They will grab quick meals because they are so absorbed with taking care of their child. They try to do it all and end up exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Self-care has gone to the bottom of their priority list at the time when they probably need it the most. Would any of these moms tolerate someone calling them selfish? I don't think so. But that is exactly what they are calling themselves--or would call themselves, if they practiced self-care. Remember that words have power. The words you use define your beliefs and who you think you are. These two traits cause us to feel flustered and drained of energy whenever we feel challenged, and this can hamper the process of changing from a procrastinator into a do-er. However, remember that there is an antidote to frustration and impatience you can employ to propel yourself forward in overcoming the thief of time that is procrastination: that antidote is willingness, because you must willingly give yourself permission to deal with your tasks. So if, for example, you're forced to change your holiday plans and you think Why does this always happen to me? <a href=''>My</a> plans are all ruined', ask yourself:In what way is this thought helpful? (It's</a> not helpful. <a href=''>It's</a> just winding me up and making me feel sorry for myself.')Am I certain my plans are actually ruined?' (Well no, they're not completely ruined. <a href=''>I'll</a> think of an alternative place to go.')Is there anything positive about the situation?' (Yes. <a href=''>I</a> still have a week off work and my friend is still able to go with me.') As well as loosening your grip on what you think you're certain of, challenging your negative thoughts not only interrupts your thoughts but it also stops them from snowballing. <a href=''>When</a> you're in the habit of thinking and interpreting events in a negative way, it's not easy to say positive things to yourself. <a href=''>It's</a> also not easy to say positive things to yourself when you're worried, stressed or upset. <a href=''>It's</a> not easy but it is possible. <a href=''>A</a> few years ago, shortly after leaving university, Sam was offered a position in business administration at a large company in Manchester. <br /><br /><a href=''>I</a> used to get into a right state about attending meetings at my new job. <a href=''>I</a> thought that everyone else was more knowledgeable and more articulate than me. <a href=''>I</a> dreaded being put on the spot and being asked a question that I might not know the answer to. <a href=''>For</a> example, today in the kitchen my wife said her knives need sharpening. <a href=''>She</a> was clear that there's nothing urgent about it, so I put it on the orange card. <a href=''>I</a> could do it today or tomorrow or the next day. <a href=''>Later</a> I also put it on the envelope working list, so if I find some down time, I might get to it. <a href=''>But</a> if I don't have it done in three days, then she's waiting too long. <a href=''>Then</a> it becomes urgent and I will put "knives" on the red card. <a href=''>However,</a> since it's on the working list, I probably will get to it without it ever reaching the red card. <a href=''>The</a> list of five has priority, but I don't always do the things on it immediately. <a href=''>Some</a> things take preparation; sometimes something needs to be done before I can do something. <a href=''>Some</a> things can only be done at certain times; I can have "call the insurance company yet again" on my red card, but I won't be able to do it on a weekend. <a href=''>Or</a> sometimes there's suddenly a very convenient time open to do something else that's only on the bigger working list. <a href=''>Right</a> now on my red card I have "organize taxes." I started working on the taxes, but then I got stalled, so now I need to stop and write out the steps that I need to do for the task. <a href=''>That's</a> what "organize taxes" means. <a href=''>Once</a> I organize and have all the steps written down, I can pick one to start on. <a href=''>Maybe</a> first I'll choose to collect all the information on charitable giving for the year. <a href=''>That</a> step will go onto the red card. <a href=''>Thus</a> I will be moving forward on the taxes. <br /><br /><a href=''>Only</a> one step at a time will make it to the prestigious heights of the red card. <a href=''>The</a> others will be on the working list. <a href=''>You've</a> waged battle against personal responsibility for such a long time, you're probably wondering if the war is really over. <a href=''>What's</a> more, you've fought for so long that you're probably much better at fighting your tasks than you are at making peace with them. <a href=''>That's</a> why willingness is so crucially necessary if one is to truly win the war you've been waging against yourself. <a href=''>In</a> time, you'll see an improvement in your ability to handle chores, no matter how unpleasant they may be, or may have been in the past. <a href=''>Overcoming</a> procrastination means living life on life's terms, and that means dealing with one task at a time--to the best of present capability. <a href=''>In</a> time, you'll be amazed at your success. <a href=''>Just</a> give yourself the willingness to go through the process. <a href=''>Don't</a> create an overly long to-do list. <a href=''>You</a> may feel a certain temptation to walk around your living space with your notebook in hand, writing down every little task that you see. <a href=''>However,</a> be cautious. <a href=''>We</a> procrastinators are great at making to-do lists: I know, because I used to have several to-do lists perched on my kitchen table at any given time. <a href=''>Memory</a> centres (prefrontal cortex and hippocampus): The brain stores past painful experiences in memory centres so that you learn to avoid dangerous situations. <a href=''>This</a> is helpful for survival skills like remembering not to go too close to a fire. <a href=''>Sometimes</a> these memory centres are so powerful that people can actually feel pain simply by thinking about a past painful experience. <a href=''>For</a> example, some people report feeling more pain when they go back to the site of their accident. <a href=''>Have</a> you found yourself making any of these statements with regard to self-care? <a href=''>I</a> fear failure. <a href=''>It</a> makes me feel too selfish. <br /><br /><a href=''>I</a> feel guilty. <a href=''>I</a> am miserable. <a href=''>I</a> am poor. <a href=''>It's</a> too hard. <a href=''>I</a> can't break my bad habits. <a href=''>I</a> don't want to face the real truth about my health. <a href=''>Why</a> me? <a href=''>What</a> I don't know about my health can't hurt me. <a href=''>It's</a> hard for me to do my part. <a href=''>Emotional</a> centres (amygdala): Danger messages travel directly to the brain's emotional centres. <a href=''>Emotions</a> like fear, anxiety and anticipation are all normally a part of the pain experience because these emotions serve to protect you from danger. <a href=''>When</a> you feel pain, the emotional centres in the brain can play a role in enhancing or diminishing the pain experience. <a href=''>For</a> example, the pain of getting a tattoo may hurt less than the pain of getting a root canal because there are different emotions associated with those two experiences. <a href=''>In</a> situations where you feel safe and more in control, the pain is usually less distressing. <a href=''>What</a> changed things was some advice from a lovely, understanding colleague - Erik - who I confided in. <a href=''>He</a> wasn't a counsellor but I now realize the questions he asked me sort ofcoached' me through my negative thinking patterns and helped me to think differently. He asked me, prior to a meeting, what exactly my thoughts were about it. We talked about where I was catastrophizing or mind reading and how helpful or unhelpful it was for me to think in these ways. It became quite amusing coming up together with alternative, more positive ways of thinking about the meetings. Basically, Erik helped me to focus on the positive - to recognize that I was much more of a listener than a talker - that my strength was my ability to easily make sense of what some people waffled on about and clarify that for myself and others in the meetings.

Erik gave me a top tip too - he suggested that if he wasn't around, whenever I lapsed into negative thinking, I should get up and change my surroundings. He said Sam, just go for a walk - even if only to the other side of the room. <a href=''>Let</a> the change in your surroundings prompt change in your thinking.' That was ten years ago, I'm fine about meetings now but I still use Erik'sgo for a walk' tip. It still works! I make lists over and over, all day long. It's not just about having the list; there is also benefit in making them. Writing down what I need to do is somehow calming and organizing, and therefore motivating. When I write things down, it's as though I'm on top of them. Then I can make another shorter list and it seems doable, and I don't have to think about any of the things on the long list. This is related to the rule of five. When I get a few things crossed off of one to-do list I throw it way and make another one. This gives me a sense of accomplishment, which help me stay motivated and keep going. The time used making lists is well spent, because it keeps me focused, organized and motivated. I can stay aware of what the day needs to be looking like, and I'm not keeping all these things in my head. They're right in front of me within reach of my hand. When I'm in my office, the red card is in my pocket, but I'm relying more on the envelope list. Everywhere else, I keep looking at the red card. Since the red card to-do list needs to be limited to the five top priority things, I need auxiliary cards for other to-do's. The cards are available wherever I am. In the office I also have an evolving working list.