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So what's a busy person to do? The answer to that question is to connect to something deeper than what you see on the surface. Hang on--we'll explain. There are lots of things we all need to do that can feel like a drain. You gotta have something to whittle on. B: I think it'd be better if you asked us a little -- a little bit of questions. It's like dis, you know. You won't find out nuttin outa nobody unless you ask questions, because you can go up in -- in a class, and if the teacher has a question on the board, the only way she'll get somebody to answer is to call on a person herself. Leader: In other words, you would -- you would feel, and as I gather you are speaking from your own feelings there, that you kinda don't want to talk unless something -- somebody -- B: Something -- there's a definite point to talk about. Leader: I see. In other words, this is an opportunity for you to talk about whatever you'd like to talk about. S: Give us something to talk about. P: After you're through wit' your school hours and go home, whatever you do after school hours -- that's your business, isn't it? Trust yourself, pay attention to helpful signals like hunger and fullness, and everything will be okay. The best way to win the war against fat is to give up the fight. Let your body guide you to a weight that's right for you. This isn't about giving up. All you're giving up is an ineffective way to get what you're really looking for. It's about moving on.

It's about body respect and body trust, not body shame. These are what help you make better choices about what to eat and how to eat and other self-care practices. THE SHORT SUMMARY The human body has self-protective mechanisms in place to help us survive. At the top of that list for many people are chores. Going to the supermarket, getting the car washed, paying your bills, organizing the garage or closets . These events can, of course, feel like drudgery. Or, if you connect to them in a different way, they can give you a deeper sense of purpose. For instance, paying bills can be boring and maybe even annoying; It all comes down to finding the meaning behind the task. Today we'll parse your daily routine for the activities that feel like a drain to determine what can go, what can be delegated, and what has to stay. Then we'll reframe the required. As a working wife, mother of two, and dedicated career woman, I have learned that balance is a myth. But balancing might just save my life. I mean, like the school -- you go over your girl friend's house and they don't think -- think it's right for you to go way over there. And they -- they tell you that you can't go to this school unless you stop goin' over there. Leader: I gather you kinda feel it's a person's own business where he goes after school hours, and I gather you kinda resent their telling you what to do about that. A: I don't think the school has no right to say what kind of sweaters we ought to wear. I was wearin' a sweater that Miss -- said I should take it off. I go to this school now, she said, and I shouldn't wear the sweater of a different school.

S: Doesn't matter what sweater; Leader: You feel they're kinda interfering with something that's your own business. P: That's right. They even tell you which boys to hang around with. Our fight-or-flight survival response is designed to mobilize our brain and body to fight an enemy or run from danger. We also have a freeze response that can help us hide from a predator. Both fight-or-flight and freeze can also be triggered by social stress. A fight-or-flight response starts when a brain structure known as the hypothalamus senses threat and initiates a sequence of events that results in the release of neurotransmitters and hormones like epinephrine and cortisol into our bloodstream. These trigger dramatic changes: Our breathing rate increases. Blood is redirected away from our digestive tract and into our muscles and limbs, which require extra energy. Our awareness and vision sharpen, impulses accelerate, and perception of pain is blunted. We become prepared for fight or flight, both physically and psychologically. We also become hypervigilant and distrustful, on the lookout for the enemy. When activated, our fight-or-flight system triggers us to perceive everything around us as a potential threat to our survival. REFRAME THE REQUIRED Some tasks on your drudge list simply can't be cut or delegated; That's the key question here. Often, we believe we have no choice about doing things we don't want to do. But the stark reality is that we always have a choice. We don't have to meet our deadlines at work, pick up the dry cleaning, or even pay the bills.

It's a free country, and we're adults with free will. Of course, that doesn't mean there won't be consequences. By doing the tasks, we're choosing to not incur those consequences. Sure, you can choose to blow off the timely request from your boss, but chances are, that won't yield the raise or promotion you might be hoping for. It is clear from this illustration that the group members were very reluctant to begin discussing problems of their own. It is almost certain that in most other situations with adults they have depended upon the adults to provide the structure and the impetus. In time, however, one of the group cautiously opened the discussion and was soon followed by another. When they began to see that the leader was understanding and accepting of these early comments, others joined in, coming forth with strong feelings about the school and its attempts to control them. This continued for the remainder of the hour-long session, no more appeals being made to the leader for direction. At the second session the same pattern was repeated; Returning to the question of whether group members are really qualified by training or native ability to make adequate decisions for a group, our experience in our own staff functioning would lead us to answer in the affirmative. True, group decisions often turn out to be less than adequate, and the issue has to be reopened for further staff consideration. Yet it seems to many of us on the staff that some of the most inappropriate decisions we make are those which have been arrived at without total staff participation -- without considering all the data which could be brought to bear on the problem. This question of the group members' ability versus the leader's ability to make sound decisions for a group is often examined inaccurately. It's built to bypass our rational mind. This alertness causes us to interpret almost everything and everyone in our world as a potential threat. As a result: We may overreact to the slightest comment. Our fear is exaggerated. Our thought process is distorted. Our focus is narrowed to things that can harm us.

When we're stuck in survival mode, our heart shuts down, our rational mind is disengaged, and we're focused on fear. This prevents us from making thoughtful choices and recognizing the consequences of those choices. We can no longer relax and appreciate the moment. Relationships suffer. You can choose to not pay your electricity bills, but you'll be stuck sitting in the dark. You can choose to skip doing the laundry, or you can choose to wash your clothes so that you don't show up to work looking (and smelling) unkempt. When you put this issue in the context of choice, you see that it's always up to you. Finding the why behind what you choose to do helps you find the value in your actions and lightens any task considerably. Take going to the grocery store as an example. One way to look at it might be, I hate this chore. The carts never work right, it's always cold in the supermarket, it's just such a pain to schlepp all this stuff to the car and up the steps into the house. I got my law degree for this? Yes, indeed, that sounds like drudge, no doubt about it. But what's the real reason you go to the supermarket? Actually the question is not whether the group members or the leader can make the soundest decisions for a group. It is whether the leader without the group members can make better decisions than can the total group including the leader. One of the things we have seen in our own organization is the willingness -- or rather eagerness -- with which the group solicits and uses the various specialized skills contained in the total group membership. On the matter of making decisions in an industrial organization, Morris L. Cooke, a consulting engineer, has written: Management today may include thousands of employees -- all agents of the stockholders -- ranging from the president .