When you have a plan in place, you will be able to survive and thrive in spite of the added tension. Many people turn to unhealthy behaviors to cope with or escape their stress, such as drinking too much alcohol, self-medicating on drugs, and overeating. But when you change the way you look at your stresses and anxieties, you will be able to manage your discomfort with stress more positively and productively. When you feel criticized, it is normal to have difficult emotions like fear, anger, embarrassment or shame. It is OK to have these feelings, but be aware of them if you can, because they can distract you from responding in a useful way. Face your stresses and choose healthy activities, like going for a walk, exercising, painting, journaling your thoughts, reading, practicing your faith, and meditating. Create your own wellness by training your mind to think differently by practicing your favorite hobby. Closely related to guilt is the feeling of regret. Guilt arises from thinking and feeling you've done wrong. Regret arises from thinking and feeling that at some Regrets often focus on what you didn't do - the missed opportunities. Unproductive regret (negative thinking) can paralyse you and leave you feeling defeated and hopeless. Productive regret (positive thinking) can help you behave differently in future. People often feel like victims when they experience circumstances that seem out of their control. Always remember, from the time you wake up until the time you go to sleep, you have the power deep within your soul to choose how you will respond to any stressful situation. Sometimes you have to have the courage to just say no to things you don't want to do, and you must be willing to accept the responsibilities for the choices you have made. Acknowledging and taking ownership of the decisions you have made is your key to greater happiness and freedom. Maybe you could or couldn't have done something then, but what are you in a position to do now? Bertie began to accumulate some money. He handled it carefully, knowing that it was his stake for the next game. His self esteem began to rise.

He was finally able to move away from his parents and to another town. I lost contact with him, but I like to imagine him burning up the internet as a poker pro. I don't know what his parents think about this development and it's not the outdoor occupation I had envisioned for him, but it's his life and I think this is going to work for him. Since I like to watch poker on TV I think of him often and imagine that someday I'll see him up on the screen, playing in a big tournament. Stop the attack You do not have to listen to criticism; you can ask the person to stop. For example, you could say: "I will not listen to you if you keep swearing at me," or "This conversation has to stop. Let's talk after we cool off." Point out the way they are talking Instead of getting drawn into the argument, you can tell the other person how they are acting. They may be so upset that they are not aware of their body language. For example, you could say: "I notice that you are speaking very loudly and getting off topic." Tensing up into an aggressive or defensive posture will not help. Take slow calming breaths, relax your hands and soften your face. I just now called Bertie. He gladly gave permission to use his story. He's doing fine. He's not a professional poker player and he doesn't have an outdoors job either. He has a job that has structure but is different every day and uses some of his athletic skill. He's not playing much poker but he's coaching others, which he says enhances his learning. He sounds good. Often, to avoid facing difficulties, people overload their calendars with social activities. Others deal with stress by withdrawing from family and friends. The best practice is to strike a balance by maintaining a healthy social life even when you're stressed.

But also schedule the time to be alone with your thoughts by creating me time. What you did or didn't do could either paralyse you further or motivate you to do something positive from now on. The only thing that keeps you stuck in lost possibilities is the refusal to focus on new ones. But could you be holding back from moving forward because you fear failure? Let go of expectations of how things should' be. <a href='http://ww2.hanamizake.com/Appear-in-the-first-line-of-the-results-by-paying-attention-to-301-redirects-1573821002.html'>It's</a> too easy to remain disappointed if you're still attached to how thingsshould' have been. Disappointment is actually helping you to move towards your goal, not away from it. You can learn from disappointments and move forward - sometimes in a different direction. Finding something positive in adversity doesn't mean denying how tragic and devastating the situation is, but it can help prevent you from being overwhelmed by the awfulness of it. Even if the feedback is not expressed well, there may be value in it. If you feel safe to keep talking, try asking for more details. It's hard to hear criticism, but you might learn something useful. For example, you could say: "What is it that makes you think I am lazy? Can you give me an example?" When you control your emotions, you won't see the world through rose-colored glasses, the blue of depression, or the red of anger. Instead, you can pragmatically acknowledge that there often is a silver lining in each circumstance--that good things can come from stressful situations. Instead of letting your hardship turn you into a resentful, angry, or helpless victim, you will choose and use your stressful situations as your guiding light to becoming a stronger and a healthier-thinking person. Now it's your time to pull out your binder or computer to answer these questions to help you formulate a plan on how to deal with stress in a healthy and helpful manner. Do you know why you are experiencing stress? If so, write your why. Are you in denial of the stresses in your life?

Why haven't you faced your stresses head-on? What's stopping you? Do you take ownership of your stress? How so? And if you are not taking ownership of your stresses, why? How have you turned your stresses into learning and growth opportunities? List them. What are your coping skills when you are dealing with stress? List them. How do you react when you are dealing with sudden and unexpected stressful situations? Do you have a plan in place for the just-in-case emergencies? What's your plan? How do you keep your life balanced when you are dealing with stress? Never put up with a bad, risky or harmful situation just because you can find some positive aspects to it. Identify the good things that can happen if you remove yourself from a potentially dangerous situation. By removing yourself, you put yourself in a positive position: one of being in control. Don't think that you can't be courageous because you don't feel courageous. Courage often requires that you act `as if' you're confident, whatever you actually feel. It's feeling the fear and doing it anyway. We need to find an occupation that works for us, where our weaknesses aren't important and which has both structure and variety.

Demoralization can drag us under, but we can capitalize on our strengths and pull ourselves out of the morass. Success enhances our self-esteem, which helps us to function better, which enhances our self-esteem, and so on. This is the reverse of the vicious cycle. Resist the urge to counterattack by criticizing the other person. Stay with the topic so the person will feel heard. Let the critic finish what they have to say before you start to talk. If you jump in too quickly, they may feel blocked and may escalate. Listening does not mean that you agree; it's a way of gathering information and showing respect. If you are dealing with a stranger or someone you know can be violent, be cautious. Staying safe is more important than speaking assertively. Most people are not very comfortable giving negative feedback. List situations in your life in which you've turned the stress around, resulting in positive changes. Have you made the decision to live your life in a beautiful state of being? How are you doing it? How are you managing your stress through fitness? Create a list. Have you thought about taking the focus off yourself and volunteering your time to help someone else who is in need? Do you see how volunteering can become a great benefit in helping you manage your stress? If so, how? You can sense the shame that lay underneath a lot of Bertie's problems.