Well, he basically told me it was about me. He had been telling me I was undersexed. That I just didn't know what a man needed. And I don't seem to enjoy having sex because when we have sex I always end up feeling used or even more alone than when we started. Then I notice other women noticing him, and he them, and I begin to compare myself to them. Maybe they are younger than me or have more money and can dress up better, but no matter--I basically always feel as if I am just not what he wants. Just as an alcoholic's partner frequently feels guilty for the behavior of the alcoholic--that if he or she was a better partner and could just do the right thing, the alcoholic wouldn't drink so much--partners of men who are acting out sexually nearly always believe that his behavior is a statement about themselves. They believe they must not be pretty enough, sexy enough, smart enough, thin enough, alluring enough, ample-breasted enough, or long-legged enough. So when the athlete takes a misstep or has an off-balance landing, the ankle might well be protected, but the knee takes the brunt of the twisting force and collapses inward. With some players who've used braces for years, you can see this even occurs to some degree every time they jump--which could happen hundreds of times in each game. As a result, the connective tissues of the knee are placed under excessive strain, and it's often the anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) that gives out first. So you're just trading one issue--a sprained ankle--for another--a blown ACL. If you suffer frequent ankle sprains, a better approach is to work with a physical therapist on regaining your proprioception--awareness of your limbs' position and posture--after an injury. You should also do a minimum of ten minutes of daily mobility work, as well as improving reactive balance and your single-leg strength with hops, bounds, step-ups, pistol squats, and lunges. In addition, you can work on landing mechanics, lateral movement, and eccentric strength (that is, strength as a muscle is lengthening under load). This will reduce the chance of reinjury and help your ankle function as it should. In addition, you'll avoid the risk of knee damage that those clunky braces exposed you to. You might decide to wear a brace in the first few games after returning from the injury, but you should avoid doing so in practice and try to go brace-free in competition as soon as possible. You certainly could. You could be like many of the bright-eyed college students out there who say they will solve world hunger or fight for the forgotten.

Justin Wren certainly did. It took Justin Wren several years and several life-threatening circumstances to become the Big Pygmy. It's the typical rollercoaster story of great highs and lows you could make a movie out of. Ever since 2013, he has dedicated the rest of his life to bringing the Pygmy tribe in Africa out of poverty and slavery. He drills wells for clean water, organizes the purchasing of land so they have rights to property, and seeks funding to support all of these beneficial activities to save the livelihoods of these forgotten people. Because of this, you could consider Justin Wren to be the exact opposite of someone who lives a life of apathy. What you should know is that Justin Wren was once a very apathetic man. For years, due to drug overdoses, wild partying, and deep-seated depression from years of bullying, he threw away his religion and lost his care for the world. The list is never-ending. You are full of shoulds: I should have taken more time for him. I should have been less focused on the kids or work. I should not have let my appearance go. I should have kept my weight down. Again, it's a never-ending list. You probably operate from the following belief: I need to do or be something different and that will make him stop. First and foremost you need to understand that you are not the cause of your partner's acting-out behavior. It isn't about you needing to be different. He engages in his activity because of his own emotional wounding, which now manifests in a pathological relationship with a mood-altering behavior--in his case--sex. Train Like You Compete Lenny Wiersma has seen that swimmers who most closely replicate race conditions in training often fare better than those who rely on metrics and measurements to guide their training but don't have access to their technology during competition.

Relying on technology is dangerous because it can limit a person from going from the cognitive stage to the autonomous stage, Lenny said. If they've been told by this external device in training how they should pace themselves the whole time and then go into a competition, they can fail to recognize that it's completely different. Now they have a human who they're competing against and it's a chess game. An athlete needs to be able to feel and make adjustments. For surfers like Kai Lenny, the only thing they can rely on when a winter storm rolls in is themselves: The reality is that you can get stuck when you use technology, Kai said. Once the waves come, we ditch all that junk. It's just us and the board, and it becomes instinctual, with our experience meshing with what's happening in the now, versus what the outcome should be. The point here is that if you can't perform at a high level without technology, you've been fooling yourself and don't really have the ability. He lost interest in his friends and family, and disconnected. You would never have imagined that he would become one of the modern day, altruistic heroes of this generation. There's a time in Justin Wren's life that's particularly dark in article 9 of his article, Fight for the Forgotten, where he's kicked off of his fighting team and tailspins into months of aimlessness. The coach of his crew was the only guy that stood by him, but everyone else wanted Justin off the team. In a one-on-one meeting with Justin, here's what the coach had to say: Justin, you've put me in a really tough position (he started somberly). We've taken a vote and everyone has voted you off the team, everyone but me. However, I can't go against the other guys. We just can't have your name attached to ours. They can't be associated with Justin Wren's name anymore? Wren explains: They all knew I came in to train hungover, alcohol sweating from my pores, but they didn't know I was sometimes buzzed and high--not the safest conditions when you're punching and choking out teammates. But because it's natural when caught in the web of deception to lose focus of self, let's change the dynamic and keep the focus on you. As lonely as your experience may feel, partners of sex addicts often have much in common with one another, beginning with rationalizing, minimizing, and denying.

Denial: Protecting the Illusion Living with addiction is poignantly described by a young girl in an addictive family who said, Denial is when you pretend things are different than how they really are. For years, partners of addicts, regardless of the addiction, have pretended that things are different than how they really are. For both the addict and the partner, denial is at the core of active addiction. When the addictive behavior is sex instead of alcohol or other drugs, gambling, food, and so on, denial for the partner is often accelerated because of the greater degree of shame. While addicts deny in order to satisfy their addiction, partners deny in an attempt to hang on to what is really an illusion, the fantasy that all is really okay. The fact is that life is out of control; But deny you must when you can't see your way out. I'm not saying that using technology is cheating, but we can't look at, say, a new record for climbing Everest in the same way if the climber used oxygen and other technology that the former record holder did not. The truest test of your skill is how well you can accomplish a task when it counts, with the least amount of tech. Consider the Conditions Another factor that can change performance is the conditions in which you're training or competing. Sprinters are rarely going to run as fast into a headwind as they would if the wind was still. When there's a tailwind at a track-and-field meet, the maximum for new records to be set is two meters per second. If you're cycling on a ninety-five-degree day in July, your time for a certain ride (not to mention the exertion during and fatigue after, calorie expenditure, and hydration level) might well be different than if you raced the same course when it's twenty degrees in February. The trouble is that technology rarely takes varying conditions into account. My wife, Erin, gave an example of how this can be misleading. If I'm out rowing on a flat day, it's going to take less effort to get to and maintain a certain pace than it would if there was cross-chop or if I was rowing upwind in the ocean instead of on a calm lake. Justin was a successful fighter, though! At the time, he had a record of 10-2.

He was a big name in this growing sport. This was all while having these drug issues. His problems were too deep and apparent to ignore, and that caused his team to kick him off, which sent him into a downward spiral of depression. This excerpt below from his article, shows just how deeply he was into his drug abuse: The more depressed I got, the more I used. I rotated cocaine back into the mix and the wear started to show. On the morning of my next fight for the Ring of Fire, a prestigious Denver promotion, I was in the emergency room throwing up. I'd have some issues with my back and had gone heavy on the pills of late. It is a form of self-protection. Denying, minimizing, and rationalizing is a natural response to the insidiousness of addiction. With sex addiction it sounds like: Your denial is supported by extensive rationalization. Examples of rationalization include these statements: He didn't want to be rude and say no. He would not break his vows. He takes his faith seriously. At least he is not having an affair. It doesn't mean he is having an affair. But a monitor wouldn't know what the water or weather was doing, so it might show a slow speed despite all the energy it took to reach that. This is why you need to be able to adjust in the moment and be aware of your exertion level, outside of what the numbers say.