The next two tables illustrate the strengths and the pitfalls of each style. How can you make sure you maximise your strengths in positive influence and impact while avoiding the potential downsides? What can you do differently? Emotions are part of everything we do. Although we talk about our brains being hard-wired' andprogrammed', people are not computers. Besides, he said, Most of them are too old for me. Fred was a complicated case, because he often asked me to fix him up with one of those fine chicks he thought I knew. Maybe I can persuade some lady to come over here and live with me and let me slap on her butt once in a while, he said. He could sense the clutter in his apartment closing in on him, especially since his daughter had become too sick to visit regularly. But sex, which had been the driving force for so much of his life, had lost its hold over him, and he over it--a common side effect of chronic diabetes. I didn't think I'd ever turn against sex, he said, but after maybe about my seventy-eighth birthday, I had several opportunities, and I just played around with the breasts, but that was about it. I just didn't feel like it. At least I don't have to worry about getting in any trouble now. When I asked him what he looked forward to in his eighty-ninth year, sex was a part of it, but an oblique part. Try to eat my three meals a day, talk to the ladies, he said. Of the Bible. To a one, these writers and thinkers have understood that best friends are a launching pad for our highest spiritual aspirations. The Buddha, when asked by his own best friend, Ananda, if friends are an important part of the spiritual life, replied, They are not just a part of the spiritual life, Ananda. They are the whole of the spiritual life. Today, unfortunately, we all too often tend to miss the profundity of these friendships.

We might say laughingly--and with some slight edge of embarrassment--that Seth and I were having a bromance. Cool. Something to laugh about. As if it weren't one of the most important things in the world. 6 It also made it easier for me to keep following my healthy habits. Patty mentioned willpower a lot during our talk. That so many people equate the ability to lose weight or to somehow not become obese with self-control. The issue is, as I've explained in this piece of writing, your body, your mind, our food choices, and everything else about our society have been engineered to make us fat. So it's not just a lack of willpower. Willpower is when somebody else calls you a big fat whale or makes moo noises at you and you keep walking. That's willpower. Trying diet after diet? Willpower. It's not an absence of willpower. Our behaviours reflect a complex intertwining of habits, thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs and attitudes. Communication that engages these aspects, and especially our emotions, is much more effective than communication that appeals only to our reason. Think of how an economist might explain facts and figures in a rational way, compared with how a politician uses the same data to elicit an emotional response in the listener. Engaging communication involves appealing to people's emotions as well as to their rational thought processes. Brian Cox, professor of particle physics at the University of Manchester, is an engaging communicator.

He can explain complex concepts and maths equations in a way that connects with audiences, both on TV and live. His 2017 UK tour attracted thousands of people, few of whom understand relativity, but who nevertheless chose to spend their time listening to him speak. This is because he communicates his own emotions, and engages the emotions of his audience, through his choice of words, tone of voice and body language. We are captivated by his sense of awe and enthusiasm and these elicit similar emotions in us. To connect with others in an engaging way, we need to be aware of our own emotions and able to manage them so that they have the impact we intend. Visit them, maybe they visit me, go to church, and in summertime stand in front of the door downstairs, watch the women getting off work. I just want to live and keep happy, hope my brother continues on in a good life. I want to start visiting him more often. In the time I spent with Fred, he was able to do none of these things. A particularly damaging myth about old age is that people no longer work or have sex--just about the two most belittling things you can say about someone in America. But neither of these is necessarily true. Love among the elderly is a topic that makes many people squeamish, especially when it involves sex--and doubly if the elderly happen to be your parents, which they probably are. Sagging skin, fragile bones, poor circulation, growing memory gaps--these aren't exactly the stuff celebrated in Victoria's Secret ads or chick flicks. People in my mother's generation rarely watched their own parents remarry or date in old age, and many reached their eighties and nineties with limited romantic experience. They'd married young and stayed married. Dr Heinz Kohut called the magic of what I was experiencing with Seth twinship. This term is incisive. It goes right to the heart of the matter. The essence of twinship, Kohut tells us over and over again, is the deep human need to experience the essential likeness of an important other. The essential likeness.

Kohut emphasizes the main point: twinship is the discovery at depth of another human being who seems to have remarkably similar insides to our own. This very similarity raises the possibility that we could be known. Heretofore, a part of us has been--has seemed, has felt--to some extent incognito, cut off, unknowable by the other. Now, the discovery of inner sameness helps us to feel safe in a new way. We are not alone. Because it's not all within our control. Patty told me she does think that some personal responsibility is involved when people become obese--but to look at the world around us and how it contributes to a lot of consumption issues. I told her that most of my research shows how much of this is out of our control, that the world is geared toward making us fatter, and that we're not educated well enough on healthy diets or how to exercise. She agreed with that basic idea and then told me a story. Patty regularly gives talks to medical students to help combat weight bias and educate doctors to not make assumptions based on a patient's size. In one of her talks, she asked students to imagine she had just walked into their office. What things would they assume off the bat? Students called out: You have diabetes! Hypertension! Your cholesterol levels are bad! We also need to be aware of how emotions influence the actions and decisions of other people. In this article you will learn how to flex your behaviour in different situations to appeal to people's emotions, inner drives and beliefs, as well as to their rational minds. We know that to get commitment from others rather than merely compliance, you need to engage people's emotions. Rational explanation may get compliance (they do it because you have told them to), while an appeal to someone's emotions gets commitment (they do it because they want to). This is why disaster appeals focus on human tragedies and why drink driving campaigns at Christmas show pictures of injured people rather than statistics.

Research 2 has shown that when people are making a decision to buy something, their thinking is 80% logic and 20% emotion, up to the point of purchase. But at the point of purchase, their decision is 80% emotion and 20% logic - they go with their gut instinct. People choose things for emotional reasons and we often make decisions unconsciously, and then use our conscious mind to rationalise the decision to ourselves. If you have a dog, think about why you chose that particular dog. It is likely that, after weighing up various factors in a rational way, there were emotional factors that propelled you into making the final choice. In a University of Chicago study called the National Social Life, Health, and Aging Project, only one in five women ages seventy-five to eighty-five said they had had more than two sexual partners in their lifetime, and only half of men. If new love was going to have a place for their age group now, they were going to have to invent it, without role models or guidance. Sociologists expect big changes to come with the baby boomers, who already wrought one sexual revolution. But some elders have always enjoyed robust sex lives. A 2010 study by researchers at Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion reported that 20 to 30 percent of men and women were still sexually active well into their eighties. (Men ages seventy and up, notably, were giving oral sex more often than receiving it, and women weren't doing much of either, most likely because they had outlived their mates. ) But with age, sex can entail new complications. After age eighty-five, more than one-quarter of people say they have some cognitive difficulty. Sex with dementia raises questions of consent that we are only beginning to grapple with, even as more people live long enough to enter that territory. How wonderful it is to find that there is another of our exact species on the planet. And in our own neighborhood! We have a friend in the world who knows who we are. (Cosmologists early in the twentieth century used to say that we cannot truly understand the universe because there is apparently only one of them--only one universe, that is. It turns out that, in the view of these cosmologists, it is impossible to have any perspective at all on any creation of which there is only one iteration.