And it mitigated to a degree the losses of my babies. He wasn't a big drinker at all. He was very well known and respected in the community, so after we got together I made my drinking far more private. I felt I couldn't be seen with this highly respected man, getting sloshed at functions and events. I would top up before we went out, so it looked like when we were out I was only having one or two. In a small saucepan, combine the wine, jam, star anise, cinnamon, and water. Bring to a simmer, stirring, until the jam is dissolved. Add the plums and simmer for 5 minutes, or just until tender when pierced with a knife. Remove the star anise and discard. Set aside to cool completely. Keep refrigerated. Per serving: 88 calories 1 g protein 14 g carbohydrates 0 g total fat 0 g saturated fat 1 g fiber 2 mg sodium NUTTY BROWNIES HERE'S A MOUTHWATERING TREAT that's sure to satisfy your chocolate cravings. The walnuts, almond flour, eggs, and butter block the sugar-spiking impact of the flour. You usually are able to overcome your problems. You usually are able to ensure that you have a mindset of a winner, and this all happens because you understand the language of your mind. I ntroducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming One of the most fundamental components of NLP is the acknowledgment that you are not in control of the world around you. You cannot control whether the car of the person next to you is going to veer suddenly into your lane.

You cannot control whether some random person is going to choose to vandalize your home overnight. You cannot control whether your child is going to listen to you and go to bed on time tonight. You cannot control the world around you. In fact, you cannot fully control anything that is external from you. If it is not a part of you or your being, it is not within your complete and utter control. And if I looked like I was a bit shonky on it people would think I was a lightweight instead of knowing I'd skulled a glass or three of vodka before I left home. And when I got home I'd top up with another two or three. My husband knew how I was drinking, but his love was so deep, and he understood the reasons why I did it, so it was never discussed. Then two years into our marriage we were told that he had an incurable form of cancer--one of the deadliest cancers there is. It should have been a wake-up call to kick the drink, because life was about to get so much more difficult than either of us had ever imagined. But the grip of the addiction was so huge by then that I didn't have the strength to fight it. Within days he started chemotherapy, and within a few months he went through a stem-cell transplant. The transplant meant a month-long stay for him in a hospital out of town, with me staying in a motel opposite. I was with him from seven o'clock in the morning until nine o'clock at night as he went through absolute hell. Each night I went back to the motel and drank myself senseless, crying on the bathroom floor. Just limit yourself to 1 serving, please! Prep time: 15 minutes Total time: 35 minutes Makes 16 brownies 3/4 cup Sucanat

1/4 cup butter, melted 1/4 cup whole grain pastry flour 1/4 cup almond or coconut flour 1/4 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 cup chopped walnuts, divided You must be able to accept this fact--you must be willing and able to ensure that you are able to put up with this. You must be able to see that, at the end of the day, you must accept that you cannot control everything--but that there are many areas within your life that you are in control of. When you can acknowledge what you can control as opposed to what you cannot, you can change your way of thinking. You can ensure that, at the end of the day, what you are doing is much better than what it would have been otherwise. You can fix your mindset into something that is easier to control and easier to create the right kinds of behaviors that you were hoping to engage in. When it comes right down to it, if you want to be able to find those mindsets that matter the most to you, you must be able to use your mindset to make it happen. E ssentially, the foundation of this concept is that you have thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. They are constantly locked together. This is a fundamental principle of many different behavioral therapies that you are likely to find these days, and NLP latches onto it as well. When you make use of these methods for yourself, you are able to begin to control yourself, all thanks to the fact that you understand the intricate workings of the mind. The bottle was my only comfort. I didn't know how else to get through the pain of seeing what my husband was going through, and knowing I was going to lose him. It's crazy because it was the worst thing in the world I could do to myself, but it was the only thing I knew. I was an addict, but at that stage no horrific experience could bring me to my knees to change. We were very lucky that he lived for seven more years, but they were seven incredibly difficult years with his health.

A year before he died he started to go downhill rapidly, and I started drinking more--over half a bottle of vodka a night, barely diluted. I had so much self-loathing. I would promise myself that I wouldn't do it again, that I'd stop, that today was going to be a different day, but it never was. I was absolutely lost to it. And moderation was impossible. Preheat the oven to 350oF. Coat an 8 x 8 baking pan with cooking spray. In a large bowl, whisk together the Sucanat, butter, eggs, and vanilla until well blended. Stir in the cocoa powder, pastry flour, almond or coconut flour, baking powder, and salt. Stir in all but 2 tablespoons of the walnuts and the chocolate chips. Place in the prepared pan. Sprinkle with the remaining 2 tablespoons walnuts. Bake for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out with moist crumbs. Cool completely in the pan on a rack. Per brownie: 138 calories 3 g protein 14 g carbohydrates 9 g total fat 3 g saturated fat 1 g fiber 41 mg sodium Essentially, any thoughts that you have about something will create feelings. Those feelings influence the way that you behave, and most of the time, those behaviors then work in some way to reinforce the initial thought that you had. They all flow together to create a problem that you will have to tackle to defend yourself and ensure that, at the end of the day, you will be able to control yourself. N LP makes heavy use of this-- you will see that the thoughts that you have are usually spawned by the experiences that you have developed at some point in time or another. It is likely that something that has happened to you has caused you to develop that thought, whether you went through a trauma or whether it was enjoyable.

No matter what, however, the end result is the same: You wind up with a thought that underlies everything else. That thought will influence the behaviors that you have when involving that thought. L et's put this into context for a moment. Imagine that you were in a bad car accident with a drunk driver. You were both fine, but you had a lengthy recovery at the hospital and permanently have an injured knee as a result. Then one night, 1 January 2014, I had another massive binge session. I got up like any other morning, hungover as hell, feeling like shit, with no idea if I'd had dinner or what I'd said or done the night before. My dear husband ever so gently said to me, How are you feeling? <a href=''>So</a> I said,Oh, I'm fine! I'm fine,' and he said to me, Honey, I'm really, really worried about you. <a href=''>You're</a> drinking more than you've ever drunk, faster than you've ever drunk it. <a href=''>And</a> then he said to me,If you keep this up you're going to kill yourself. I didn't love myself--I never had. I had spent 47 years feeling unworthy and unlovable, so that wasn't the kicker. And I think he sensed that pretty quickly because there wasn't any shock value. CHOCOLATE FLOURLESS CAKE ALMOND FLOUR AND EGGS create a delicious, dense, rich cake while keeping the glycemic load relatively low. You certainly won't feel as if you're on a diet as you enjoy this decadent dessert! Prep time: 20 minutes Total time: 45 minutes