It is perfectly reasonable to provide an explanation but don't excuse or justify yourself. If you over-explain it usually means you feel bad about saying no and are trying to justify your position. If you want to say yes', say so clearly. <a href=''>If</a> you are happy to say yes but want to modify what you are prepared to offer then outline the conditions that apply. <a href=''>Ask</a> for more information to help you make your decision. <a href=''>Ask</a> for more time to consider your decision. <a href=''>Suggest</a> a compromise if you believe this is appropriate. <a href=''>Watch</a> out for anindirect no' - a way of trying to avoid saying no by stating things in ways that are aimed at getting the other person to take back the request. Other wonderful examples include home visits to first-time moms by nurses; programs such as Positive Parenting and the Incredible Years; as well as pediatric and primary-care screening and early intervention for depression and substance use problems in youth; and trauma-focused treatment programs for youth already showing problems. We have alternatives, but so far their adoption is terribly limited. Again, consider Billie Holiday. Her mother was addicted to narcotics, her father missing. As a youth, her community was a brothel. Violence pummeled her, from rape at age ten to ongoing abuse by her pimp-husband. She was jailed, sent to reform school, and punished. By the time she was an adolescent she was homeless, drinking heavily, and en route to a heroin habit. But not all those subject to ACEs draw such a profoundly miserable deal. Even for those who do, children and adolescents with a decent measure of resilience, self-control, and support can change the trajectory of their lives--but the odds at first are against them. They need help, as do their families. An important first step before applying these methods, however, is simply to learn how to recognize a panic attack for what it is.

This can go a long way in itself toward helping you to calm down and manage your panic response. After all, we've seen throughout the examples in this chapter that panic often doesn't present itself to our minds as what it is. It disguises itself. It appears first to us as simply a "logical" consequence of another fear. Therefore, the first few times we panic, we do not think we are experiencing a new physical reaction we have never undergone before, we simply think that we have "realized" something frightening about the world or about our own lack of safety within it that we never noticed before. Learning to recognize panic attacks for what they are can, therefore, go a long way toward reducing their effects. You can start to understand that you have not "realized" any scary new truths that you did not know before, you are simply undergoing a common experience of a panic attack. Your training is never over. Your work is never done. You never reach a point where there's nothing left to learn. You never reach the point where you have it together more than everyone in the whole world. Everything you think, feel, say, and do throughout your day, see it as learning and training opportunities. Whatever you experience, you learn from. It trains you. Woke up on time today? Good. See it as training for tomorrow. Experienced some micro emotions this morning because you had to make your bed and do it right? Good. Learn from it, see it as training for tomorrow, and it'll be easier.

Had a bad day at work and you allowed your emotions to get the best of you? Good. Learn from it and see it as training for the next time you have a bad day. Feeling stupid because you got overly excited and said too much on a date or in a business meeting? Good. Learn from it and see it as training for the next time you're in that situation. You're either learning from everything happening to you, within you, and around you, or you're wasting it. You're throwing away valuable opportunities to gain knowledge. Constantly be training to become better at something. Constantly train your mind by reading books, watching videos, listening to podcasts, and learning from people who are at and beyond your target self. Take that knowledge and cram it into your mind on a daily basis. Constantly train your body and keep it strong and healthy by exercising and pushing yourself to and past your physical limits. Prevent muscle atrophy. Use them or lose them. A weak body is a weak mind. A weak mind is a weak person. A weak person gets weak results. Train your body with healthier foods, healthier amounts, and at healthier times. Your body will crave the junk food, but it will get used not having it. It will become trained.

It will adapt. Many people believe that criticism means they are inadequate in some way or are being unfairly targeted, as mentioned earlier. Being clear about what the criticism is about. Ask for more information. Asking for more time to consider what has been said. After all, it can be difficult to identify what you think or feel immediately. Asking for more information, if required, and then stating clearly your need for time to consider what has been said. Wherever possible tell the person when you will come back to him/her. Once you have thought about what has been said you need to decide whether you think the criticism is valid or not. If you agree with what has been said, you need to accept the criticism and discuss any future changes. If you disagree with what has been said. then ensure you disagree confidently, making sure you do not apologise. Giving criticism can be as hard for some people as receiving it, especially for people who suffer from anxiety. Holding on to negative feelings doesn't help. If you are a manager you will have to give criticism to your staff at some time or another. If you are a parent you will have to criticize your children from time to time, otherwise they may never learn and could go on to develop unhelpful ways of relating to others. Finding a private place to have the discussion. If you want someone to think about what you are saying you need to respect his or her feelings. Find something good to say about the person's behaviour. Acknowledge the person's good points as well as bad points.

Be genuine in what you say. Try to avoid becoming too personal. Keep your comments to the facts of the situation and how you feel. Criticize the person's behaviour. Behaviour is something you have control over whereas there may be things about yourself you cannot change, for example, whether you speak with an accent. Describe your feelings and how you are affected by the person's behaviour. Make sure you listen to what the other person has to say. Effective communication requires active participation and active listening. The other person needs to understand the consequence of not changing. If someone knows that a particular behaviour upsets you or damages your relationship, this can be enough to motivate him or her to change. Returning to the nosology of universal, selected, and indicated aspects of prevention, with a focus on adolescence, there are many ways to facilitate change, though they are not as often employed as they could be. On a universal level, a fine and demonstrably effective example is LifeSkills Training (LST). LST curricula are available for elementary schools (grades three to six); middle or junior high schools (grades six to eight or seven to nine); and high schools (grades nine or ten). For example, LST can be delivered for three years in middle schools. Students are taught essential, usually previously underdeveloped skills, such as problem solving and decision making, which help these youth resist peers and media encouraging drug use--also called drug-resistance skills--as well as coping mechanisms and methods to manage stress and anxiety. Self-esteem and self-control typically improve. LST shows sustained effects with preventing tobacco, alcohol, and marijuana use as well as binge drinking. Another universal approach is exemplified by the family-based Strengthening Families Program: For Parents and Youth 10-14. Provided in rural areas, this program helps parents build the skills to manage a family, communicate in positive ways, improve relationships with their children, and support academic and extracurricular activities. There is considerable flexibility in where and when services are delivered, and babysitting, transportation, and meals help with engagement and ongoing family participation.