Unite the mind with this sign that is available in the present moment and let the mind flow with every succeeding moment. As you pay bare attention to it, you will see that the sign itself is changing every moment. Keep your mind with the changing moments. Also, notice that your mind can be concentrated only on the present moment. This unity of the mind with the present moment is called momentary concentration. As moments are incessantly passing away one after another, the mind keeps pace with them, changing with them, appearing and disappearing with them without clinging to any of them. If we try to stop the mind at one moment, we end up in frustration because the mind cannot be held fast. It must keep up with what is happening in the new moment. As the present moment can be found any moment, every waking moment can be made a concentrated moment. To unite the mind with the present moment, we must find something happening in that moment. However, you cannot focus your mind on every changing moment without a certain degree of concentration to keep pace with the moment. Once you gain this degree of concentration, you can use it for focusing your attention on anything you experience--the rising and falling of your abdomen, the rising and falling of the chest area, the rising and falling of any feeling, or the rising and falling of your breath or thoughts and so on. To make any progress in insight meditation you need this kind of momentary concentration. That is all you need for the insight meditation practice because everything in your experience lives only for one moment. When you focus this concentrated state of mind on the changes taking place in your mind and body, you will notice that your breath is the physical part and the feeling of breath, consciousness of the feeling, and the consciousness of the sign are the mental parts. As you notice them you can notice that they are changing all the time. You may have various types of sensations, other than the feeling of breathing, taking place in your body. Watch them all over your body. Don't try to create any feeling that is not naturally present in any part of your body. But notice whatever sensation arises in the body.

When thought arises notice it, too. All you should notice in all these occurrences is the impermanent, unsatisfactory, and selfless nature of all your experiences whether mental or physical. As your mindfulness develops, your resentment for the change, your dislike for the unpleasant experiences, your greed for the pleasant experiences, and the notion of selfhood will be replaced by the deeper awareness of impermanence, unsatisfactoriness, and selflessness. This knowledge of reality in your experience helps you to foster a more calm, peaceful, and mature attitude toward your life. You will see what you thought in the past to be permanent is changing with such inconceivable rapidity that even your mind cannot keep up with these changes. Somehow you will be able to notice many of the changes. You will see the subtlety of impermanence and the subtlety of selflessness. This insight will show you the way to peace and happiness, and will give you the wisdom to handle your daily problems in life. When the mind is united with the breath flowing all the time, we will naturally be able to focus the mind on the present moment. We can notice the feeling arising from contact of breath with the rim of our nostrils. As the earth element of the air that we breathe in and out touches the earth element of our nostrils, the mind feels the flow of air in and out. The warm feeling arises at the nostrils or any other part of the body from the contact of the heat element generated by the breathing process. The feeling of impermanence of breath arises when the earth element of flowing breath touches the nostrils. Although the water element is present in the breath, the mind cannot feel it. Twenty years ago, Kelley was trying to survive an emotionally abusive marriage. When she finally made the decision to leave, she became enmeshed in a grueling and bitter divorce. Then came the financial stress of trying to start a business to support herself and her three children. Her stress continued to escalate when her ex-husband decided he needed a two-year "break" from paying child support, throwing the family further into financial disarray. Eventually, Kelley hired a family law attorney and took her ex back to court. The judge ruled in her favor, ordering the ex to begin paying child support again and providing reimbursement for the months he didn't pay.

Finally caught up on months' worth of overdue bills, Kelley was able to stop foreclosure proceedings on her home with less than a month to spare. By then, her youngest child was in his midteens and discovering the lure of alcohol. For three frightening years, Kelley lived on high alert as she tried desperately to get her son the help he needed, while navigating the strain of her son's many lies and self-destructive choices. By the time her youngest came to his senses, committed to sobriety, and was back on the track of becoming a well-adjusted young man, Kelley felt like she was taking her first deep breath in many years. She was grateful that--finally!--life seemed to have leveled out. Her kids were doing well. She was no longer living paycheck to paycheck. For the first time in a long time, she wasn't waking up in a panic and wondering how she was going to get through the day. Her years of living in survival mode had, at last, come to an end. Yes, when she looked at her circumstances, she could see that something in her life had shifted dramatically for the better. She couldn't deny she had entered a new chapter of her life. The threats and dangers that had besieged her for years--an abusive husband, financial hardship, a troubled child--had finally subsided. Still, Kelley soon realized she had little optimism about the future or enthusiasm for her improved lifestyle. Instead of embracing this new season with joy, Kelley felt herself disengaging from everyone around her. As her isolation grew, she battled increasingly negative thoughts, and her emotions continued their steady decline into what felt like an endless abyss of sadness. The idea that long-term stress and depression are linked goes back many decades. Numerous research studies conclusively demonstrate the detrimental effects of prolonged stress on our emotional and physiological well-being. But you don't need to read medical journals to understand the damaging connection between stress and depression. Certainly, you have seen this dynamic at play in your own life and in the lives of people you love. The bully looked right at my son's friend and couldn't speak.

I had instructed him to `close the deal' as quickly as he could, so he responded with, "I'll bring you the ticket tomorrow. It's for Saturday. I'll just meet you at the theatre at 12?" "Y-y-y-eah," said the bully, who in just one moment's time had gone from intimidator to the one being intimated. That bully never bothered him again. In fact, these two former enemies went through the rest of their primary education being nice, civil and best of all, respectful of each other. Something so simple as this reverse doormat technique has the power to turn anyone into a commander of respect, confidence and likeability. It works especially well with difficult people, or simply people you may be intimidated by. Look at yourself in the morning and tell yourself how amazing you are. This step is so important because it shifts how you feel about yourself--and what the mind believes, you can truly achieve. Don't want to be a doormat any longer? Then convince yourself you aren't--which is why you need to teach yourself through repetition that you aren't. Repeat the mantra: "Kill them with kindness." Repeat this mantra throughout your day, and remember the story I just told you about the bully. The proof is all right there. Most people, who are difficult to work with, simply need love the most. You can completely transform your relationship with people by giving them the thing they really want--a good listener, an empathetic ear, or even a compliment. Close the deal.The most important step of the reverse doormat technique, especially when you're dealing with feelings of insecurity or fear. When my friend's son approached that bully, do you think he was scared? Of course he was. He was petrified. That's why you have to practice looking and walking the part.

But, the real key is closing the deal (just like salespeople do). Before the other person has a chance to turn you down or say no to what you're offering, lock up the conversation with a closing statement. Something like, "I'll see you at 10. Looking forward to it!" Be positive, sincere, and blow them away with kindness. Don't underestimate your child's ability to precommit and follow through. Even young children can learn to use precommitments as long as they set the rules and know how to use a timer or some other binding system. Consumer skepticism is healthy. Understanding that companies are motivated to keep kids spending time watching or playing is an important part of teaching media literacy. Put the kids in charge. It's only when kids practice monitoring their own behavior that they learn how to manage their own time and attention. When we are with friends, we're never really alone in their company; our phones are almost assuredly present and ready to interrupt us with a poorly timed notification. Who hasn't witnessed a friend lose attention midconversation to reflexively check a phone? Most of us simply accept these interruptions, sighing them away as a sign of the times. Unfortunately, distraction is contagious. When smokers get together, the first one to take out a pack sends a cue, and when others notice, they do the same. In a similar way, digital devices can prompt others' behaviors. When one person takes out a phone at dinner, it acts as an external trigger. Soon, others are lost in their screens, at the expense of the conversation. Psychologists call this phenomenon "social contagion," and researchers have found that it influences our behaviors, from drug use to overeating. It's hard to watch your weight if your spouse and kids insist on mowing down a dozen frosted donuts as you pick at your kale salad, and it's difficult to change your tech habits when your family and friends shun you in favor of their screens.