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I was quickly told by both my husband and the therapist that I was projecting the behaviors I had experienced with my two previous husbands onto my fiance, a very successful and upstanding man. Having a history of being willing to trust others rather than myself, I unquestioningly went on with the wedding. On our honeymoon, my husband shared some of his sexual past that he had not previously shared. My heart went cold as he described encounters with prostitutes, friends, relatives, and so on. Knowing what I know now, I see it as a classic description of sex addiction. I was horrified, terrified, and literally frozen with the sinking feeling that I had married someone weird. I freaked out. We limped through our honeymoon and I made up my mind to put all his past behind us and forge ahead with a positive effort to make a good home for my three children, ages ten through sixteen. It's six-hour approaches with a 50-pound backpack, and you're definitely in pain, he said. It's very unpleasant. But at the same time, I was like, This is the most beautiful place on Earth. <a href=''>This</a> is amazing! <a href=''>Either</a> way you're like,Well, I'm just out there having an experience. Yeah, but I'm not going to free solo El Capitan, I hear you saying. Maybe not, but emulating Alex Honnold isn't the point. What I'm trying to convey is our need to be fully present and engaged with something every day, and to have frequent experiences that require us to hone our intuition and problem-solving skills in nature. So find your metaphorical wall, whatever that is, and go climb it. To retrain your sense of direction, try going off the trail on a short hike and not looking at the signs to get back. I work at a business consulting firm, which I'd say is a slightly cooler job than working at a gas station. I don't think I'm a giant loser.

Research tells a different, deeper story. According to a 2016 journal titled, The Illusion of Moral Superiority,psychologists from the University of London concluded that, virtually all individuals irrationally inflated their moral qualities. This study gathered 265 people online to fill out various questions regarding 30 character traits. These character traits dealt with topics like morality, agency and sociability. Participants were asked to rate themselves and other people on these specific character traits. The objective of the study was to test the irrational factor for people's self-belief in their moral superiority. The results of the study determined that, While it's widely regarded that people grant themselves as `morally superior' over others, it's highly irrational. Here's how they discuss this: The years added up, filled with my husband's rages, drinking, flirting, and ogling women with abandon. We had countless arguments about his behavior and he would point to my theatrical behavior as just crazy. He was right: I was feeling crazy. I was terrified that I had made another bad marriage, that I was not desired, that I couldn't explain how hurt I was, and that he would never change. We both spent countless hours in therapy, together and individually. The children had problems, and life was never easy or peaceful. After a crisis with one of our kids, my husband confessed to me that he had been unfaithful on several occasions. He was fired from each executive position he had. I had to leave graduate school and go back to work for financial reasons. My desperation grew and grew until I thought I must be clinically crazy. No real danger will be present, but you'll probably feel like it the first couple of times until you retune your directional sense. If you've never done it, compete in an individual contest with other people watching, where pride is at stake, like a one-on-one basketball game, a wrestling match, or even an arm wrestle at your local pub.

It might feel uncomfortable initially, but such an experience will demand a new level of focus that you can then apply to other areas of your life. What's Your Quest? Why is it that fictional stories like The Lord of the Rings and real-life ones such as The Revenant and Wild inspire us? Because they are chronicles of quests in which the heroes encounter suffering and adversity, grow because of it, and finally reach their ultimate goals. Another reason we gravitate toward such tales is that the experiences they portray are very different from those most of us have in our daily lives--they're raw, dangerous, vital. We were not created to sit in cubicles and traffic jams or wait in Black Friday lines like sheep. Rather, we were made to explore and to conquer. As Helen Keller wrote, Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. The irrationality of moral superiority was borne out of the ubiquity of virtue--almost everyone reported a strong positive moral self-image--and individuals' ignorance of this ubiquity when making judgments of the average person. Indeed, neglecting the prototypicality of one's own self-judgments may signal an error in inductive reasoning. For average people like myself who needed to Google words like ubiquity or prototypicality, the researchers concluded an error in our human reasoning. Everyone individually believes they're higher and mightier than everyone else. You can find numerous studies about how people view themselves as better than others. Psychologists will use terms like, illusory superiority. This is, essentially, a cognitive bias where we overestimate the quality of our own abilities. The Bias Blindspot research article, conducted by Stanford University, revealed that people rate themselves as less subject to various biases than the average American. These same researchers did follow-up studies with the participants. In the second and third rounds, they educated them with articles and other studies about how people are affected by self-bias, hoping to educate them in their erroneous ways. I was constantly threatening him. My anger and resentment built up to the point where I told myself, Hell, if you can't beat them, then just join them!

I had a short revenge affair with my boss but quickly realized that was not what I wanted or who I was. It didn't help my hurt or anger. In fact it made my misery even worse, having dented my self-respect. One night after I had been diagnosed with early stage breast cancer, I discovered a article about sex addiction in the trunk of the car. When I questioned him, my husband said his therapist wanted him to read it, as he thought my husband was a sex addict. Well, I took the article straight into the living room of our house, sat down, and flew through every article. My first reaction was Oh my God, I am not crazy after all. This is our life! The difference between most people and pioneers like Conrad Anker, Jimmy Chin, and Sarah Outen is that they've fanned the flame of adventure instead of extinguishing it through a combination of conformity and indoor living. The first step to rediscovering our wild side? Walking out the front door. Embracing Fear Fear isn't necessarily a bad thing. It tests us, sharpens our abilities, and shows us what we're truly capable of. It's often when we're afraid that we feel the most alive. But most of the time, we try hard to avoid fear by controlling as much of our environment as we can. It's an understandable impulse, but one that nature doesn't accommodate. It's impossible to control the natural world. Even still, the same participants doubled-down on their claims of not being affected by self-biases. They boldly claimed these numerous studies didn't apply to them.

Another research journal article titled, Flawed Self-Assessment: Implications for Health, Education, and the Workplace, described observations regarding how participants assessed themselves and their individual health. Let's see what they concluded. People are unrealistically optimistic about their own health risks compared with those of other people. Guided by mistaken but seemingly plausible theories of health and disease, people misdiagnose themselves--a phenomenon that can have severe consequences for their health and longevity. Here's what the same journal had to say about these implications with education: Research in education finds that students' assessments of their performance tend to agree only moderately with those of their teachers and mentors. Students seem largely unable to assess how well or poorly they have comprehended material they have just read. They also tend to be overconfident in newly learned skills, at times because the common educational practice of massed training appears to promote rapid acquisition of skills--as well as self-confidence--but not necessarily the retention of skill. What followed was his agreement that this seemed to be what, in fact, we were living with. He confessed to having had sex with several massage prostitutes. I calmly told him we were finished. Before when he had confessed to affairs, I had told him if he ever did it again, we were through. We separated. In time, we began to talk about moving back together, and I told him for us to get back together he had to go to a treatment program. By now in between radiation treatments I was working with a therapist. She had me looking at my reactivity, fears, resentments, and my attempts at controlling the insane world around me. Here I had kids at home, cancer, a husband I couldn't trust, and my own past trauma. The funny part to me was that my therapist kept telling me to take a deep breath. So what if we embraced that lack of control instead? What might the fear we face in an uncontrolled situation teach us about ourselves?