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Walnuts are known to be high in fiber and rich in antioxidants, and are a plant-based source of alpha-linolenic acid, an omega-3 fatty acid. There are studies on walnuts that show improvement in the dilation of blood vessels when given to men in exchange for one-third of their monounsaturated fats. Peanuts, which are actually legumes, are rich in monounsaturated fat, magnesium, and folate. Studies show that dietary fiber, arginine (an amino acid), and magnesium increased in a group of people eating peanuts, which may improve cardiovascular outcomes. Cashews are abundant in magnesium. Brazil nuts contain selenium, which may help to protect against prostate cancer, and deficiencies in selenium can cause weakening of the heart. Almonds are rich in fiber, vitamin E, and monounsaturated fats. They also have been shown to decrease LDL by small numbers and improve other cardiovascular parameters. I'd love to say that, in five years, I'll have found a city to truly call home and officially plant lifelong roots. I'd love to say that in five years, I'll be a full-time ghostwriter. I can't accurately say those things, though. I haven't seen my actions prove the validity of these dreams. It's no reason to lose hope in myself, but it would be wrong for me to declare with full confidence any of these goals. My history shows that I haven't cared enough to diet and exercise consistently enough to see dramatic changes. Due to the lack of romantic relationships I've had, I can't confidently say that I'll find a wife in five years. I can't confidently say that, in five years, ghostwriting will be my main career priority. I can't say that ghostwriting, or writing in general, will effectively fund my life. In fact, I can't confidently say that I'll ever be able to totally fund my financial goals with writing. Frequently women who immediately offer forgiveness to their partners are engaging in what we refer to as cheap or false forgiveness--an act that deepens the denial process by promoting an illusion of closeness when nothing has changed, has been faced, or has been resolved. You may want to dismiss the injury to yourself and the relationship for the sake of protecting it.

Your record and habit of being overly compliant and going to great lengths to avoid conflict is entrenched. In her article How Can I Forgive You? Janis Spring eloquently describes cheap forgiveness as trying to preserve a relationship at any cost, including sacrificing your integrity and safety. On the surface you may act as if nothing is wrong, but inside you're bleeding out. Silencing your anguish and indignation only silences your heart and soul. FALSE FORGIVENESS To avoid disrupting the relationship with expectations or boundaries, cheap forgiveness may come readily to you. Perhaps a deep fear of conflict and anger, the fear of rejection and abandonment, or the strong need for outside approval fuel your desire to quickly forgive. There also is data to show that pecans, hazelnuts, macadamia nuts, and pistachios all have lipid-lowering abilities. But which one should you eat? Truthfully, we have read all the trials. There is data on many of the nuts. If we had to choose one nut that was better than the rest, we would probably pick the walnut. But other than that, we also think that all nuts have some benefit. They are best when they are used instead of oils, dairy, and meats. They are a great addition to a whole-food, plant-based diet. We should eat about a handful three to five times per week, and that is likely adequate. Overall, nuts are great but they are very calorie dense, and it is easy to overeat them. That's a scary thought: to willingly pursue a goal that you may never fully accomplish? Seems a little crazy.

In reality, we have no idea whether anything we plan or do will come to fruition. We could die tomorrow! Some illness could take us out, a car accident from a drunk driver could permanently cripple us. Our priorities could dramatically change if, let's say, the health of your father drops drastically and you know you're the only one to provide consistent care to him. You could think that these things will never happen. I mean, really, what are the chances! But, I must ask, what will you be satisfied with? A Desperate Plea to Deal With Reality (ie Trade-Offs) With a smile on your face, you remain in the relationship without a voice and with minimal expectations. Or you leave the relationship only to reengage in another, repeating your pattern. Once again, you don't ask, you don't expect, and you don't operate from a place of esteem or worth, but from a place of defeat or silent defiance. I was so busy doing what I thought was right. I thought I forgave my husband. I said the words; Well, there is no right here. Of course I knew I was hurt. I was angry, but I was working so hard to not be angry. I thought that made me look bad and I wanted him to be the bad person; If you put out a daily portion of nuts in a container and make that the allotted amount, the tendency to overeat them is greatly reduced. What is the best nut?

Probably the walnut, but all nuts have some benefits. What About Seeds? Seeds are plant foods that are rich in protein. Again, few studies have been done on seeds, so unfortunately, we have little data at this point. Chia seeds and flaxseeds are probably the best seeds you can eat. Chia seeds date back to 3500 BC during the time of the Aztecs, who ate them regularly, and are abundant in fiber, calcium, and manganese. They also are the seed with the most alpha-linolenic acid (ALA), which you may recall has benefits for the heart, perhaps as a precursor for omega-3 fatty acids. In the Lyon Heart Study that looked at the Mediterranean diet, it was shown that the diet was rich in ALA, which significantly lowered heart disease risk. After you've gone through a few wrestling matches with yourself to narrow your focus, you'll begin to notice that there are really only a few things you actually care about doing long-term. There are only a few things you are willing to consistently do for the rest of your life. Rather than jumping here or there with your ambitions, goals and passions, you'll find certain activities hit the sweet spot. It's a sweet spot that always keeps giving. You may not always be pumped up and jovial about these activities, but you'll never grow tired of doing them. That, to me, is playing piano and writing. My interest never dwindles, and I'm never done with these activities. I'll never really reach a final destination with them, and I love that. I'm willing to do these two things for the rest of my life. But, as you can imagine, these two activities don't guarantee financial success. I just couldn't tolerate being out of control with my feelings, which is how I feel when I'm angry. So I smiled and talked forgiveness and then silently punished him as much as I could.

I was still living inside his addiction. Before recovery I did a lot of false forgiveness. I pretended to forgive, but I kept a secret file with all the information about his lovers and acting-out behaviors just in case, and I would gossip about his behavior with others. Prior to my beginning any specific recovery, I had a lot of years of false forgiveness. Mostly it was just going numb and trying to breathe. But after recovery began and I really understood what we were both dealing with, he would badger me by telling me I had to forgive him because, after all, he was changing. But it was badgering, and it was not a lot different from his old behavior. A bit softer in volume, but the tone was still a threat to me. How to eat chia seeds? Small studies show that grinding chia seeds boosts the levels of omega-3 fatty acids in the blood. They also have been associated with higher energy and a feeling of fullness. Eating a teaspoon, ground, a few times per week is probably adequate. They bring many benefits. They are also rich in alpha-linolenic acid and contain lignans, which are plant estrogens that may play a role in reducing the risk of breast cancer, at least in laboratory animals. Lignans appear to be anti-inflammatory, as well, and have been shown in small studies to lower cholesterol levels. Flaxseeds keep best when whole, but they should be ground before eating in order to get their maximum potency. One teaspoon of ground seeds a couple of times per week is likely adequate. How to eat chia seeds? They are creative activities and, typically, anything creative comes with few opportunities for financial success. While I'm reassured by one of my bosses that ghostwriting can create a legitimate career for me, I still don't hear many people preaching about the job security of writing.