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The picking on each other started and continued. "If she could drop just a few pounds." "That laugh is so shrill." "Those socks are too short," and "I can't stand the way he drives." "He watches way too much TV." "She is so uptight about money," your parents might have secretly harbored these resentments. we are inclined to the misapplication of social media because too many of us feel like we have little control over our actual reality. With virtual reality we have the sense of enormous, if not nearly absolute, power. This creates the illusion and feeling of control that accompanies the illusion of friendship and intimacy. But we must realize sooner or later that virtual reality is simply a newer word for mirage. upon the unique imbalances you are experiencing, psychological techniques in general, and psychotherapy in particular, can offer strategies to strengthen your underperforming brain regions. This helps you regain -- or develop for the first time -- your ability to effectively identify, manage, and appropriately express emotions, and more consciously manage the role of emotions in your life and relationship choices. "Social Networking Leads as Top Online Activity Globally, Accounting for 1 in Every 5 Online Minutes" 13 Every hour spent on the social media, especially with people you have never met in person, is an hour spent separated from those who love you and need you in physical proximity. Men use talking mainly to convey information, and sometimes for problem solving or for exerting power. Women use talking mainly for connecting. difference can lead to a lot of problems. So I was trying for information and was impatient; my wife was trying for connection. Sometimes my wife gets quite impatient with my lack of patience, but she was great this time. I'm very irritable, easily annoyed, often over small things. I thought it was just me, one of my character flaws. Then I looked up `ADD irritable' on the internet and got 648,000 hits! How come I didn't know this??? The internet says that the medicines don't particularly help with this symptom. Some combination of these works pretty well, much of the time.

The irritation usually evaporates, especially if there is no good reason for it. The irritation itself is the red flag to remind me to use the strategies. I'd never connected this before with ADD; I thought it was just the way I am. You have just identified the actual reasoning you use to make yourself anxious about this possibility! Now that you have the template, use it to expose other instances of GMA reasoning that generate much needless anxiety for you. Here is where you show your demand for moral perfection and your self-damnation to be irrational. By now, it should be clear that the root of your self-defeating guilt and anxiety is none other than the premise that says you must be perfectly moral. If ever there were a setup for defeat, this is it! You simply can't be perfectly moral for the reasons already stated: moral standards often conflict; you are not omniscient and therefore cannot predict moral outcomes with anywhere near 100 percent accuracy; what's morally right or wrong can be ambiguous and subject to interpretation; moral standards are not absolute; and last but not least, you are an imperfect human being and therefore subject to misjudgment. Anyone dealing with stress, worry, or anxiety does well to remember that a cool brain is a happy brain. Your brain works incredibly well as long as there is good, bi-directional, top-down, left-right integration. The more you tend to experience disintegration between your limbic system, cortex, and left and right hemispheres, the less efficiently your brain can process stress and the more "heat" gets generated. The "hotter" your brain gets, the more you are prone to feeling stressed by your environment and emotions. In fact, you could think of stress as a sign of a brain that is running hot. In this chapter, we'll explore how you can upgrade your brain's cooling system so that it can process all the stress of this broken world and still function at its peaceful best. If anyone searches hard enough, he is likely to uncover the other person's vulnerabilities or "I can'ts." If you unearth enough "I can'ts," then the result is a full-blow frog! Picture your parents both searching for each other's flaws with a magnifying glass. The objective is to camouflage their own shortcomings and expose their mate's. The more limitations you perceive the greater the need to expose their partner's" to even the score. This is a vicious cycle that can never be won.

If his mate has no tragic flaws, then he needs to make her look bad by comparison; on the other hand, if she is replete with tragic flaws then he's stuck with a loser or a giant frog. Social media is like the new white sugar of our time. The more we eat, the more we want and the worse we feel. People feel lonelier and lonelier and keep going back for more. Let me be clear that I do not believe that social media is evil. It is a wonderful way to communicate with loved ones who live far away, especially in very different time zones, or to post information to the family or a particular community of people, such as a church group, school, or organization. Social media helped to save lives during the Haiti earthquake crisis, as critical information, such as where to find food, medical treatment, and clean water, was posted and instantly available to hundreds of thousands. Social media has also been highly effective when used in political organizations, including the Arab Spring and the Green Revolution in Iran. There are hundreds more examples of excellent usage of social media. The damage from social media is not from its application; it is from its misapplication. It is truly an amazing tool when applied with wisdom. times, irritation is a normal and healthy response to a situation. Harriet Lerner, PhD, says in her book The Dance of Anger (highly recommended), that there is nothing wrong with anger; it is neither good nor bad. It's a signal that something is wrong in the situation and that we need to do something about it. But with ADD, we can easily be overly-reactive, so we need to be careful about our anger. So irritable is a symptom of ADD. It can also be a consequence; anyone feeling overloaded and frustrated might be somewhat irritable even without ADD. Other than being aware that we are irritable, there's not much we can do about it, other than trying to avoid getting overloaded or tired or those other states which make us more vulnerable to our ADD and to irritable behavior. Awareness is a first step in dealing with being irritated: "Oh, I'm irritated right now." The feeling itself is the flag, which signals us to start using strategies. So can you honestly say that being morally imperfect makes you morally disrespectable or undeserving as a person?

This would mean not just you, but each and every other imperfect human being, past, present, and future, is also morally unfit. You'd be saying that Albert Schweitzer and Mother Teresa are likewise moral misfits. Both are often-cited pillars of morality: the former taught reverence for life, while the latter dedicated her life to helping the poor, sick, and underserved. Yet they also were not morally perfect (Hines, 2018; Wagner, n.d.). To be consistent, you'll need to give up your self-damning inference when you too prove to be less than morally perfect. The first step in our brain-cooling exercise is becoming adept at taking your mental temperature throughout the day. Most people are so concerned with the things happening to them that they don't pay much attention to the effects those events are having on them. They are consistently surprised when they suddenly feel overwhelmed, are gripped with anxiety, crushed by panic, or struck with stomach, head, or body aches. To them, these reactions feel as if they "came out of nowhere." Your parents may have spent an inordinate amount of time testing their relationship, to determine whether their mate was a prince or princess, a frog, or whether she or he really did love them. They may have done everything in their power to drive their spouse away, to cause their partner to remove his or her love in order to prove that she or he was truly unlovable. Many secret insecurities and hidden inadequacies may have come to the surface in an attempt to chase away what they had searched for their entire Lives. If you get to be right about the fact that "nobody loves you, and nobody will ever love you," you have successfully confirmed your secret suspicions and validated your negative internal voice. That is why, as underwhelming as it can sound, turning our attention inward is key to managing the outside influences of stressful situations. The more aware we are of our internal stress temperature, and the more sensitive we can become to its small fluctuations, the more effective we can be at managing it. We can learn to keep our stress temperature low enough that even in the most stressful of environments, we can keep a "cool head" about us and manage the situation in a conscious, intentional manner. And so we find ourselves again facing unintended consequences. It seems that the overuse of social media, text messaging, and gaming is causing our society, especially young people, to develop symptoms that remind me of Asperger syndrome--a mild autism. These symptoms include communication difficulties such as avoiding eye contact, inability to understand social rules and read body language, and difficulty in forming friendships. (I do not need to quote a scientific study that supports this; I know that if you have eyes to see, you have already seen this for yourself.) Impatience, impulsive and irritable all have to do with our relative lack of self-control. These three cause us a lot of problems in relationships.

They are unpleasant in their own right. We need to have awareness and to have strategies on hand to deal with these. I used to blurt things out in school. Early, it was mostly funny comments. Later, in junior high and high school, it was jokes harassing the teacher. Someone raised his hand and asked our elderly (fifty?) Texas History teacher, "Miss Jones, how do we really know what happened at the Alamo?" So I called out, "She was there!" That got a laugh from the class; I'm not sure about from Miss Jones. I don't know how I got away with it. This kind of behavior was only with certain teachers; there were some I knew not to mess with. So I did have some self control and social judgment, but, like patience, they weren't my strong points. Because of the inundation of flat screens in our lives, we are already having trouble deciphering the difference between life and entertainment. It is not likely that avatars in video games will enhance our real life and especially not our relationships. We do not need what are essentially puppets or dolls as friends, replacing real friends. What we need is to become self-aware before our computers do, both individually and as a society. If we do not, I believe that our happiness will continue to plummet, and we will continue to misuse technology at our own peril. Now it's time to identify some constructive thinking! On your journey toward greater self-security in a world where no human being can be morally perfect, here are three goals for making peace with imperfection. Moral perfectionists base their self-respect on whether their lives conform to their absolutistic ideal of morality, leading to a lifetime roller-coaster ride of guilt, depression, and anxiety. You can overcome this self-destructive view of your moral self by cultivating a habit of unconditional self-acceptance. Excessive worry and rumination does not help you rationally resolve moral challenges; rather, it creates self-sabotaging stress. Prudence reinforces your ability to tolerate the uncertainty and ambiguity of moral decisions by cultivating constructive, creative ways to approach moral challenges instead of casting moral choices as hopeless dilemmas or unrealistic ideals.