Do I have trouble falling asleep at night because my mind is always moving? A Juggling Act BALANCE, INTERNAL STABILITY, AND HOMEOSTASIS Homeostasis: The tendency of the body to create internal stability and equilibrium, despite stressors. It is the body's need to have balance. Homeostasis is the concept that our bodies strive to stay in balance without any excesses or depletion of resources, and it is the foundation for staying healthy. No over- or under-stimulation. It is what our bodies desire, and it is vital to keeping our bodies healthy, stable, calm, and free of illness. And, even after the interview, it's still not a guarantee that they will make it through our environment! So, every week, we run interviews and sift through the many unworthy people to find the good nuggets to work with. It makes you think, why would so many people attempt to work at a place that's known for their stressful rigor? I would also ask. How about Tesla? How about Ernst & Young or Amazon? Why has one company, Paypal, been able to produce six billionaires who are included in what's called the Paypal Mafia? Why are the majority of people that work at Life. Church, the largest church in the United States, actually just volunteers? Why does the cast at Saturday Night Live constantly pull all-nighters to come up with jokes that, half of the time, don't land? Clearly, it is hurtful to be raised with addiction and/or abuse; Covert sexual abuse such as drunken nudity, sexual name-calling, or the lack of appropriate sexual information during childhood creates confusion regarding healthy sexuality;

Overt sexual abuse such as molestation is a much blatant betrayal and violation and a far greater emotional, physical, and spiritual injustice. A person with this experience is more likely to encounter any of the following and often a combination: to 1) dissociate (separating emotions from thoughts as if existing outside her physical being and controlling her actions by remote control); As the addict often has underlying and co-occurring problems of depression and anxiety, partners, those in particular who grew up in impaired family systems, also often enter the relationship with undiagnosed major depression or dysthymia (low-grade, chronic depression), anxiety, and/or post-traumatic stress. The likelihood that you entered your relationship with these issues is higher for you than others, if you were raised in a shame-based, addictive, and/or verbally, physically, or sexually abusive family system. If you entered your relationship with depression, low self-esteem, self-defeating thoughts, and/or shame-based defenses, it aids an environment in which the addict is safe to maintain his secret double life without being caught or held accountable. As discussed in article Two, the more trauma you have had in your life, the greater the impact of traumatic stress when there is sexual betrayal in your adult relationship. Your first efforts in understanding how your past is influencing your current behavior begins with exploring the dynamics in the family in which you were raised. For many, the roots of addiction may in fact span generations. Our bodies have many adaptive mechanisms for maintaining homeostasis. In times of stress and trauma, we activate various hormones to bring our systems back into balance. Day-to-day activities trigger these adaptive devices. But often, we expose ourselves to too much stimulation, excessive stresses, and overuse. Our bodies then become depleted of resources and cannot maintain homeostasis. We lose our balance--and without balance, our bodies suffer and we develop illness. Stress comes from many places. Stress comes from pressures at home and work. It comes from what we put into our bodies, such as recreational drugs or medicinal ones. It comes from the food we put into our bodies. Why do the athletes for the New England Patriots put up with an almost-dictatorship level of leadership from coach Bill Belicheck? All of these organizations are excellent.

They are at the top of their game, and are not stopping any time soon. They are all obsessed about their trade and relentlessly want to provide excellence in their work. This obsession is the only reason why these companies are at the top and remain at the top of their industries. People see the success and they want it. Who doesn't want to work with the big boys and girls? It's a stamp of approval, a sense of pride to say that you got the big job at the top hospital in your city. While working at any of these places requires so much from their team members, these team members gain great lessons, immense fruits and career-altering skills. In most of these cases, they are also well-compensated. It is essential to look back at your early life and identify the critical experiences that shaped you. This is the beginning of the road to your healing. As recovering sex addicts review their histories, many recognize they come from strongly impaired family systems, families impacted by various addictive disorders and forms of mental illnesses. Situations of physical and sexual violence are extremely common. Often these boys had emotionally unavailable fathers and highly enmeshed relationships with their mothers. With their dysfunctional histories, these are emotionally wounded boys who learn to project to the world one persona but act out another. Just as the partner often identifies with trauma repetition, so too does the addict. But the addict also perpetuates the affront to him. This means that in addition to reliving a story from the past, continuing to engage in self-destructive behaviors over and over again, and repeating painful experiences, addicts often do to others what they experienced as an early life trauma. Maureen Canning, author of Lust, Anger, Love, writes, All sexual acting out is motivated by feelings of shame and manifested in acts and feelings of anger. It comes from lack of sleep and overstimulation. In this modern era, we have so many external stimuli.

We are continually receiving information through our computers and phones. We have the internet to answer our every question. We receive information through our smartphones that notify us of every weather change, of important news bulletins, and of every email and text from people who want to communicate with us. We are constantly moving. Our society is always on. We go to bed with the glow of tablets at our bedsides and wake to the buzzing of text messages and social media notifications. The stimulation is immeasurable. Each of these stresses impacts our bodies. Regularly, people who leave these organizations end up creating their own awesome careers themselves. Certain organizations even specialize in doing just that, like Y Combinator. As one of the best tech startup incubators in the world, they are to blame for assisting with startup tech companies like AirBnB, Stripe, Dropbox, Reddit, Twitch, DoorDash and over 100 other companies, each individually valued at more than $150 million. Getting accepted into the Y Combinator program is a badge of honor in itself! These hungry entrepreneurs know that getting into the group has created so much fruit for others. Why not for them, too? It's the same reason why people who work at big law firms end up leaving after a few years and confidently start their own firm. They know what success looks like, and they've been able to successfully participate in it. People like to be with the successful. There's an issue, though, with all of these wanna-be ballers. By the time I was thirteen I was so angry I wanted to scream, but I had no way to do that. What do you do with that anger when you're just a kid?

I was angry about life in general--too many divorces by my parents, too many moves, total neglect by my father, and rage from my stepfather. My mom loved me but she was too caught up in her life to know how to cope with my problems at school or my depression. My first way to scream was by skipping school, and then I found porn on the internet. My hormones were starting to rage, sex became the answer to my pain and anger, and I was on my way. In the movie Prince of Tides, the character played by Nick Nolte explains how when his parents began their war against each other the only prisoners they took were their children, and how the kids developed a ritual to escape--they found a silent soothing world of no pain. For many, this is what addiction is about: a silent soothing world, a world of no pain. A world of disconnection--kindled by fear and shame, often rooted in trauma. At age eleven I had a hole in my gut that was so big only alcohol and drugs would fill it up. These stresses disrupt the internal homeostasis. Our bodies have to use an abundance of resources to keep in balance again. But with time, those resources are lost and we become sick. This overuse leads to the onset of illness. THE STRESS OF ALWAYS BEING CONNECTED How many times do you look at your phone when you are having a conversation with someone? When you first wake up in the morning? Do you have audio notifications for all of your social media? Do you consider turning these off? How often do you check your email? Very few people are obsessed, and that's why so many fail to hang with the successful crowd. No One Likes Obsession