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Over time, the process of making self-evaluations for our own survival became directed to others, for the intent of helping them survive and develop, too. Parents inevitably realized that by providing evaluative information to their children, perhaps about their hunting skills or their grooming habits, gave them an edge. The same is true for clan leaders--providing evaluative information to their hunting party developed their skills and tactics and, thus, enhanced the robustness of the clan. Partners, too, came to see that by providing evaluative information to their mate--what they liked, what they disliked--became a way to strengthen their bond. Bedmates who failed to provide this information to each other became the forerunners to the term divorcee. Yet, the majority of people--bosses, parents, husbands, and wives--experience getting criticism to be anxiety arousing, especially when it is mismanaged, accompanied by angry and sarcastic tones. Being an expert on giving and taking criticism, I would conclude that the reasons for these bad reactions are primal memories that negative evaluations can be life threatening, and these primal memories stimulate feelings of anxiety and threat. Everybody is a critic, says Mother Nature, but not everyone is a good critic. However, there is good reason to doubt this assumption. Although negative events may mobilize resources to a greater extent in the short run, subsequent minimizing processes may dampen their impact in the long run, presumably because effective everyday functioning is facilitated by an optimistic orientation (Taylor, 1991). Positive events require no mental dampening in fact it may be adaptive to embellish them. Two research programs document this asymmetry. First, in contrast to the ubiquitous information-processing advantage that negative stimuli possess in nearly all other aspects of social cognition, positive events tend to be remembered better than negative events (Matlin & Stang, 1978; Skowronski, Betz, Thompson, & Shannon, 1991). As noted earlier, it may be adaptive to attend to negative events when they occur but to dismiss them in the long run. Second, whereas short-term regrets tend to focus on acts of commission--something one did and wishes one had not done-long-term regrets tend to concern acts of omission--something one wishes one had done (Gilovich & Medvec, 1995). The former usually involve behaviors that have had negative consequences, whereas the latter typically refer to bypassed opportunities for desirable outcomes. Hence over time the emphasis of regrets shift from enacted negatives to foregone positives. Hospitals and doctors need you as a patient in order to stay up and running; they want you to know that you need to be fit and well, but often leave out important parts that affect your well-being and, therefore, your ability to be fit.

What about eating habits? What about vitamins? What role does our daily contribution play in our health, well-being and physical condition? More than you have been led to believe or understand. The body's ability to stay well in anything other than ideal conditions is a direct result of the nutrition received on a daily basis. The ability of the mind to stay well is, once again, a direct result of our nutritional intake. For example, the human brain does not develop well without the necessary intake of protein in our daily diet. No protein, no intelligence. To be a positive critic, remember that the purpose of providing evaluative information is to help a person. Keep in mind: criticism intent. The next time you criticize your children's homework, remember that the intent of your criticism is to teach them and build their confidence, not undermine it. The next time you criticize an employee, remember your intent is to help him develop so that he can do better next time--be improvement-oriented. And, remember, the next time you criticize your partner, the intent of your criticism is to share with her about how you think the relationship can be enhanced, not what she is doing wrong, not to shame or blame her. In all these cases, you want to protect the other person's self-esteem. When you incorporate Mother Nature's intent into your criticisms, people will know that you do it because you care. It would be an honor to Mother Nature if we were to become a more nurturing and caring society. Talk is cheap, so Mother Nature would consider only actions honorable. First, we need more awareness and acknowledgment of acts of care giving in our society. This asymmetry may create negativity bias in surveys and interviews that ask participants to describe recent life events--that is, it may accentuate the negative while eliminating the positive. We have suggested that positive, appetitive processes in social interaction and close relationships may be conceptually underappreciated and empirically underinvestigated.

This assertion may seem odd to some readers, in view of recent critiques that attribute an unquestioning relationships are intrinsically positive attitude to the literature (eg, Hoobler & Spitzberg, 1999). We find this critique somewhat ironic but not contradictory with our observations. Perhaps some researchers have seen less reason to investigate appetitive processes in relationships because they believe positivity is the norm, and deviations from the norm will engender more compelling research than the norm itself. In other words, the assumption of intrinsic positivity may have led some researchers to seek to understand the causes and consequences of destructive forces in relationships, treating positivity as a baseline or default condition not warranting investigation in its own right. We see little reason to concur with this assumption most researchers readily acknowledge that relationships are often toxic and destructive (see Berscheid & Reis, 1998, for a review). Nonetheless, if positivity has been overlooked by relationship scientists because it is assumed, the need to attend more closely to these processes would be underscored. Of course, our contention that positive interpersonal processes and phenomena may be functionally independent from negative processes and phenomena suggests one possibility for rectifying the existing imbalance. In the remainder of this article, we briefly discuss several directions that studies of the appetitive dimension in close relationships might take. No information, then none of the other states is possible. Our spiritual contribution is a determining factor in establishing our level of well-being. We all need the benefit of spiritual reflection, as a way to purify ourselves from the toxins of our daily lives. Spirituality is a way of ensuring that we renew and rebirth ourselves as benevolent human beings. Well-being encompasses our state of being, our mind and our health. This is a condition of the whole. Well-being is a condition of mind, body and soul. What is well-being and where do we go to learn more about well-being? Well-being is defined as our overall good health, and the condition supported by a healthy diet and fitness habits. We have so many places to turn to get information about wellness that it would be impossible to cover all the possibilities of a single article. Right now, too many people, especially in the working world, perceive the world as a hostile place and that human nature is selfish and aggressive. We are suspicious of good behavior, and think it is motivated by self-aggrandizing intentions.

Somebody makes a donation, and we immediately think they did it for the tax break or the patrons plaque on the wall. We need to change this perception by getting the message out that we are hardwired to make positive gestures to others, to nurture others. Promoting the perception that people and societies are inherently care giving will have profound life-enhancing effects for everyone. We need more presidents to write about the importance of giving. Since care giving starts with the mother-infant relationship, it would honor Mother Nature if all mothers had equal access to good health care. Ensuring a healthy pregnancy helps not only the mother and her child, but also our society as a whole. Yet, the United States is one of the few nations in the developed world that lacks a national health program. Pregnant women are left to arrange their own prenatal care. As noted earlier, researchers interested in the positive side of close relationships have not always known where to look. The model of independent appetitive and aversive processes introduced earlier offers several suggestions. In interpersonal terms, these dimensions correspond to the pursuit of safety versus enrichment, respectively (Gable & Reis, 2001). The aversive dimension encompasses the desire to avoid danger and to feel safe and secure in relationships, implying a desire to avoid destructive interactions such as conflict and the possibility of rejection. On the other hand, the appetitive dimension involves the pursuit of growth, fulfillment, and pleasure in relationships. It is this latter dimension that is typically most salient when people initiate close relationships few seek out others with the goal of avoiding negative outcomes. Theories of human motivation and development typically posit some sort of innate process by which people seek to establish and maintain satisfying connections with others. For example, Baumeister and Leary (1995) described the need to belong and Deci and Ryan (1991) proposed a need for relatedness. That such needs may be more closely aligned with appetitive functions than with aversive functions is suggested by their stronger correlations with positive affect than with negative affect (Watson and Clark, 1984). Reis, Sheldon, Gable, Roscoe, and Ryan (2000) examined the degree to which satisfaction of three intrinsic needs--autonomy, competence, and relatedness--predicted daily fluctuations in affective well-being. However, we will cover the most common places to look at, and let the reader take it from there. The main sources of wellness information are accessible to everyone, everywhere.

Libraries, the Internet, your fitness instructor and your health teachers are all viable sources of information. The library contains more information about health and wellness than you could read in a year. There are magazines, periodicals, medical journals, and all kinds of articles written on how to get fit, maintain fitness, or participate in fitness activities. There are sources of information that explain the benefits of well-being, physical benefits, mental benefits, benefits, and self-esteem and emotional benefits. The library will generally have video and audio information available on almost any topic covered by the reading material. They may even have wellness bands available for viewing. Often, the library offers low-income individuals the opportunity to access materials that would otherwise not be available. Video and audio tapes are examples of this opportunity. Those with insurance get it, and those without insurance make do with whatever clinic services are available. This is more than a slap in the face to Mother Nature, it is a national disgrace. Our redemption would occur if we make sure that, regardless of income, all expectant mothers have equal access to the resources that will enhance their pregnancy. For example, some communities offer mother-mentors to at-risk young women from low economic and social classes. These programs are found to reduce the stress of the expectant mother by providing support and education that helps her be a better caregiver to her newborn. Increasing the care giving in our institutions would also honor Mother Nature. In the business world, this means training and educating employees in the skills that help them relate to each other in more supportive and encouraging ways, and to have flexible policies that are sensitive to employee needs. Our education system can be more care giving by maximizing cooperative learning, teaching children conflict resolution skills, and providing constant developmental opportunities for teachers--their own development helps them develop the young. Our criminal justice system, too, needs to be more care giving--not more lenient, but more effective in efforts to rehabilitate offenders so that they leave destructive paths behind and are supported on a constructive life course. All these actions would honor Mother Nature for giving us the nurturing instinct. Although satisfaction of all three needs predicted daily affect, relatedness was significantly associated only with positive affect, not with negative affect. 6 This asymmetry has been noted by others as Watson concluded, 6 This analysis was conducted within-persons--that is, it examined the daily ups and downs around each individual's baseline.