement which follows been molded by a score of years of first-hand contact with clinical problems, and more particularly and more deeply by the decade of struggle to formulate an effective and consistent psychotherapy, the process of that effort being the changing formulations of the client-centered approach. The increased entrance into the thinking and feeling of the other person, characteristic of client-centered therapy, has necessitated profound changes in the author's whole theoretical ideation. Like Maslow, the writer would confess that in the early portion of his professional life he held a theoretical view opposed at almost every point to the view he has gradually come to adopt as a result of clinical experience and clinically oriented research. In order to present the thinking as clearly as possible, and also in order to make possible the detection of flaws or inconsistencies, the material which follows is offered as a series of propositions, with a brief explanation and exposition of each proposition. Since the theory is regarded as tentative, questions are raised in regard to various propositions, particularly where it seems uncertain that they adequately account for all the phenomena. I didn't want to hear it and didn't want the responsibility of tending to her and providing the empathetic response the story called for. She was trying to fast-track us into being good friends and I wasn't ready. I felt used. She was also disconnected from the emotion of the story as she was telling it, which felt to me as if it wasn't coming from her heart, in the moment. Vulnerability isn't just about sharing pat or rehearsed personal stories. It's about rawness.