After only two months of dating, they married. Debra's oldest daughter, Jacquelyn, who was clearly a nunchi ninja, knew straight away that something was wrong with John. One big clue? John wore operating-room scrubs in public, everywhere he went. Jacquelyn wondered why was there never any blood or bodily fluids on his scrubs, if he had supposedly just come from surgery, and tried to warn her mother. Debra wouldn't listen to Jacquelyn. As you've probably guessed, the Newells discovered that John was not a doctor; Henry Seidel Canby wrote: We live in the midst of details that keep us running round in circles and never getting anywhere but tired, or that bring on nervous breakdowns and coronary thrombosis. The answer is not to take to the woods, but to find out what we really want to do and then cut out the details that fritter away what is most valuable in life. Live deep instead of fast. Master Key: Live Deep Instead of Fast. An episode of the television show A Different World centered around an argument between a young artist and a medical student. The doctor-to-be was criticizing the impracticality of art. While you are out painting, he scoffed, I will be saving lives! The artist retorted, But what will you be saving them for? As we mentioned earlier, a diagnosis of ADHD often is accompanied by a co-morbid diagnosis of ODD or of conduct disorder. All of these disorders fall under the same category of attention-deficit and disruptive behavior disorders. Often the co-morbid diagnosis arises because the major diagnostic tool for ADHD is a behavioral checklist that focuses upon the child's willingness to comply with the demands of teachers and parents.

Consequently, if a child does not comply or refuses to acknowledge the authority of the adult in control, then the child is often given a diagnosis of ODD. A recent article in HealthWatch claims that about half the children diagnosed with ADHD also have oppositional defiant disorder. Interestingly, ODD behaviors are included in Conners' Rating Scale--a major diagnostic tool used to screen for ADHD. The DSM-IV-TR defines ODD as a recurrent pattern of negativistic, defiant, disobedient and hostile behavior toward authority figures that persists for at least 6 months and is characterized by the frequent occurrence of at least four of the following behaviors: losing temper . Some of the accompanying tendencies that mark ODD include stubbornness, defiance, arguing, ignoring rules, hostile behaviors, temper tantrums, and an unwillingness to compromise. However, when these tendencies are combined with the impulsivity and inattention of ADHD, then the stage is set for a child to be seen as willfully disobedient, disruptive, defiant, explosive, unyielding, selfish, and self-centered--all adjectives used to describe ADHD and Asperger's syndrome children. Several responses posted to Oprah Winfrey's show Explosive Children illustrate some profiles of children who fit this pattern of behavior. They learned he was an opioid addict; She tried to divorce him, but that's when he started threatening her and her family. The only reason Debra was able to rid herself of John was that he died. He tried to stab Debra's younger daughter, Terra, who then killed John in self-defense. This story features both someone with no nunchi (Debra, the mother) and two people with very quick nunchi (the two daughters). Debra's fear that she might have to spend her life alone convinced her that John was her last chance for love, and so strong was this fear that it stopped her from seeing the very clear signs that John was lying to her. Her preconceptions not only blinded her to the evidence, but meant she couldn't believe her daughters' warnings. One constant frustration faced by nunchi ninjas, such as Jacquelyn and Terra, is that nobody believes them until it's too late. The clash between the mother and her daughters--which caused them to become estranged--was based on a disagreement over an age-old question: Should you trust your first impressions, or is that unfair prejudice? If you think nunchi is just prejudice, reconsider and ask yourself instead what prejudices might be obscuring your nunchi. Jesus asked the same question: What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world, but loses his soul? Gaining mastery in the material world is meaningless unless we hold our sense of loving above it all. If we make love our foundation, all else shall be added.

The Choice for Love Any activity in life can be elevated to the level of blessing. Nothing in this world is outside the power of transformation by way of a loving heart. Alice is a heart-centered executive who had a chance to test her belief in the power of unconditional blessing. As she was writing checks to pay her bills last April, Alice penned a note of blessing on the memo line of each check, as is her custom. When Alice came to the check due to the Internal Revenue Service for her tax payment, she wondered, Do I really want to bless the I. Would anyone there receive the gift? One mother blamed herself for her child's defiant behavior: How does my son get rid of the anger that is inside of him? And WHY is that anger there? Did I do something wrong when he was a baby? Did I not seek help soon enough? How can he be so violent one minute and then the next, one of the most loving children I know? Another parent wrote of her eight-year-old: Any parent who has experienced firsthand the explosive rage attacks (these are NOT temper tantrums). She was tired of being judged . Recent research in treatments for ADHD and ODD focuses primarily upon the symptoms of aggression, explosiveness, and defiance. Russell Barkley and Art Robin, experts in the ADHD field, have developed approaches to managing the disruptive behavior of these children, but these approaches are grounded in the assumption that ODD is a separate disorder from ADHD. This assumption is clearly illustrated in the following exchange taken from Robin's article ADHD in Adolescents: First Impressions: Believe Them People often suppress the wisdom of their first impressions because society tells us to be gracious and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, no matter what. Well, I'm here to tell you that society is wrong.

Civilization is only thousands of years old and your lived experience is likely only a few decades long; Which do you think is more reliable? I hear your objections. Telling people to trust their first impressions seems like an unraveling of a civilized upbringing. It's not politically correct. Isn't making snap judgments often due to racism, sexism, and other forms of bigotry? Of course, bigotry is real. After some reflection, Alice decided that there are no exceptions to the law of love. Perhaps, she reasoned, the I. On the memo line of her check Alice inscribed, Peace and joy be with you. Several months later as Alice was going through her cancelled checks, she noticed the check she had sent to the I. On the back of the check, below the institutional stamp, she read these words, written by hand: And with you, too! Somehow Alice's blessing found its way to someone's heart. Consider what a gift this was to the person who received it! Hardly anyone enjoys paying taxes, and I expect that I. Perhaps it changed his entire day. Perhaps that person went on to offer some extra kindness, caring, or forgiveness to the next person he dealt with. Jones: This Oppositional Defiant Disorder thing. Is there a medication for that too? Dr Robin: Not really.

ADHD is thought to have a genetic/biological basis, but Oppositional Defiant Disorder is really good old learned bad habits. We will work together to try to teach Bill new ways of interacting with you, and [the] two of you new ways of interacting with him. From this passage you can see again that while these researchers contend that the behaviors in ADHD result from deficits in central inhibition control, at the same time they ascribe to the child a level of willfulness or an ability to manage the behavior. It is this inherent notion of willfulness that creates an image of the ADHD/ODD child as deliberate in her or his behaviors. This inherent notion gives rise to the idea that these children are bad. This inherent notion led at one time to a Web site like www. And this inherent notion leads parents to believe they are failures. Of course, people often misperceive others as threatening based on unfair criteria such as race, class, religion, and sexual orientation. Let me be clear: that isn't your nunchi talking. It's bigotry. In fact, I would argue that nunchi is an antidote to bigotry, in that it asks you to be aware of your preconceptions at all times. An unfair prejudice is one you stubbornly hold on to no matter what else is put before you. Prejudice is fixed, and does not adapt to changing information. But a nunchi-based first impression, on the other hand, is what you get when you switch on your nunchi before you do anything else, and let it do its magic. Prejudice is often wrong. Nunchi rarely is. To Quote Sherlock Holmes, Data! I am certain that Alice's blessing went a long way. The situations we encounter are templates upon which we imprint our heart's intentions. Every moment we make the choice between love and fear.