Iceberg Belief: If someone takes a job, they should do their very best at it (otherwise quit and give it to someone who cares). When It Shows Up: When a waiter or waitress gets my order wrong. It drives me nuts. Ice Breaker: Getting my order wrong doesn't mean they don't care about doing a good job. Frequently, leaders even employ this approach as a subtle technique for influencing the group in the direction the leader would like to have it go. They attempt to disguise their influence on the group through posing as group members. Some leaders, however, honestly believe that they should become just members of the group, and they have no ulterior motives in doing so. Even in this case, if the members perceive a person as a leader, that person is only escaping the situation if he denies that he has such a role. From our experience, it would seem almost a principle that, whenever a person is perceived as a leader, the process of transferring his leadership to the group cannot be accomplished by fiat. This is to say that he can best transfer the leadership by remaining as the leader, until he can effectively create the conditions required for members to learn to assume the leadership. This principle seems, at first, like a contradiction, but in practice it usually happens that the leader who pretends to be just another member is actually perceived as one who secretly has goals for the group, or who is compensating for his previous attempts to direct the group, or who is actually insecure about his ability as a leader. Here, then, is a concept of leadership in which it is recognized that the commonly accepted leader-role acts as a deterrent to the distribution of the leadership functions throughout the group. Yet it stresses the importance of distributed leadership, if the group is to utilize the maximum potential of its members. At the same time it calls attention to the fact that the transference of the leadership functions from the leader to the group is a process that involves the group members' learning to assume these functions. If someone doesn't smile at me, for instance, and I get upset, the intensity of my response (hurt) may have little to do with what's happening in the moment. That missing smile may have triggered a lifelong sense that I'm disregarded. Even so, I may blame myself for my physical response and for blowing things out of proportion. We are all also guilty of laying microaggressions on others at times. Here are some common examples of things I've done (and learned from): I may not have intended to hurt people, but my actions still cause pain.

Each time we experience one of these slights, our body reacts, producing a stress response. In this way, being subjected continually to microaggressions turns into trauma in our bodies. I don't want to be that person harming others in this way. I'm learning to listen more and to be more attentive to the impact of my words and actions rather than cling to my innocent intentions. This person is working a job that has a lot of moving parts. So perhaps I need to show a little more compassion here. Besides, I came to enjoy the company of my dining companion, not to be the employee police. That's the manager's job, not mine. Starting today, you can say good-bye to big emotional outbursts and hello to a far greater sense of mastery over your world. Identifying and navigating around your iceberg beliefs has a powerful effect on your ability to do everything from stick to a fitness regimen to achieving harmony in your work/home balance. If you need to take an extra day or two with this skill, by all means do so. It's that important. This gets to the heart of so many issues that cause us stress in life, and steers us into far smoother waters. Now it's your turn. This theory attempts to explain that it is not usually possible for the leader either to dump the leadership onto the group or to pretend that he is giving it up when in reality he wants to keep it himself. Finally, the thesis is advanced that the leader can actually facilitate the process of leadership-transference by accepting his role of leader, but carrying out a different kind of leadership function -- one that makes the focus of his efforts the creation of certain conditions required for releasing the adjustive capacity of the group. In the next section an attempt will be made to examine more in detail the role of this nonleading leader. What conditions does this type of leader try to create? What are the critical dimensions of this kind of leadership? An effort will be made to draw on both our own experience and the experiences of others in order to describe how such a leader functions.

Finally, it will be necessary to face some very crucial, but puzzling problems that grow out of attempts to try out this type of leadership in real situations. A FORMULATION OF GROUP-CENTERED LEADERSHIP From recent attempts to apply principles derived chiefly from psychotherapy to group situations, it is possible to begin to define certain aspects of the group leader's role that seem to be critical from the standpoint of their effects upon the group. First, it may be well to look at the leader's role in a broad sense. Our intentions don't really matter if we're hurting someone else. We don't know what we don't know, which is part of why we need to listen more. What we heard may be very different from what the other person thought was said. We express ourselves within the context and history of a racialized and otherwise deeply discriminatory society. Focusing on intention diverts attention from the harm being done. Even if harm isn't intended, consequences are inevitable, and wrongs will need to be rectified. We need to reflect on these problematic interactions and find the learning so we can take responsibility and try to do better next time. Learning opportunities become derailed when we focus on our intent. Jay Smooth, a radio host and social commentator, articulates this well when he explains the difference between the What They Did conversation and the What They Are conversation. If we apply it to the above examples, it turns the conversation to whether I'm racist or sexist. How will you navigate your icebergs? My Plan to Navigate Iceberg Beliefs The core-value icebergs I want to keep long-term but that sometimes cause me conflict are: What I will say to myself to get around the emotional pull each creates: My icebergs that are wrong or no longer serve me are: The ice breakers I will say to myself to melt them are:

My icebergs that show up only occasionally are: These icebergs tend to show up when: The steps I will take to minimize their effect on me are: Banish the Burnout It might be emphasized that a leader certainly may choose one of several approaches to group leadership and administration. The approach that is being formulated here is only one of a number of different approaches. It has been called a group-centered approach because this term seems to emphasize that the primary concern of the leader is in facilitating the group's development, helping the group clarify and achieve its goals, aiding the group to actualize itself. He discards his own goals, puts aside his concern for his own development, and centers his attention outside of himself. The term group-centered has little value in and of itself, and certainly it is not our intention to place emphasis upon the mere name. Leadership has many dimensions, and whether or not an approach to groups is group-centered or leader-centered is only a very general level of description. A term was needed, and this term was selected. Others (95) have used the term social therapy to describe an approach which is essentially similar in its emphasis upon group development, active participation of group members, and the use of some of the methods of psychotherapy by the group leader. In many ways this is a more descriptive term, yet therapy may have certain undesirable connotations in connection with its use with groups. Needless to say, however, the approach that is presented here is believed to be therapeutic in a real sense. By focusing instead on the person who is hurt, I call my actions into question, not my character. This provides better opportunity to learn and grow. On the other hand, intent matters a great deal in how we choose to respond to someone who hurts us. Intent influences whether we respond in anger, shrug our shoulders and walk away, or risk a discussion that could ultimately deepen understanding. Context matters; YOUR BRAIN ON DIET CULTURE

When it comes to fat people, the cultural narrative suggests that microaggressions are somehow a service to fat people, that expressing health concerns is beneficial tough love. Fat bodies are portrayed as diseased and wrong, capable of becoming healthy and thin if only the individual exerts enough effort. The relentless judgment of fat bodies is a good thing, the argument goes, as it can spark incentive for change. We need to see these health admonishments as the microaggressions they are, promoting disease, not health. The Payoff: Greater fulfillment in your everyday life Today is a turning point. Today we're going to teach you our proven formula for banishing burnout so that you can wake up and live your days feeling energized, balanced, and--yes--happy. A major cause of burnout is having more bad events in our days than good. Makes sense, doesn't it? When your days are filled with nothing but blowups at work, time crunches, headaches, and mundane drudge, you're bound to feel fried. If nothing goes wrong in your life, that's great. But that's not real life. Things do go wrong. We lose our keys. Defined quite broadly, group-centered leadership is an approach in which the leader places value on two goals: the ultimate development of the group's independence and self-responsibility, and the release of the group's potential capacities. It might be said that the group-centered leader chooses to adopt goals which are long-range rather than immediate. He is confident that the group will solve its immediate problems, yet he helps the group become more capable of solving future problems. He is confident that the group will take action, but he accelerates the process whereby its action will be self-initiated. He is interested in the group as a developing social organism. He sees his function as that of helping the group to work out its own adjustment, and by so doing to become more self-responsible than before.