You may think of acts of war or terrorism or shootings in your community. You may think of a natural disaster such as floods, hurricanes, fires, and tornadoes that occur throughout the year. Yet the majority of people who experience a trauma are more apt to experience something more chronic, not acute, subtler, not as blatant and much more likely to be within their family. For partners who have lived with sex addiction, the trauma is in the chronicity of betrayal, the lying, and the loss of trust. Our body is designed to recover after short-lived traumas known as acute traumatic events. But ongoing traumas like intimate sexual deceptions where you are exposed to hurtful events repeatedly and over long periods of time are different. You are much more apt to be living in a chronic state of alarm and hypervigilance from both the emotional violations and looming sense of threat to your sense of security, which alters how your body and brain system operates. Chronic stress experienced, even when unacknowledged, will leave you with a highly dysregulated nervous system, making it difficult to feel secure in the face of any everyday stressor let alone one that is attacking the safety and sanctity of your coupleship. If you recognize that your blood pressure is too high or your weight isn't where you want it to be, don't fixate on it. Instead, prioritize increasing your activity and sitting less, building muscle, or reaching some kind of performance goal. You will likely reduce your blood pressure, lose fat, and increase lean body mass as a secondary benefit of pursuing such goals, while avoiding the pitfalls of weight loss that many people encounter. From Beneficial Habit to Harmful Dependence Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines a habit as a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up. A habit crosses over into the dangerous territory of addiction when we are psychologically and sometimes physiologically dependent on performing a certain activity and getting the desired outcome. I'll hold up my hand here and admit that I fell into the dependence trap with my breathing practice. I started doing it not for my overall health--which it certainly benefits--but for the feeling of euphoria that it gave me. Think about how you feel if you don't get your first coffee of the day right after you get up. You get twitchy, have no energy, maybe get a headache. Buy organic and local whenever possible. Don't waste food.

With some simple Googling, I was able to find all of this information in less than 30 minutes. The information is so readily available. Do you remember when people needed to go to a library to find relevant information? Do you even remember that people needed to go to libraries? Who even goes to libraries? If a topic like Climate Change speaks to you, stop reading and start Googling. Go on the rabbit trail and grow an obsession about whatever curious thoughts you have. As we'll discuss later in the article (article 5), this is a huge factor in eliminating apathy from our lives. On a daily basis, our nervous system experiences periods of increasing and decreasing arousal. Each one of us has a window of tolerance or, as it is sometimes called, an optimal arousal zone, where we can experience nervous system fluctuations while still having the capacity to regulate ourselves. With a well-regulated nervous system, people only experience extreme highs or lows in their energy and emotions during situations of high stress, danger, or excitement. People with trauma tend to have a poorly regulated nervous system staying in an over- or under-activated state for weeks or months, often getting stuck there. The dysregulation becomes chronic, as they are in a constant state of easily becoming excited, agitated, anxious, tired, or depressed. They are more apt to experience anxiety, panic, difficulty relaxing, restlessness, difficulty sleeping, hostility, chronic low energy, and other such symptoms. They are often in a continuous fluctuation of fight, flight, or freeze responses. The following visual gives you a portrait of what I think you are experiencing--the emotional roller coaster, the agitation, and the plummet into despair, into the unknown, into the new reality. Many of the symptoms that result from chronic gaslighting are the symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Even without gaslighting, the discovery of sexual betrayal can be so traumatic it results in additional symptoms of post-traumatic stress, such as It got to the point where my morning was shot if I didn't do my breathing routine first thing. So I had to reexamine my motives, recognize that I had to be able to go through a day without obtaining this oxygen-depletion high, and then reincorporate the breathing into my routine in a less dysfunctional way and with a purer motive.

This is just one example of a possible area of dependence. Coffee is another common one. If it gets to the point that you can't function without it first thing in the morning, try delaying your first cup by a couple of hours until you retrain your body. Then reintroduce it because you like the taste, not because you're addicted to the caffeine. Also examine why you're using your wearable or smartwatch. If it's to keep you honest or help you overcome a motivation issue, then that's okay. But if you're just utilizing it to get validation or because all your friends use similar devices, then perhaps you should reassess your priorities. The Compromise of Elite Performance World Hunger What is the Issue? The World Bank tells us that, since 1990, the world has reduced the number of people who live in extreme poverty by over half. But that still leaves 767 million people living on the edge of survival with less than $1. Africa and Asia deal with the worst hunger problems. Almost 23% of Africa's Sub-Saharan population suffers from undernourishment and almost 2/3rds of all malnourished people in the world live in Asia. Why is This Bad? You obviously know why this is bad, but the Freedom From Hunger organization explains that, when a child is undernourished her immune system is weakened and she can't fight off common, preventable illnesses like diarrhea or pneumonia. To give the best singular statistic about the status of world hunger, Freedom From Hunger also states: Globally, one in nine people in the world today (795 million) are undernourished. The depth of trauma does vary for partners. It's influenced by a number of factors.

A factor that can ameliorate the impact of the trauma would be support during the crisis. Unfortunately for most experiencing this crisis, they do so without garnering support of others. You can heal from this regardless of the depth or breadth of trauma you are experiencing. Preoccupation and Hypervigilance Many partners live their lives in response to the addict's behavior. You have this insatiable need to know what your partner is doing, thinking, and feeling so you will know what you are supposed to do, think, or feel. You have suspicions, a sense, a knowing. You wonder; When we watch our favorite pro athletes perform seemingly superhuman feats of athleticism, we assume that they're unbreakable. But just because you do one or a few tasks better than anyone in the world doesn't mean you're healthy. Throwing a ball at a hundred miles per hour a few times every couple of nights is putting your elbow in jeopardy. Putting your head down and charging through a mass of three-hundred-plus-pound bodies for a touchdown is putting your brain in the firing line. Running one hundred miles a week to train for a marathon can destroy your immune system. Just as we shouldn't mistake a good body weight for overall well-being, neither should we think that high performers are 100 percent healthy, because they're often not. I Can't Breathe, Coach! As an emergency-room physician in Florida, Dr Frank Merritt is on the front line of health care. Through his work with patients, coaching experiences with football players, and personal enjoyment of surfing, Frank has gained uncommonly deep insights into the areas of health, fitness, and performance. Working as part of a multidisciplinary team that included oncologists, behavioral psychologists, nutritionists, and many more specialists as they developed a protocol that would extend the life of his best friend, Jason, who had brain cancer, Frank began to recognize the disconnect between each of these three areas. For people in poverty, in many cases, their mainstream of income and nutrition is through farming. However, for numerous reasons, they can't sell the produce, receive the credit to fund their operations or compete against larger producers.

Since many of these impoverished people live in rural areas, they literally can't get to the markets to sell produce. In addition to farming challenges, these hungry people also aren't fully educated on best practice health moves like handwashing or how to have safe drinking water. Many don't have safe drinking water! Because of this, people are easily at risk of common diseases and illnesses that fully nourished people can fight off. What Can You Do? Partner with an organization. There are so many non-profits, NGOs and organizations that fight to end world hunger. Remember, the statistics show we've reduced the number of people who live in extreme poverty by more than half. You want to know, but at the same time you don't want to know. You want validation, or you want invalidation. Preoccupation is both a traumatic response and a codependent attribute. I don't know how I raised my kids. I was forever distracted. I was always wondering what he was doing, what I could do to be more attractive to him. What was I doing wrong, or what else would he find wrong with me? I would be nice to him when he would come home late, when he would smell of another woman, and when he would blatantly lie to me and I knew it. And then I would go to bed and think of everything I wanted to say to him. I wondered what these other women looked like, what they did together, and what they said to each other. Determined to narrow the gaps and extend the benefits of what they'd learned during Jason's treatment, the team created a unique seven-dimensional test to assess human vitality, which helps athletes and nonathletes alike find and address their biggest weaknesses in areas such as pulmonary and cardiovascular recovery, adrenal function, and muscle strength and power. When Frank applied this test to a group of Division 1 football players, he wasn't surprised to see that they were in the ninetieth percentile or above for muscle power and strength.